Laura Carlo: The Secret Rules for Happiness

My parents and grandparents raised us kids with all kinds of sayings for what they saw were "teachable moments." There were words of wisdom on just about every topic under the sun. Some sayings were cautionary tales, some were outright funny, some were only told in Italian, some were quotes from American historical figures and writers, and all were meant to teach and guide.

When I heard the people in the news story say "happy," my mother’s often quoted "Rules for Happiness" immediately came to mind. "It’s simple, really," she’d say: "Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for." She told me either Immanuel Kant or Alexander Chalmers were credited with saying it.

Never one to leave a saying hanging alone in the air, she would go on to explain every phrase: Someone to Love was anyone you could love beyond yourself – your mate, your child, a sibling, a best friend, but always with the gravity of the word 'love' – not just like or respect or admire, but "this person’s happiness means more to me than my own" level.

Something to Do was about purpose. A career, not just a job, a reason to wake up in the morning that goes beyond paying today’s bills. "Pick something that jazzes you," she’d say, "even if you don’t get paid to do it."

And finally, Something to Hope For was the thing she felt a lot of people got wrong when hearing the saying. It didn’t mean "Hope I win the Megamillions!" She took great pains to explain the word "Hope." She said it’s "akin to a wish, a prayer of faith, that life, or something in your life, changes for the better."

She would close this discussion with a warning - that when any of these three things were missing, we’d "feel the empty spot and remain unhappy."

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