I tell my students, your brain is probably telling you something important. It’s saying you’re not ready. Take that image with you. Go on a walk and live your life and maybe something about your life. You pay attention to it, can show you how to write that thing. Don’t fight it. So much of our culture is bent on fighting David and Goliath, wrestling the muse. We look at creation as a battleground. And I think it’s one of the greatest detriments to creativity is to see ourselves as participants in a war when it should be participants in creation.
OCEAN VUONG
Friday, June 30, 2023
participants in creation
Thursday, June 29, 2023
For many of us, our generational "curse" is avoidance.
For many of us, our generational "curse" is avoidance. We come from people who just act like "it" didn't / doesn't happen. But pain demands to be felt. And somewhere along the line, a child will be born whose charge it is to feel it all. These are your shamans, your priests and priestesses, your healers. You call them mental health patients and label their power as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and the like. But these are the ones who are born with the gift of Feeling. And as we all know, you can't heal the pain that you refuse to feel.
Dionne Shannette Wood
Dr. Emily Anhalt: A slight shift in perspective can change everything. Here are 8 psych quotes that changed my life
It is a joy to be hidden, and disaster not to be found. - Donald Winnicott Imagine a game of hide and seek, and how quickly the delight and joy of hiding will disappear if you realize that no one is coming to find you. This is true of our emotional lives as well.We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are. - Anaïs Nin There is no one universal truth or reality in this world. We each see things through the lens of our own experience, and bring our slightly distorted view to everything we do.The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth. - African Proverb We do not exist in isolation; we exist in relation to others. There are very few things as painful and destructive to our psyche as being rejected from a community we depend on.Not all pain comes to harm you. - Italian Proverb We go to extraordinary lengths to avoid discomfort and pain. But these feelings serve deeply important purposes in our lives, and it's important to get comfortable sitting with and listening to them.Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate. - Carl Jung The things you don't know about yourself are deciding a lot about your life. Invest in self-awareness to gain agency and satisfaction.Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it. - Stephi Wagner
The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea. - Isak Dinesen I'm not sure what it is about this quote...it just feels right. Whatever you might be struggling with - take a dip, break a sweat, & have a good cry. I guarantee you'll feel a little better if you do.
The Book-Banners: Adventure in Censorship is Stranger Than Fiction
The Book-Banners: Adventure in Censorship is Stranger Than Fiction
Published as a Guest Column in the March 20, 1992 issue of The Bangor Daily News
"When I came into my office last Thursday afternoon, my desk was covered with those little pink message slips that are the prime mode of communication around my place. Maine Public Broadcasting had called, also Channel 2, the Associated Press, and even the Boston Globe. It seems the book-banners had been at it again, this time in Florida. They had pulled two of my books, "The Dead Zone" and "The Tommyknockers," from the middle-school library shelves and were considering making them limited-access items in the high school library. What that means is that you can take the book out if you bring a note from your mom or your dad saying it's OK.
My news-media callers all wanted the same thing -- a comment. Since this was not the first time one or more of my books had been banned in a public school (nor the 15th), I simply gathered the pink slips up, tossed them in the wastebasket, and went about my day's work. The only thought that crossed my mind was one strongly tinged with gratitude: There are places in the world where the powers that be ban the author as well as the author's works when the subject matter or mode of expression displeases said powers. Look at Salman Rushdie, now living under a death sentence, or Alexander Solzhenitsyn, who spent eight years in a prison camp for calling Josef Stalin "the boss" and had to run for the west to avoid another stay after he won the Nobel Prize for "The Gulag Archipelago."
When the news stories about my latest adventure in censorship came out, however, I didn't like the way that "the author could not be reached for comment" stuff looked. To me, that line has always called up images of swindlers too cowardly to face up to what they've done. In this case I haven't done anything but my job, and I know it's all too possible to make a career out of defending one's fiction -- for a while in the mid-1980s, Judy Blume almost did make a career out of it -- but I still didn't like the way it felt.
So, just for the record, here is what I'd say if I still took time out from doing my work to defend it.
First, to the kids: There are people in your home town who have taken certain books off the shelves of your school library. Do not argue with them; do not protest; do not organize or attend rallies to have the books put back on their shelves. Don't waste your time or your energy. Instead, hustle down to your public library, where these frightened people's reach must fall short in a democracy, or to your local bookstore, and get a copy of what has been banned. Read it carefully and discover what it is your elders don't want you to know. In many cases you'll finish the banned book in question wondering what all the fuss was about. In others, however, you will find vital information about the human condition. It doesn't hurt to remember that John Steinbeck, J.D. Salinger, and even Mark Twain have been banned in this country's public schools over the last 20 years.
Second, to the parents in these towns: There are people out there who are deciding what your kids can read, and they don't care what you think because they are positive their ideas of what's proper and what's not are better, clearer than your own. Do you believe they are? Think carefully before you decide to accord the book-banners this right of cancellation, and remember that they don't believe in democracy but rather in a kind of intellectual autocracy. If they are left to their own devices, a great deal of good literature may soon disappear from the shelves of school libraries simply because good books -- books that make us think and feel -- always generate controversy.
If you are not careful and diligent about defending the right of your children to read, there won't be much left, especially at the junior-high level where kids really begin to develop a lively life of the mind, but books about heroic boys who come off the bench to hit home runs in the bottom of the ninth and shy girls with good personalities who finally get that big prom date with the boy of their dreams. Is this what you want for your kids, keeping in mind that controversy and surprise -- sometimes even shock -- are often the whetstone on which young minds are sharpened?
Third, to the other interested citizens of these towns: Please remember that book-banning is censorship, and that censorship in a free society is always a serious matter -- even when it happens in a junior high, it is serious. A proposal to ban a book should always be given the gravest consideration. Book-banners, after all, insist that the entire community should see things their way, and only their way. When a book is banned, a whole set of thoughts is locked behind the assertion that there is only one valid set of values, one valid set of beliefs, one valid perception of the world. It's a scary idea, especially in a society which has been built on the ideas of free choice and free thought.
Do I think that all books and all ideas should be allowed in school libraries? I do not. Schools are, after all, a "managed" marketplace. Books like "Fanny Hill" and Brett Easton Ellis' gruesome "American Psycho" have a right to be read by people who want to read them, but they don't belong in the libraries of tax-supported American middle schools. Do I think that I have an obligation to fly down to Florida and argue that my books, which are a long way from either "Fanny Hill" or "American Psycho," be replaced on the shelves from which they have been taken? No. My job is writing stories, and if I spent all my time defending the ones I've written already, I'd have no time to write new ones.
Do I believe a defense should be mounted? Yes. If there's one American belief I hold above all others, it's that those who would set themselves up in judgment on matters of what is "right" and what is "best" should be given no rest; that they should have to defend their behavior most stringently. No book, record, or film should be banned without a full airing of the issues. As a nation, we've been through too many fights to preserve our rights of free thought to let them go just because some prude with a highlighter doesn't approve of them."
―
“Censorship and the suppression of reading materials are rarely about family values and almost always about control about who is snapping the whip, who is saying no, and who is saying go. Censorship's bottom line is this: if the novel Christine offends me, I don't want just to make sure it's kept from my kid; I want to make sure it's kept from your kid, as well, and all the kids. This bit of intellectual arrogance, undemocratic and as old as time, is best expressed this way: "If it's bad for me and my family, it's bad for everyone's family."
Yet when books are run out of school classrooms and even out of school libraries as a result of this idea, I'm never much disturbed not as a citizen, not as a writer, not even as a schoolteacher . . . which I used to be. What I tell kids is, Don't get mad, get even. Don't spend time waving signs or carrying petitions around the neighborhood. Instead, run, don't walk, to the nearest nonschool library or to the local bookstore and get whatever it was that they banned. Read whatever they're trying to keep out of your eyes and your brain, because that's exactly what you need to know.”
―
Tactical Athletes
https://crackyl.com/nutrition/diet/five-nutrition-hacks-for-tactical-athletes/
Tactical athletes are individuals in service occupations with significant physical fitness and performance requirements such as law enforcement, firefighters, emergency responders, and military service members.
Arrested Development & Emotional Stunting
Are you always trying to be the strongest, the smartest, or the most successful in any group, even if that makes others uncomfortable or resentful?
If any, or all, of these examples seem familiar to you, you’ll be surprised to learn that this entire can of psychological worms may be attributed to a single, surprising cause: emotional stunting, the technical term for the failure to achieve an adult-level of maturity. Like a plant deprived of the space, nutrients, water or sunlight that it needs to grow, an emotionally-stunted personality reaches a certain stage and then stops, unable to finish the maturation process. Emotional stunting can be the result of seemingly contradictory factors that range from smothering parents who refuse to allow independence, to neglectful parents who withdraw love and support at critical developmental stages. Sometimes, emotional stunting is the result of traumatic events so painful and damaging that normal emotional development is derailed. Whatever the cause, the outcome is often dysfunctional relationships and difficulty living, working and dealing with others.
Wednesday, June 28, 2023
David Attenborough: Only now are we beginning to understand that all life on Earth depends on the freedom to move.
How to leave a life
On why I wrote "Instructions for Traveling West"
https://joysullivan.substack.com/p/how-to-leave-a-life
https://joysullivan.substack.com/p/the-truth-about-good-writing
How swimming improves mental health
12/20/2022 | Written by Nikos Kaskaras
The figures are shocking: One in five Australians experience a mental illness symptom each year. Mental health issues cost Australia around 20 billion dollars per year. This is a very serious socio-economical case. Swimming however is an activity that can improve mental health issues. Find out how.
The statistics of mental health in Australia
The numbers speak for themselves: Every year 20 % of people living in Australia face a mental health problem. This translates to approximately five million people. The most worrying figure nevertheless, is that more than half of them don’t look for any treatment. Furthermore, even a late appeal for medical assistance leads to delayed treatment, thus diminishing the possibilities of a successful cure.
At the same time, the financial cost is huge. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) during the 2019-2020 period, mental health services in the country cost $ 11 billion which corresponds to $ 431 per person. The total cost, however, rises even further, considering the government’s benefits, the subsidised prescriptions and the cost of man-hours lost due to mental health problems. To make things even worse, AIHW informs us that there was a 1,3 annual average increase in the real capita spending on mental-health-related services from 2015-2016 to 2019-2020.
The benefits of swimming for mental health
Of course, the lockdowns due to the Covid-19 pandemic played a crucial role in the increase in mental-health-related issues. The statistical research during the next years will tell us if this rise was temporary or not. In any case, there’s one undisputed fact: Swimming can improve drastically the mental health status of the population. Here are the main reasons why:
- Swimming releases negative feelings of tension and stress
- Swimming increases feelings of well-being
- Swimming sharpens mental sharpness
- Swimming lifts the mood
- Swimming reinforces self-appreciation and self-esteem
- Swimming helps develop social skills
Those are just the main advantages that swimming offers to people with mental health problems. It is a combination of different factors that can provide an essential helping hand and improve the daily lives of all individuals in need. Physical enhancement, the release of all negative feelings, the daily interaction with caring professionals, and the release of endorphins that cause feelings of pleasure and joy are correlating factors which help enormously people suffering from mental health issues.
The mental aspects of swimming
Contrary to the general feeling, swimming is not just a physical activity. Of course, there can be tremendous physical benefits from swimming. This is obvious just by witnessing the excellent body shape of regular swimmers. This is not the whole story though. Swimming can provide numerous mental benefits to all people who dive in the swimming pool regularly.
- Swimming reinforces self-discipline
- Swimming increases positive feelings
- Swimming improves cognitive functions
- Swimming broadens horizon
- Swimming enhances self-belief
All the above mental benefits of swimming are valuable supportive elements not only for people with mental health issues but also for society. Being in the water, setting up new goals, growing confidence and evaluating the satisfaction gained by social relationships are rates of prosperity. Personal evolution goes hand in hand with social evolution because people are social beings. No one can flourish by himself and no social benefits can occur from unhappy people.
The significance of talking about mental health
It is beyond any doubt that mental health is a sensitive issue and there are no easy solutions. Moreover, there seems to be a paradox. Whereas during the past mental health problems were not so frequent, people were much less open to talking about the problem. In theory, fewer medical cases could be dealt with more effectively. Nowadays, on the other hand, although there is a constant rise in the number of people facing mental health issues, there is a more open approach and a wider share of relevant experience. Maybe it’s not a paradox but a logical consequence, maybe many mental cases in the past were not recorded. There are no easy answers, for sure.
The wonderful Michael Phelps
What is certain is that when well-known people talk openly about mental problems, they stand as an example and ignite a similar attitude in the rest of society. Such is the case of the wonderful Michael Phelps who spoke openly about his depression and anxiety problems. Many individuals on the outside can think: How is it possible for an Olympic champion, an elite swimmer and a person without financial issues to have suicidal thoughts?”
This is a simplistic response though because mental health issues make no distinctions. There are no rules in cases like that. Mental health problems are not a stigma and no one should ever think that it’s his/her fault for dealing with such issues. Fortunately, the great Mr Phelps together with many more elite athletes of all sports have contributed significantly to the change of mindset and on the right road to follow. This is why it’s so important to always talk about our problems. This is why swimming can be a great remedy for all pain!
https://www.nereids.com.au/blog/how-swimming-improves-mental-health
Tuesday, June 27, 2023
To look at anything, to listen to anything, there must be complete silence. Therefore, what is more important, the object, or the silence, quietness and attention? Only when the mind is completely silent can I look and listen. Then listening and seeing and acting are the same.
Krishnamurti From Public Discussion 3, Saanen, 5 August 1966
For years and years, my job was to pile on sand
“Deception takes commitment, vigilance, and a very good memory. To keep the truth buried, you must tend to it. For years and years, my job was to pile on sand - fistfuls, shovelfuls, bucketfuls, whatever the moment necessitated - in an effort to keep my mother's secret buried.”
― Wild Game: My Mother, Her Lover, and Me
“Piece of cake," she said. "Your mother's just lonely."
I was dumbfounded. Malabar had dinner parties almost every weekend; she had been juggling two men for years. "My mother's not lonely," I said.
"You're wrong," said Kyra. "Loneliness is not about how many people you have around. It's about whether or not you feel connected. Whether or not you're able to be yourself."
I was at a loss for words. Was Malabar not being herself when she was being Malabar?
"You know what I mean," Kyra said, breaking it down for me. "The lonely feeling comes from not being known.”
― Wild Game: My Mother, Her Lover, and Me
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. Thich Nhat Hanh
Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. Lao Tzu
Listen to silence. It has so much to say. Rumi
To go out of your mind at least once a day is tremendously important. By going out of your mind, you come to your senses. Alan Watts
A certain amount of doing nothing, and stopping rushing around, would cool everything.
Alan Watts
Remember the entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you. Rumi
Find your Sanctuary
If you had a space where you were ALWAYS greeted with compassion, love, acceptance, and understanding would you not run to this place when life was hard and you felt suffering?
What if there was a place where you were welcomed with warm open arms, where you felt so completely safe that you could release all your inhibitions and allow your feelings, thoughts, and sensations to flow knowing that they would be welcomed and supported unconditionally? Would you not return here time and time again and leave feeling rejuvenated and powerful?
There is such a place and it is an inner sanctuary found inside all of us. It is underneath all the stories and rules we hold onto, under all the beliefs and labels we attach to ourselves. If you look you will find it.
Imagine greeting yourself with empathy and understanding when things became tough. Imagine returning home to yourself to feel the warm loving arms of self-compassion. Would you not run to yourself when suffering? Would you not return to yourself time and time again so that you may rejuvenate and empower yourself?
Offer yourself the space and compassion you would offer your best friend when they are suffering. Return to yourself. Develop your inner sanctuary.
Monday, June 26, 2023
Yes, I'm waiting for them to die
Yes, I'm waiting for them to die, she said laughing. It's true. There's no other way around it. That's the only way to break the tribalism and have peace.
Look for opportunities to practice imaginative courage, remember that why you do something is more important than what you do and, whenever possible, try and seek out awe.
What a musician turned cognitive scientist wants you to know about life
For the first lesson, let’s travel back to when I was 6 years old, when I first asked my parents if I could play the violin. My three older siblings had opted for the clarinet, trumpet and flute, but I was drawn to the violin because my grandmother had played it in a traditional Indian style as a little girl — and I adored her.
I began by learning the Suzuki method, and after a year or so, my parents noticed that while they had to nudge me to do lots of things, they rarely had to remind me to practice the violin.
To help nurture my growing passion, my mom found a local violinist who was willing to take me on as his first-ever student. His approach was unconventional: I never played scales or etudes, or learned proper vibrato technique or the right way to shift across the fingerboard. We skipped straight to the joy of playing pieces. I watched and mimicked, letting my instincts guide me through the music.
This was my experience until one spring afternoon when I was 9. My mom and I were in New York City for the weekend, and I had my violin with me for an audition. After the audition was over, we decided to walk over to Lincoln Center so that I could see the Juilliard School up close. By that point, I knew of the music school and the world-class musicians it had helped nurture. Yo-Yo Ma and Midori had been my favorites — I’d watched a recording of Midori’s 1990 Carnegie Hall recital dozens of times on a VHS tape in my living room. And so, as I stood by the entrance of Juilliard that day, I felt goose bumps imagining all the remarkable musicians who had walked in and out of the building. I resolved to practice harder the next day.
Suddenly, my mom looked at me and said matter-of-factly, “Hey, why don’t we just go in?”
“What do you mean, just go in?!” I thought she was nuts.
“What’s the worst that can happen?” she asked.
I could think of many worst-case scenarios, but I agreed, and within minutes we were in the lobby, with my mom asking the staff if we could look around. There, we struck up a conversation with a young student and her mom. They were rushing off to the fourth floor for a violin lesson but invited us to join them for the elevator ride so that we could keep our conversation going. The student was studying under one of Juilliard’s all-star professors: Dr. Won-Bin Yim. Dr. Yim had studied under Dorothy DeLay, who had taught legends such as Itzhak Perlman.
Just when I thought my mom couldn’t pull out any more surprises, she turned to the student’s mom with a question: Could they kindly introduce us to Dr. Yim after their lesson?
Amazingly, one hour later, I found myself playing the first movement of the Bach Violin Concerto in A Minor for Dr. Yim. After I finished, Dr. Yim expressed what can charitably be described as “muted enthusiasm.” It was clear that while I had strong musical instincts, I did not have the technical skills needed to get into Juilliard. But Dr. Yim told me he would be in residence at a music festival that summer and would be willing to take me on as a temporary student to see if we could level-up my skills in advance of the Juilliard audition in late August. I was giddy with excitement.
That summer was transformative. Dr. Yim was a fantastic teacher. He put me through a rigorous boot camp, and after hours of intense practice every day for months, I finally completed my Juilliard audition.
A week or so later, we got a call from Dr. Yim.
“Hello, Mrs. Shankar,” he said to my mom. “Is there any chance Maya’s name is actually Anna?”
My mom politely answered that no, Anna was not my name. Dr. Yim then explained that he had received the list of accepted students at Juilliard and a certain “Anna Shankar” had been on the list. I remember thinking I’d be happy to go to a court right then and there to register a name change. I had only lived nine years on this planet as a Maya — I could become an Anna, if that’s what the situation required!
Thankfully, Anna turned out to be me. Or I turned out to be Anna? In either case, the point is that someone somewhere had made a typo and I was able to both keep my real name and enroll at Juilliard that fall.
This brings us to the first lesson I want to share: It’s about the power of what one might call imaginative courage. Imaginative courage is what my mom modeled for me by envisioning a path to Juilliard. She was unafraid to ask the questions that opened up opportunities I hadn’t imagined for myself. “Why don’t we just go in?” “What’s the worst that can happen?” “Might it be possible to meet Mr. Yim?”
When I said earlier that I didn’t have a chance of getting into Juilliard when I first played for Dr. Yim that spring day, I was not being falsely modest. Dr. Yim later confessed to my mom that when he first heard me play, he felt my chances were slim … but that he appreciated my “enthusiasm.” My mom had created a critical opening for me: If she had not taken that bold step, I would never have experienced the growth I had at Juilliard.
Some of you will go on to become professional musicians — others may become teachers, or doctors, or activists. Your paths will develop and change, and there will be times when it seems like what you want and hope for does not exist or isn’t possible. But this is when you can call on your Juilliard training. A good musician knows that there is more to a great performance than playing the notes on a page; they know how to bring forth beauty and feeling by creating what’s not yet there. As musicians, you all know how to look beyond the page — and life will require more of this same imagination.
Years after my time at Juilliard, I ended up getting a PhD in cognitive science, where I studied the science of human behavior and decision-making. I realized that rather than work in a lab — which was the expected path — I wanted to use my knowledge to improve how we design government programs and policies so that they could better serve people. But there was no such position available to apply for. And so, I did for myself what my mom had once done for me: I asked questions and took a bold step. “Why don’t I just go in?” “What’s the worst that can happen?”
I sent a cold email to a former adviser in the Obama White House, who introduced me to the president’s science adviser. I pitched the administration on creating a new position for someone with my training, and, ideally, hiring me for the role. Days later, I was interviewing for the job and wound up getting hired. My years working in public policy ended up being some of the most rewarding of my life. And they wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been inspired by my mom to imagine something beyond the page.
Okay, now back to my story with the violin. After I was accepted at Juilliard, my life assumed a new rhythm. Every Saturday morning, my mom and I would wake up at 4:30 to catch a train from Connecticut to New York so I could take part in a full day of classes. You all know the drill: private lessons, orchestra, music theory, ear training, scales class, master classes, chamber music and, of course, gossiping about who got what part and who we had crushes on.
All my Juilliard training began to pay off. I started winning concerto competitions and soloing with orchestras. When I was 13, Itzhak Perlman invited me to be his private violin student, which now meant we were traveling to New York multiple times during the week. Mr. P, as we affectionately called him, gave me the vote of confidence I needed to start believing I might be able to go pro one day.
But then, one summer morning when I was 15, I was practicing Paganini’s challenging Caprice No. 13. I struggled to get this one passage right and I overstretched my finger on a single note. I heard a pop.
It was not a string that had popped but a tendon in my hand. For months, I remained in denial about my injury: I continued to play through pain, until the pain got so severe, I needed surgery. When that wasn’t successful, doctors told me I had to stop playing altogether.
I found myself grieving not just the loss of the instrument, but also the loss of myself. If I was in an airport without a violin strap around my shoulder, it felt like I was missing a limb. The violin had defined me for so long, and without it, I felt stuck. I would later learn that this experience is known as identity paralysis — and it happens to a lot of us when we experience unexpected, unwanted change: Who we think we are and what we’re about is suddenly called into question.
Ultimately, I found my way again as a cognitive scientist, but this experience with change seeded a curiosity within me about how we as humans navigate the big changes in our lives and reckon with the shifts in self-identity that accompany them. I realized that what I missed most about playing the violin was that it had given me a vehicle for connecting emotionally with others. It turned out that this was at the root of my passion for music. And a hopeful message emerged from this insight: Although I had lost the ability to play the violin, I could still find this underlying love of human connection in other pursuits.
This brings me to a second lesson: We can learn to anchor our identities not to what we do – but to why we do it. Thinking of our identities in this way can make us more resilient in the face of change.
As you imagine your future, ask yourself what drives you to do the things you love — what really lights you up about them. Connecting emotionally with people is what makes me tick. For you, it might be a love of storytelling, or learning new things, or challenging yourself, or helping others. Whatever it might be, remembering this can help you feel grounded during periods of uncertainty, guiding you toward your next steps while retaining the core of who you are.
The third and final lesson I’ve learned is to make space for awe. I remember one night when I was 12. I was in bed, in the dark, and listening to a recording of Anne-Sophie Mutter playing the Beethoven violin concerto. My heart raced along with the melody, and I felt shivers during certain phrases. I was awestruck by how beautiful the music was — and how it made me feel.
As I got older, though, there were moments when I lost sight of how extraordinary music is. Especially in my teens, I became a far more self-conscious musician, fearful of how my peers would judge my playing, envious of those who seemed to play effortlessly and burdened by the competitive nature of performance. My constant mental chatter — focused on all the wrong stuff — muted the awe.
And then, as you know, I gave up hope of being a professional musician and rarely touched my instrument. My violin — my life around it, and the awe and wonder that had blanketed me as a child — stayed in the back of a closet.
Until one day in graduate school when I received a phone call. The organizers of a conference I was slated to attend in South Africa told me they had a surprise guest of honor: violinist Joshua Bell. They wanted to know whether I’d like to perform the Bach Double with him. They had no idea it had been years since I had picked up my violin. I had so much scar tissue in my hand that I realistically had only a concert or two left in me, period. I wanted this to be one of them.
I had no idea what it would be like to play my instrument again. But the basics came back to me more easily than I’d thought they would. And so there we were one night, Josh Bell and I performing together on an outdoor stage, under a starry South African sky. In the middle of the second movement when the two violins sing in unison, an old, familiar feeling returned. My heart raced, and I was in awe of the music.
It is remarkable that a collection of musical notes — arranged just so — can bring tears to our eyes. Whether it’s listening to Beethoven’s “Emperor Concerto” or Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well,” watching a beautiful sunset, or marveling at a new scientific discovery, feeling awe can help us tap into better versions of who we are as people. We feel more connected to the broader whole, to something bigger than ourselves.
And
so, as you begin to anticipate the joys and challenges that lie ahead, I
hope these three lessons will inspire you: Look for opportunities to
practice imaginative courage, remember that why you do something is more
important than what you do and, whenever possible, try and seek out
awe. source
Ray Bradbury and Mr. Electrico
I have to reread this story every few months!
Circuses and carnivals were always passing through Illinois during my childhood and I was in love with their mystery. One autumn weekend in 1932, when I was twelve years old, the Dill Brothers Combined Shows came to town. One of the performers was Mr. Electrico. He sat in an electric chair. A stagehand pulled a switch and he was charged with fifty thousand volts of pure electricity. Lightning flashed in his eyes and his hair stood on end.
The next day, I had to go the funeral of one of my favorite uncles. Driving back from the graveyard with my family, I looked down the hill toward the shoreline of Lake Michigan and I saw the tents and the flags of the carnival and I said to my father, Stop the car. He said, What do you mean? And I said, I have to get out. My father was furious with me. He expected me to stay with the family to mourn, but I got out of the car anyway and I ran down the hill toward the carnival.
It didn’t occur to me at the time, but I was running away from death, wasn’t I? I was running toward life. And there was Mr. Electrico sitting on the platform out in front of the carnival and I didn’t know what to say. I was scared of making a fool of myself. I had a magic trick in my pocket, one of those little ball-and-vase tricks—a little container that had a ball in it that you make disappear and reappear—and I got that out and asked, Can you show me how to do this? It was the right thing to do. It made a contact. He knew he was talking to a young magician. He took it, showed me how to do it, gave it back to me, then he looked at my face and said, Would you like to meet those people in that tent over there? Those strange people? And I said, Yes sir, I would. So he led me over there and he hit the tent with his cane and said, Clean up your language! Clean up your language! He took me in, and the first person I met was the illustrated man. Isn’t that wonderful? The Illustrated Man! He called himself the tattooed man, but I changed his name later for my book. I also met the strong man, the fat lady, the trapeze people, the dwarf, and the skeleton. They all became characters.
Mr. Electrico was a beautiful man, see, because he knew that he had a little weird kid there who was twelve years old and wanted lots of things. We walked along the shore of Lake Michigan and he treated me like a grown-up. I talked my big philosophies and he talked his little ones. Then we went out and sat on the dunes near the lake and all of a sudden he leaned over and said, I’m glad you’re back in my life. I said, What do you mean? I don’t know you. He said, You were my best friend outside of Paris in 1918. You were wounded in the Ardennes and you died in my arms there. I’m glad you’re back in the world. You have a different face, a different name, but the soul shining out of your face is the same as my friend. Welcome back.
Now why did he say that? Explain that to me, why? Maybe he had a dead son, maybe he had no sons, maybe he was lonely, maybe he was an ironical jokester. Who knows? It could be that he saw the intensity with which I live. Every once in a while at a book signing I see young boys and girls who are so full of fire that it shines out of their face and you pay more attention to that. Maybe that’s what attracted him.
When I left the carnival that day I stood by the carousel and I watched the horses running around and around to the music of “Beautiful Ohio,” and I cried. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I knew something important had happened to me that day because of Mr. Electrico. I felt changed. He gave me importance, immortality, a mystical gift. My life was turned around completely. It makes me cold all over to think about it, but I went home and within days I started to write. I’ve never stopped.
Seventy-seven years ago, and I’ve remembered it perfectly. I went back and saw him that night. He sat in the chair with his sword, they pulled the switch, and his hair stood up. He reached out with his sword and touched everyone in the front row, boys and girls, men and women, with the electricity that sizzled from the sword. When he came to me, he touched me on the brow, and on the nose, and on the chin, and he said to me, in a whisper, “Live forever.” And I decided to.
-Ray Bradbury, Paris Review
Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life: Dr. Cheung & Thich Nhat Hanh
1. Begin with your shopping list. Consider the health value of every item you add to your list and stick to it to avoid impulse buying when you're shopping. Fill most of your cart in the produce section and avoid the center aisles—which are heavy with processed foods — and the chips and candy at the check-out counter.
2. Come to the table with an appetite — but not when ravenously hungry. If you skip meals, you may be so eager to get anything in your stomach that your first priority is filling the void instead of enjoying your food.
3. Start with a small portion. It may be helpful to limit the size of your plate to nine inches or less.
4. Appreciate your food. Pause for a minute or two before you begin eating to contemplate everything and everyone it took to bring the meal to your table. Silently express your gratitude for the opportunity to enjoy delicious food and the companions you're enjoying it with.
5. Bring all your senses to the meal. When you're cooking, serving, and eating your food, be attentive to color, texture, aroma, and even the sounds different foods make as you prepare them. As you chew your food, try identifying all the ingredients, especially seasonings.
6. Take small bites. It's easier to taste food completely when your mouth isn't full. Put down your utensil between bites.
7. Chew thoroughly. Chew well until you can taste the essence of the food. (You may have to chew each mouthful 20 to 40 times, depending on the food.) You may be surprised at all the flavors that are released.
8. Eat slowly. If you follow the advice above, you won't bolt your food down. Devote at least five minutes to mindful eating before you chat with your tablemates.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/8-steps-to-mindful-eating
Raymond Carver poem
At Least
I want to get up early one more morning, before sunrise. Before the birds, even. I want to throw cold water on my face and be at my work table when the sky lightens and smoke begins to rise from the chimneys of the other houses. I want to see the waves break on this rocky beach, not just hear them break as I did all night in my sleep. I want to see again the ships that pass through the Strait from every seafaring country in the world— old, dirty freighters just barely moving along, and the swift new cargo vessels painted every color under the sun that cut the water as they pass. I want to keep an eye out for them. And for the little boat that plies the water between the ships and the pilot station near the lighthouse. I want to see them take a man off the ship and put another up on board. I want to spend the day watching this happen and reach my own conclusions. I hate to seem greedy—I have so much to be thankful for already. But I want to get up early one more morning, at least. And go to my place with some coffee and wait. Just wait, to see what’s going to happen. from Where Water Comes Together with Other Water (Vintage, 1985)
As a teen I had no boundaries.
My friend and I were talking about her teen daughter. Teenage tumult is terrible. It's a tornado of hormones, identity, growth, fear, desire for independence and yet fear of it. Push pull, push pull! Breathe. Hold your ground. Boundaries are good even if they cause a fight. Boundaries mean, I love you. I CARE! Boundaries mean you're talking, arguing, communicating. She may not realize it now but she will someday.
As a teen I had no boundaries. Nobody cared. I stepped out the door at 11 pm and walked a mile to my boyfriend's house. Once I left driving to New Hampshire with a high school friend (she was older and drove). All I did was leave a note on the table. No repercussions. No argument. My mother was too caught up in her own life to say anything or discuss it.
One winter my family went to Europe for vacation and to visit my sister and Dolores, my father's former secretary. My mother flat-out told me I was not invited. You're no fun to be around, she said. Again no further discussion. I stayed home with the housekeeper. When I think of it now it's so crazy.
One summer I was locked in my parents' country house alone for 10 weeks, with the promise I could come home next week, maybe next week, no, next week. I still shudder when I think of the cruelty and damage that caused. At the end of the summer I just started walking away from their prison. I walked ten miles barefoot until my feet bled.
After that I never lived at home nor did I ever trust them again.
I truly despise groups. Tribal folks are like okay, you leave us, we'll have to kill you.
Swam in the outdoor pool from 3:30 to 4:30. BLISS. Lots of happy kids and I was the only lap swimmer!
The pool is open every day from 5:30 AM until 6 PM on weekends and 7 PM weekdays. I asked if the pool would be crowded for a 6:30 AM outside lap swim, and they said NOBODY uses it then. So I hope to!
I swam last Friday & Saturday at my local pool in the morning. This had been my pandemic routine with a particular group of swimmers, but after the pandemic I began swimming at other times. Sure enough, the regular group were all there, as usual. It was sheer hell because they all want me back to rejoin their TRIBE from during the pandemic. Some of them were actually angry that I had moved on. They don't get it. I am neither tribal nor extroverted. I go my own way, preferably alone.
I truly despise groups. One person at a time please. Tribal folk are like okay, you leave us we'll we have to kill you.
The evolutionary brain favors introverts. Unfortunately many people choose not to evolve.
Pain is not a punishment, pleasure is not a reward.
― Pema Chödrön, Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion
Sunday, June 25, 2023
Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.
“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”
―
Why do you stay in prison When the door is so wide open?
“Be empty of worrying.
Think of who created thought!
Why do you stay in prison
When the door is so wide open?”
― The Essential Rumi
Saturday, June 24, 2023
Why Introverts Love Swimming
Article 04/14/2021 | Written by Nikos Kaskaras
Probably one of the most common stereotypes is related to people who are introverts. Although views tend to change lately, as the pandemic condition worldwide leads to social distancing, there's still a tendency to discriminate against less social prone individuals. Very usually, they are not the most popular choices for arranging a night out or a sports event with buddies. Does this mean that people who tend not to express their emotions are somehow excluded from the world of sports? Definitely not! Swimming can be the ideal sports activity for introverts.
Before we explain why swimming fits perfectly to introverts, it would be useful to delve a bit deeper into the extent and stats of introversion. Firstly, it shall be clear that it's a different concept from shyness or social anxiety disorder. Introversion is a personality trait while shyness is related to feelings and social anxiety disorder is a form of mental illness. Then, introversion is very common to the majority of people.
Evidence suggests that it is rather rare to find absolute introverts or extroverts and most people tend to combine the two traits. Carl Jung, who first introduced the concepts, spoke about the “third group” that is “the most numerous and includes the less differentiated man”. He also assumed that introverts and extroverts are minorities, meaning that it's highly unlikely for individuals to possess just one of the two traits. Bottom line is that introversion is not a concept that applies to estranged people who just want to be alone, but is present within most of us.
The first reason why swimming is ideal for people who tend to be introverts is that it's a purely individual sport. Of course, all swimmers, especially during the first steps of learning basic swimming skills are mentored and guided by certified swim coaches. Nevertheless, when you step into the swimming pool you are alone with yourself. This provokes a great challenge for introverts, as it demands their whole attention and effort. The use of the whole body is essential for floating and swimming effectively, resulting in a full workout that combines physical and mental coordination. This is great stuff for introverts.
They can work their whole body in the pace and rhythm they wish, without having to interact with anyone. They set their limits, they find out how far they can go and they choose the swimming style they will adopt. Introverts love the freedom of setting their own pace without having to adjust to external standards. Furthermore, their progress depends on their effort and dedication. Team sports, in contrast, require constant cooperation and interaction and are often not reflective of individual contribution.
Another reason why introverts will love swimming is because of the isolation they enjoy. Indeed, swimming is probably the most individualistic of all sports. It's not only the “personal effort” factor that plays a significant role. Unlike most other non-team sports, swimming ensures the minimum disturbance from external noises that could abstract attention and affect concentration levels. The element of water is crucial for that because it functions as a “filter” that leaves out everything else. When your head is below water or when you swim moving in parallel to the aquatic surface, you can't hear anything from the outside. For an even better result, you could use earplugs that protect your ears from possible water entrance. This is the absolute way of achieving mindfulness in water. Introverts are usually fond of working and self-developing alone. Outside stimulus, like sounds or images, could distract their attention and, thus, affect the outcome of their efforts. Getting in the pool can be the step for personal clarity and fulfillment if you tend to be an introvert.
Although, it's not a law that applies to all introverts, it's, however, true that they tend to prefer a certain, predetermined space for action. Typically, people who possess the trait of introversion are not so fond of having to interact with a lot of strangers as they feel that the game is out of their hands. Additionally, in team sports, it's usually more difficult to predict the outcome of a training or a formal match because it depends on various factors. A teammate's bad performance, less effective communication with the other members of the team or even bad weather can affect the result of a game. As introverts prefer to set their own rules and control the level of their personal development, they tend to avoid such a situation. This is why they prefer to train within a safe, controlled environment, where their progress would depend exclusively on their efforts. Swimming is indeed one of the most “democratic” (sic) sports. How people develop their skills depends exclusively on them. On the other hand, in most other individual sports external factors, such as strong winds or poor pitch conditions could affect the outcome regardless of personal effort and skills.
Introverts are more selective than extroverts. They don't feel comfortable speaking to all people and their self-esteem does not depend on the number of their friends. Intense social interaction drains the energy out of introverts while for extroverts the opposite applies: They gain energy being the center of attention. On the other hand, introverts tend to seek self-understanding and self-knowledge. They think before they speak, carefully select their friends and companions and don't express their feelings easily. For all the above reasons, water is the perfect “place to be” for introverts. Its qualities and the unique feelings it provides, make it a very favorable surrounding for them. Water allows all the inclinations of introverts to express, allowing them to gain a better insight into their thoughts and emotions. It's ideal for releasing tension and letting all negative feelings get out of your system. At the same time, it raises concentration levels, facilitating self-introspection. Introverts love such conditions. That's why they tend to be very fond of what water can provide them.
Another unique advantage that swimming offers to introverts, is the time it provides them for their personal development. Unlike the vast majority of other team and individual sports, where people need another player to practice effectively, swimming it's not a prerequisite. On the contrary, it can be more beneficial for people who love working alone. Introverts prefer setting their own pace of learning rather than following the trends of the values of Western societies. Of course, this does not mean that they are slow learners. It's rather the opposite as research shows that they are better decision-makers than extroverts. Nevertheless, solitude is a common pursuit for introverts, for it allows them to recharge their “batteries”. The combination of a controlled environment, pleasant routine and personal choice of the learning process make the most attractive “package” for such personalities. That's why they appreciate swimming when they discover it.
more: https://www.nereids.com.au/blog/how-swimming-improves-mental-health
This being human is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor...Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. ― Rumi
You dance inside my chest
“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.”
―
Become nothing
“Knock, And He'll open the door
Vanish, And He'll make you shine like the sun
Fall, And He'll raise you to the heavens
Become nothing, And He'll turn you into everything.”
―
Be notorious
“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?”
―“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”
―“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.”
―
Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free. ― Rumi
“What you seek is seeking you.”
―“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”
―
Stop acting so small.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
―“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”
―
“If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?”
―
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
―
The moment you accept what troubles you've been given, the door will open. Rumi
The moment you accept what troubles you've been given, the door will open. Welcome difficulty as a familiar comrade. Joke with torment brought by the friend. Sorrows are the rags of old clothes and jackets that serve to cover, then are taken off. That undressing and the beautiful naked body underneath is the sweetness that comes after grief. The hurt you embrace becomes joy.
―
Dream
A Japanese friend mine had an 85 year old father. In the dream she asked me if I would support him by performing with him in a dance recital in a month. I was to dress as a ballerina and wear white tights and a tutu. I said yes.
Friday, June 23, 2023
...people liking you or not liking you is an accident and is to do with them and not you. That goes for love too, only more so.
― Edna O'Brien, Girls in Their Married Bliss
In our deepest moments we say the most inadequate things.
― Edna O'Brien, A Fanatic Heart: Selected Stories
Turkey Burgers
For the Burgers
- ½ medium onion
- 1 pound lean ground turkey
- 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
- 2 tablespoons ketchup
- ¾ teaspoon salt
- Freshly ground pepper to taste
- 4 hamburger buns, preferably whole wheat
- 1 tablespoon canola oil, or use pan spray
For Serving
- Sliced tomato
- Sliced onion
- Iceberg lettuce
- Pickles
- Sliced red pepper
- Ketchup and mustard
Preparation
- Step 1
Grate the onion on the fine holes of a grater. You should have about two tablespoons of grated onion (and a lot of juice, which you can discard). Place in a bowl with the ground turkey, Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, salt and pepper. Using a fork, mix together well. Shape into four patties — the mixture will be quite moist — and press the patties into ½-inch thick rounds.
- Step 2
Heat the canola oil in a nonstick griddle or large nonstick frying pan over medium-high heat. (Alternately, spray the griddle or pan with pan spray.) When you can feel the heat while holding your hand just above griddle or pan, cook the patties for five minutes on each side. Serve on buns, with the condiments of your choice. source
- Poultry Burgers
When looking for ground chicken or turkey for burgers, make sure that you get the highest fat to meat ratio available at the grocery store, or consider going to a butcher or specialty shop. Because poultry is leaner than red meat, you’ll need to add fat and moisture, since the meat itself generally won’t be fatty enough to retain a patty shape or fry up properly. Moisten them by adding ketchup and a bit of grated onion to the ground meat — or mayonnaise and a bit of mustard.
Solo Swimmer in a New Land
I am a solo traveler. People like to form tribes and pin me down. I just pop over to a different time slot or visit another pool. I am enjoying pool hopping. Indoors, outdoors, warm, or cold, as long as it's water and I have my freedom to come and go, I am happy.
Swimming outdoors is fun. I wear tinted goggles to protect my eyes and I admire the clouds and sky. Children and their fathers mothers and grandmothers are everywhere. The splash park is next to the pool and it's sheer joy for the children. When the big yellow bucket empties they all get splashed and scream.
The lifeguards rotate every 15 minutes so they stay alert. I love this place! It's cozy and full of happy families. My 90 minute summer camp vacation. The locker rooms have piped in music which is hilarious to me. The bathing suit squeezer is silent. The only thing missing is access to ice cold water. I will bring a thermos.
Writing is like driving a car at night: you never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
“Writers are not just people who sit down and write. They hazard themselves. Every time you compose a book your composition of yourself is at stake. ”
“A novelist is a person who lives in other people's skins.”
―
a heroic vocation
I looked forward to the struggle of the writing life. I thought of it as a heroic vocation. SUSAN SONTAG
growth and innovation is possible. There’s no age limit.
Every time I write a new novel, I tell myself, Okay, here is what I’m going to try to accomplish, and I set concrete goals for myself—for the most part visible, technical types of goals. I enjoy writing like that. As I clear a new hurdle and accomplish something different, I get a real sense that I’ve grown, even if only a little, as a writer. It’s like climbing, step-by-step, up a ladder. The wonderful thing about being a novelist is that even in your 50s and 60s, that kind of growth and innovation is possible. There’s no age limit. The same wouldn’t hold true for an athlete.
HARUKI MURAKAMI