New House

Four times a year I have a profound shift in mood and energy and perspective. After four decades of thinking I am to blame, I cause it, it must be something I'm doing or not doing, eating or not eating, I realize that I have a splash of the bipolar. I tell my unipolar friends you are so lucky because once you move into your house you can settle in. My house shifts every ten weeks, like a college semester. My theory is we all have a bit of it because it is related to the seasons and the light - we are animals after all. But the survival of the syndrome in humans may be because it is important and useful to be blessed with this kind of mind. We all know the drawbacks, but I'd like to talk about the gifts.

I keep a calendar and a daily journal to track the ups and downs. I have become a writer, athlete, musician, painter, cook, and mother of dogs in the process of tracking this. I try to warn my friends in advance that I have two houses. When the flat gray sets in, I begrudgingly set up shop and get accustomed to my state, and then weeks go by (ten weeks to be exact) and swoosh and whoosh the cyclone hits and like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz I wake up with an "Oh" and realize I'm not in Kansas anymore, for a little while at least. Nonetheless I am too much for most people on either side! It doesn't matter. I am a writer and a painter and a musician, that's how I make my life, my living, and fill and fulfill my time.

Right now I am at my desk, the sun is rising, the birds are singing, I got up at five thirty and was ready for life and the day! Just a few weeks ago I was the opposite. Today I know I must not skip my walk or drink too much coffee, must keep the balance and harness this energy! I use this energy to write and paint and walk for miles and take notes . . . oh, and get dog food and apples, and photograph the building being torn down downtown, and practice my bari sax, and maybe bake a pie and write a few letters . . . are you laughing yet? My mind is faster than my actions, but I can try to line them up. The goal is not to undo the cycle but to be in balance, to use this delicious machine, these muscular legs, this wild imagination!