Caterpillar and Butterfly

Mood is like weather. In general I can't choose the weather I live with, but I can be ready with boots and umbrella, or bathing suit. When I think of my mood as weather I am less likely to blame myself for the mood, or identify with it so deeply. I try to see and develop the things in me that are unchanging no matter what the "weather-mood" is doing. I think of this as developing my fulcrum.

Cyclic moods are like the tides. Tide charts are essential, and the moon affects the tides, and storms coming up the coast must be monitored. Floods and droughts are difficult and must be dealt with the best way possible. Planning and managing require first surrendering identification with mood.

I used to have a lot of shame about my moods, and I would ride my moods like a surfer riding waves. I would push them to extremes, or try to hold onto them. I really believed that when I felt great, I had "finally figured something out." Now I know when I feel good that the sad days will return, and when I feel sad I know good days will return. So I am less inclined to push or grab at my moods. I try to keep both sides in mind. Joy and pain become more of a bittersweet life dance, as many spiritual traditions point out.

I am either a caterpillar or a butterfly, but there is no favoritism because each are essential to the other. A butterfly can't imagine putting on all those pairs of shoes every morning, and a caterpillar can't imagine lifting off as a way to get around.

My imagination is a fulcrum - even as my mood fluctuates, my imagination operates reliably 24/7. On the other hand, my sensual sensitivity fluctuates with mood. At times the chemical, sound, taste, visual, and body sensitivity can be a gift, and other times a burden. So I try to celebrate the gift and laugh at the annoyance. The best thing for me to do is reassure myself that the mood will pass, and to use and work my body (another reliable fulcrum) as much as possible to help the caterpillar lift up its head, or help the butterfly stay in touch with the earth. There is poetry in the sadness, and gravity in the joy.