The Whole Way in the Dark

When I called, my aunt said "Do you know what day it is? Jewish New Year!"

Eighteen years ago I had just bought my house and I still had a car. I cooked up a feast: roasted red peppers, apple crisp, tofu whipped cream, spicy kale cooked in olive oil and garlic with corn niblets for color, and a basket of my whole wheat bread. I packed the food in my beloved cast iron dutch ovens, loaded up my old silver Subaru wagon, and drove west an hour and a half to my parents country house, a 1750 farmhouse with a view, out in the middle of Massachusetts. It was a surprise but my aunt and uncle knew I was coming with a feast. They were driving up from Brighton Beach to converge.

When I showed up there was a scarecrow displayed out front leaning against the barn. It was wearing my mother's old hospital-beige neck brace, which made my stomach turn. I went inside and my Aunt Irene and Uncle Ron were glad to see me but my parents weren't thrilled by the surprise. They like to be in control but I didn't understand that back then. I set the table and we ate my banquet lunch in their designer kitchen. When we were about to have dessert my mother said "What are you on?" "What? Nothing!" What was she talking about? I was so insulted. After the meal as I packed up to leave my mother said "I am keeping all of the food." I explained that I was hoping to bring some food back for my husband's dinner when he got home from work. She reluctantly parceled out a portion as if I were twisting her arm - there was plenty of food. I drove home angry and sad. I missed the highway exit and ended up taking the local road the whole way home in the dark.