Lee Gutkind

Years ago, I met once a week, 9 a.m. sharp, with a therapist whom I will call Dr. Mason. We would settle in well-worn chairs, Dr. Mason, a slender, balding middle-ager in blazer and striped tie, and me, an anxious academic in Levi’s and tweeds. Sometimes I’d plunge into whatever was on my mind, but other times we would sit and look at each other in silence as I struggled for words. But Dr. Mason had a simple method of getting me to begin. He would lean slightly forward, all the while maintaining eye contact and then when he got my attention, he would nod.

I will never forget that nod; it was a signal that he was with me and I could safely express myself about whatever was on my mind, but I realize now that he was controlling the conversation. A cursory nod encouraged. Elongated ups and downs, (and the raising of eyebrows!) symbolized agreement. And if I got off course, he would alertly break his silence and redirect me. I was playing the music, but Dr. Mason was the conductor.

This is the first lesson for writers — or anyone — who conducts interviews: If you want someone to talk, you’ve got to know how to listen. And good listening is a surprisingly active process. The interviewee is your focus of attention; you are there to hear what he says and thinks, exclusively.

-Lee Gutkind, NYT article, How to Listen.
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