Running from Themselves

We Fake It, But We’re Always Running Away From Something
by Kayla Gonchar
Everybody is always running from something, whether they want to admit it or not.

A test, family problems, work, and almost always themselves. We have this unique ability to be capable of lying, from the simplest things to the most complex. However, the person we lie to most is ourselves. We pity ourselves when we feel like something is unfair. We tell ourselves that everything will be ok when it’s not. We hid things, compartmentalize things, trick ourselves into believing things we originally know are false. But what happens when we get too good at hiding things from ourselves. What happens when we can’t remember where we started or even why. To make ourselves feel loved? To make us feel as if we can accomplish something. Life has a funny way of knocking us down. Shaking us to the core of ourselves. Shaking away all these false perceptions we made ourselves believe. And then what? People saying being broken is the best thing. It shakes us out of our routines, out of the false perceptions we have made. But when we’re broken and there is nothing left, where do we being to put the pieces back together?

Introspection is a unique tool we’ve been given; the ability to look at ourselves. But what happens when we don’t know who or what are looking at. How do we find calm in the chaos? How do we pick the shattered pieces off the floor and put them back together?

It’s as if we are putting a puzzle back together when there is no picture of what it’s supposed to be; the pieces are jagged, rough and nothing seems to go together. They tell us to fake it, to put one foot in front of the other. But how do we walk when we don’t know how to stand? How does anyone get to a place when they don’t know where they are going? When we can’t even read the signs? When we break and end up raw. Now everything we’ve ever tried to hide is on show for whoever looks our way. Those who do look instantly feel pity.

Say a quick thank you that it’s not them. Most just continue walking looking at the feet, afraid if they do make eye contact that our brokenness will somehow transfer onto them. However this time of brokenness is liberating. How else would we learn who we are? Who we are destined to be. In a way it makes us free. Free from misconceptions, free from lies, free from what other people want us to do. Their ideas about who we need to be. When we are lying on your floor wondering how we are going to stand up, a peaceful bliss falls over us. Only when those expectations really fall away can we really breathe.

A calm covers us like a blanket and we start to think. What am I going to do now? The rawness sparks a fire at our core. Rising us from the ground, enabling us to rebuild, stand, to put one foot in front of the other. Being broken is one of the most beautiful things that can happen to a person. It enables us to rebuild a stronger foundation, one that is more true to who we are. Without events that shatter us no one would grow. We would never have the opportunity to take control of our own lives and rebuild from the ground up. The next time anyone ends up feeling raw, remember this is one of the most crucial times in your life. A chance where we can really make a difference in our own lives.

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