Receive-Mode

Receive-mode at its most intense is what I call the mental flu. Recently I experienced it as a metaphoric double vision. I struggle to be in the present moment but it's nearly impossible because I'm simultaneously grieving and sentimental about the moment I'm trying to have. That's a tangle to imagine but trust me, it's true. If I'm lucky I'm just vacillating between thoughts about the past and doomsday scenarios about the future. Nonetheless I'm anywhere but here. It's as if 12 radios tuned to 12 different stations are blaring in my brain at once. So how do I keep from jumping off a cliff? I walk miles with my dog, I swim laps, and play my horn. I'm deliberately being physical to be out of my noisy head. I make art, and know that things will brighten a little in a week or two. Everything's coming in, that's why I call it receive-mode.