Cozy in the Cave of Gloom

Article by Marybeth Smith

Well, I’m going to make a confession. Sometimes, I find depression comforting. It’s not that I like being sad. And I definitely don’t like sifting through thoughts of why my life should come to a halt. But there’s just something about depression that makes it hard to let go of at times. It’s the familiarity of being depressed. I know depressed. I’m used to depressed. Depressed is almost unnaturally natural for me.

You see, I know what to expect from depressed. That stinking monster never leaves me flowers, never writes me love notes, and definitely never helps with cleaning my house! Depressed sticks around for weeks, sometimes even months. And I know it doesn’t get any worse than being depressed. But happy … well that’s a whole different story. Happy creeps up out of nowhere. It’s blissful awkwardness is almost frightening. Will happy last? Is this real happy? Or is it mania happy? I just can’t trust happy. Happy rarely sticks around for long. Happy is a tease and no one likes a tease! Happy gives me all the best feelings in the world and then out of nowhere, they disappear. Depressed gives me nothing, which leaves nothing for me to lose.
- Marybeth Smith