First Rule of Holes

“The first rule of holes: When you're in one stop digging.”
― Molly Ivins

“Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of men why they felt threatened by women. They said they were afraid women would laugh at them.”
― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?

“I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.”
― Molly Ivins

“When politicians start talking about large groups of their fellow Americans as 'enemies,' it's time for a quiet stir of alertness. Polarizing people is a good way to win an election, and also a good way to wreck a country.”
― Molly Ivins

“Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention."

[Shrub Flubs His Dub, The Nation, June 18, 2001]”
― Molly Ivins

“It's all very well to run around saying regulation is bad, get the government off our backs, etc. Of course our lives are regulated. When you come to a stop sign, you stop; if you want to go fishing, you get a license; if you want to shoot ducks, you can shoot only three ducks. The alternative is dead bodies at the intersection, no fish, and no ducks. OK?

(Getting Control of the Frontier, Gainsville Sun, March 22, 1995)”
― Molly Ivins

“So keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds,
but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Be outrageous... rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through celebrating the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was!”
― Molly Ivins

“I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil.
And that no one knows the truth.”
― Molly Ivins

“There are two kinds of humor. One kind that makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity -- like what Garrison Keillor does. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule -- that's what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar. ”
― Molly Ivins

“There is no inverse relationship between freedom and security. Less of one does not lead to more of the other. People with no rights are not safe from terrorist attack.”
― Molly Ivins

“I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults.”
― Molly Ivins

“What you need is sustained outrage...there's far too much unthinking respect given to authority.”
― Molly Ivins

“Rank imperialism and warmongering are not American traditions or values. We do not need to dominate the world.”
― Molly Ivins

“It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.”
― Molly Ivins

“As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office.”
― Molly Ivins

“I don't so much mind that newspapers are dying - it's watching them commit suicide that pisses me off.”
― Molly Ivins

“Politics is not a picture on a wall or a television sitcom that you can decide you don't much care for.”
― Molly Ivins

“I believe all Southern liberals come from the same starting point--race. Once you figure out they are lying to you about race, you start to question everything.”
― Molly Ivins

“One function of the income gap is that the people at the top of the heap have a hard time even seeing those at the bottom. They practically need a telescope. The pharaohs of ancient Egypt probably didn't was a lot of time thinking about the people who build their pyramids, either.”
― Molly Ivins

“I am not anti-gun. I'm pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We'd turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don't ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives.”
― Molly Ivins

“One function of the income gap is that the people at the top of the heap have a hard time even seeing those at the bottom. They practically need a telescope.”
― Molly Ivins

“All of which indicates that he's quite a fast learner. When you approve of a politician, this is known as flexibility; when you don't, it's called lack of principal - but in fact, politics requires accommodation.”
― Molly Ivans

“The odd thing about these television discussions designed to “get all sides of the issue” is that they do not feature a spectrum of people with different views on reality: Rather, they frequently give us a face-off between those who see reality and those who have missed it entirely. In the name of objectivity, we are getting fantasy-land.”
― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?: Vintage Books Edition

“All right, all right, so I love Lubbock. I never claimed to have exquisite taste. I’ll be there with the diehards to the end, trying to explain, “No, this is a griddle with some Monopoly houses on it: this is Lubbock.” Still, the life of all us Lubbock-lovers would be a lot easier if the Chamber of Commerce hadn’t adopted the slogan “Keep Lubbock Beautiful.” Keep?”
― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?: Vintage Books Edition

“The only problem was, the founders left a lot of people out of the Constitution. They left out poor people and black people and female people. It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America. And it still goes on today.”
― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?: Vintage Books Edition

“Carl Parker observes, if you took all the fools out of the Lege, it wouldn’t be a representative body anymore.”
― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?: Vintage Books Edition

“I like to think of this as ecological journalism: I recycle.”
― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?: Vintage Books Edition

“The victor in the Democratic primary was State Senator Bill Sarpalius, who got a leg up one night in January when a disgruntled patriot slugged him so hard it broke his jaw and the jaw had to be wired shut for most of the campaign. For most politicians, that would constitute an electoral handicap, but since Sarpalius is not bent over double with intellect, it proved a boon. He’s a tall, nice-looking, apple-cheeked fellow, and if you don’t have to listen to him, he looks good.”
― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?: Vintage Books Edition

“Confusing the academy with the world is a dumb and dangerous thing to do. In the real world, money talks, bullshit walks. In a state legislature, clout meets clout, money meets money, interest fights interest, and only the strong prevail. Which is why ordinary folks keep losing. Should this strike you as an unduly Darwinian view of what is, after all, a liberal, Western democracy, I can only commend you to Reality School. Go and study how the laws are made and then tell me if I lie.”
― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?: Vintage Books Edition

“Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower, reflecting on Bush’s “stay-the-course” strategy, said, “If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want the drillin’ rights on that man’s head.”
― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?: Vintage Books Edition