At times
At times I can certainly see a subject clearly and distinctly,
think my way through it, great sweeping thoughts that I can scarcely
grasp but which all at once give me an intense feeling of importance.
Yet when I try to write them down they shrivel into nothing, and that's
why I lack the courage to commit them to paper - in case I become too
disillusioned with the fatuous little as they that emerges. But let me
impress just one thing upon you, sister. Wash your hands of all attempts
to embody those great, sweeping thoughts. The smallest, most fatuous
little essay is worth more than the flood of grandiose ideas in which
you like to wallow. Of course you must hold on to your forebodings and
your intuitions. They are the sources upon which you draw, but be
careful not to drown in them. Just organise things a little, exercise
some mental hygiene. Your imagination and your emotions are like a vast
ocean from which you wrest small pieces of land that may well be flooded
again. The ocean is wide and elemental, but what matter are the small
pieces of land you reclaim from it. The subject right before you is more
important than those prodigious thoughts of Tolstoy and Napoleon that
occurred to you in the middle of last night, and the lesson you gave
that keen young girl and Friday night is more important than all your
vague philosophizing. Never forget that. Don't overestimate your own
intensity; it may give you the impression that you were cut out for
greater things than the so-called men in the street, who's inner life is
a closed book to you. In fact, you're no more than a weakling and a
non-entity adrift and tossed by the waves. Keep your eyes fixed on the
mainland and don't flounder helplessly in the ocean.
―
Etty Hillesum,
An Interrupted Life: The Diaries, 1941-1943; and Letters from Westerbork
No comments:
Post a Comment