Dopamine

“When we ingest a drug or a drink, our system instantly floods with an absurd amount of dopamine — from two to ten times the natural amount — causing an intense uprush of pleasure and focus, essentially shortcutting the brain’s natural reward system. That feels really, really good. Then a couple of things happen. The hippocampus — the part of the brain responsible for creating memories — lays down “tracks” or “records” of this rapid sense of satisfaction. So essentially the brain remembers: I can cut straight to the good feelings with this simple little thing. Next, the amygdala, which is responsible for emotions and survival instincts, creates a conditioned response to the stimulus (for me, it’s alcohol; for you, it’s whatever your “thing” is), and as a result, the brain produces less dopamine or even in severe cases eliminates dopamine receptors in an effort to maintain balance, causing the activity that once used to be the fast track to pleasure to become less and less pleasurable over time. Now, repeat this cycle a few thousand times, and the brain’s reward and learning functions change significantly. The actual pleasure associated with the behavior subsides, yet the memory of the desired effect and the need to re-create it (the wanting) persists. The normal machinery of motivation no longer functions rationally. “You were literally out of your mind,” she said.”
― Laura McKowen

“...all the things we do, every maladaptive behavior or pattern we have, is the result of a coping mechanism we learned in order to keep us alive or help us survive...I wasn't deceiving people because I was a piece of shit; I was doing what I had learned to do as a child to survive. And I was doing what worked. It just wasn't - let's say - a superhealthy or productive way to operate as an adult.”
― Laura McKowen

“Intimacy is having a kind, compassionate witness to your truest thoughts and feelings.”
― Laura McKowen

“You are always with me. You are never alone. And everything I have is yours. You are granted all the love in the universe simply because you exist, not because you are good. Love was never yours to lose — you cannot lose it. It will never let you go.”
― Laura McKowen

“I came to realize that this is what it really means to be alive — to not look away from any of it — and that all I was really doing before was pretending: floating through my days half-numb, half-involved, half-awake, thinking I was really living when in fact I was missing it all.”
― Laura McKowen

“Snuggling up to my daughter at night, closing another day with a clear conscience, fills me with a gratitude too thick for words.”
― Laura McKowen

“If something is keeping you from being fully present and showing up in your life the way you want, then deciding to change that thing is an actual matter of life and death, you know? It’s the difference between existing and actually living.”
― Laura McKowen