The keys are in your hand.

The keys are in your hand. You must say too much in writing but it doesn't have to be here or to to me. Get the sludge out on the page. I have filled pages with I have no idea what I'm doing, or I want to cut off my head, or curses. But that's how you get through. Nobody gets hurt and nobody dies. Just write. And be kind to yourself. It IS TERRIFYING. 

 This is why you give yourself an achievable goal or formula that works FOR YOU. For example I will start with a word at 7am or whatever time and each day you add another word. Habit is the MUSE. The only reliable muse that cuts thru the storms of mood and life changing weather and circumstances. BE KIND. 

Family has no idea. They never will. Only other writers/painters/dancers/ sculptors might know. I have very few close friends. I have very few people who understand my life's PULL And each time my writing or painting reaches someone it is glorious bonus. But the first order of business is reaching my own soul. By habit. My own monastery. Does this make sense. (I am an extreme introvert). I am not swayed by popular culture or trends. People exhaust me but I also LOVE THEM. 

You are weaving the rope ladder as you descend upon it. TRUST ME  10,000 invisible hands are outstretched ready to support you and catch you. You may weep but you will be moving through it. Please trust me. 

Yesterday I taught a blind neighbor how to make hard boiled eggs and millet in the instant pot! N lives 7 houses away from me and is delightful and brave and 12 years younger than me. She was raised by her French Canadian father. Her mother ran away and married 3 more times. BIG HUGS. Perhaps she is the sister I wished I had. Or I am the sister she wished she had. I adore her and her father who just turned 76 and lives in the other apartment in the 2 family house. N will be 50 April 16. Her son is 30.