When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Maya Angelou

Where can I apply this in my life?
Hopefully, you already do, to some extent. How carefully do you scrutinize someone when you first meet them? How long are they on ‘secret probation’ in your mind, before you decide if they are who you hope or think that they actually are?

For some, the time is likely too short, and for others it is too long. In addition to the time factor, there is the observation factor. How carefully are you paying attention? Have you checked any of their references? This might be overkill for a casual friend, but if they want money, you might want to be careful, right?

As usual, it is a question of balance. Press too hard and you start to get paranoid. Too little, and the people with bad intentions will take advantage of you. However, the people with good intentions might take the opportunity, and use it to impress you.

What is too much, and what is too little? That’s a personal call. It will depend on your nature, and how often you have trusted and been burned. We will all have our own lines, and they will change over time, and even from person to person.

Some people are just more likable than others. And some use it to their advantage. My advice is to keep a close eye on new friends. If they’re doing the right things, relax a little. But if they start acting in odd or contrary to expectations, that’s when this quote kicks in.

If you get the feeling that you are being used or taken advantage of, it might just be time to pull back a bit, and limit your exposure. Be courteous and try to find out what is going on, but view any explanations with a bit of skepticism.

Take a moment and consider what has happened to you in the past. Of the times you have been burned, how many of them were preceded by clues you should have seen? Think about it, and try to determine how to apply those lessons to your present life.

While we usually take some time to review what went wrong when it happens, how often do you look back across multiple events? Are there any patterns, any things you find you have done over and over? If you found any patterns, what can you do to protect yourself (or others) from making the same mistake again?

Life is about learning, and this is one of the lessons. We all have different levels of tolerance for unwanted or unwelcome behavior, as well as different definitions of these terms. But we all draw the line somewhere. By being attentive and observant, we can more quickly reward those we believe in, and turn loose those we don’t.