Natalie Lue The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want

Are you a People Pleaser? I copied the quiz questions from the web site about the book and thought they were interesting. I think a lot of this is cultural female training and as we work at it we get better at doing the right thing for ourselves which does help others. How much does religious training play a role here?

Even though I might disguise, suppress, and repress it, I feel resentful, obliged, overwhelmed, guilty, anxious, overloaded, drained, exhausted, low, helpless, powerless, or victimized.

I put other people’s needs and wants ahead of my own and feel as if I come last.

I worry about not being liked, getting into trouble, hurting feelings, looking like a “bad” or “selfish” person, or being rejected, abandoned, or alienated if I say no, express needs, have limits, or am honest.

I say yes without considering the meaning and consequences and then feel trapped, overwhelmed, anxious, or resentful, or piss people off due to backing out or not having the bandwidth or skill set.

I struggle to ask for help and fear being a burden and inconveniencing or discomforting others, resulting in dismissing my own needs, expectations, desires, feelings, and opinions as my being oversensitive/needy/difficult/selfish/demanding.

I say yes based on feeling guilty, afraid, obliged, or anxious.

I’ve had stress-related illness or burnout or felt tipped over the edge into a temper that left me feeling ashamed.

I’m the go-to person, whether it’s with work, family, friends, or exes that pop back into my life when they’re at a loose end.

I fear that I’m not good enough, and I blame it for other people’s feelings and behavior or life not going my way.

My interpersonal relationships tend to involve my trying to rescue, fix, or change others or being their pet project.

I’ve missed out on things I genuinely want to do because I’ve said yes to something I shouldn’t have.

I’ve been involved with an emotionally unavailable or abusive person, and I continued dating/hooking up with/getting back together with them or stayed in the relationship despite its being unfulfilling or unhealthy.

I worry that my success, happiness, or personal growth will outshine others or cause them to feel unhappy, left out, or abandoned.

When people don’t acknowledge, appreciate, and reward my efforts, I feel wounded, resentful, neglected, abandoned, depressed, used, or abused.

I’m self-critical, fear failure and making mistakes, overperform and overcompensate, or hide out and coast.

I struggle to say no at work because I’m afraid of looking lazy or incompetent, seeming as though I’m not a good team player or promotion material, or risking burning bridges or inviting retaliation.

I use hints to try to get others to meet my needs and wants or to understand my feelings rather than communicate these directly.

Sometimes I’m fuming or panicking in my head when people ask or expect me to do something, yet I still say yes.

I give too much.

I say yes, go along with things, or stay silent even when it’s to the detriment of my well-being because I’m afraid to say no or don’t know how to say no.

The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want

by Natalie Lue and Harper Horizon