The Dysfunctional Family makes up roles for each of its members. The persona of the scapegoat is completely fabricated. It does not represent the true personality of the scapegoated victim. The dysfunctional family creates a false story around who the scapegoat is. The scapegoat is painted as “wrong,” “difficult,” “mentally ill” and “bad,” when in fact, they are none of those things!

 The only way that a narcissist can regulate their emotions is to maintain a steady flow of fuel. However, this can be an impossible task. There are times when supply chains run low and uncomfortable feelings arise. The narcissist does not know what to do with these uncomfortable feelings. To make themselves feel better, they dump or project them onto someone else. Cue the scapegoat.

The scapegoat becomes the family’s emotional dumping ground. They are the trash can for all the unwanted feelings, secrets, issues and dysfunctions. The family does not know how to FEEL and process their emotions in healthy ways.  

To maintain an image of superiority, the narcissist must always be seen as perfect. Anything that does not support the narcissist’s perspective becomes a hot potato. It is quickly given to the scapegoat. The scapegoat is blamed, shamed, ignored, punished and neglected. 

Sadly, the scapegoat’s siblings often side with the narcissistic parent. They also benefit from the dysfunctional system. The siblings quickly realize that being in the firing line is a crappy place to be. To avoid being treated like the scapegoat, they become bullies themselves. This further enables the narcissistic parent. They do the dirty work for the narcissist by proxy.

The dysfunctional family takes no responsibility for their unwanted emotions and abusive behaviors. They dump it all onto the scapegoat. By treating the scapegoat like shit, they feel superior, which takes away any bad feelings they my have. This deeply entrenched family pattern is not a once-off occurrence. It has been passed down through the family’s lineage across generations.

Generations of trauma and dysfunction lie below the surface and no-one dares to go near it. It’s a festering wound that’s swept under the carpet and when that doesn’t work, it’s sidelined onto the scapegoat.

The scapegoat is essentially the holder and bearer of the family’s shame. Shame is the belief that I am bad. From a vibrational perspective, shame is right at the bottom along with grief and guilt. These deeply painful emotions hold the lowest frequencies. When you get stuck in them, they hinder your ability to reach your full potential. If you are the scapegoat in your family, love yourself fiercely. Do the work you need to do to move into joy, love and peace.

The unspoken rule in any toxic relationship is that nothing and no-one changes. Dysfunctional families maintain the status quo at all costs. They have zero intention of changing, healing or evolving. The dysfunction works for them. It suits them to continue the pattern. So, the pain and suffering of the scapegoat is simply collateral damage.

Katia Beeden