Letters of Complaint

Memory: My mother used to write letters of complaint and hate to everyone; us kids, our teachers, you name it. Once she wrote a letter to General Mills or somebody complaining about finding dead bugs in her dried cereal. This was back in the 60's when the rat hairs in candy bars scare was happening. She received a huge care package with a note of apology from the company. She was as ecstatic as a 4-year-old at Christmas, bragging, telling everyone of her delight. She quickly began another letter. Dear. . . I just received a package of. . .

I was reading about Joe Orton and found this and it all came back to me.

EDNA'S LETTER TO SMEDLEYS


Flat 4,
25, Noel Road,
London, N.1

30th April 1965.

Dear Sir,

I recently purchased a tin of Morton's blackcurrant pie filling. It was delicious. Choc-full of rich fruit. Then, wishing to try another variety, I came upon Smedley's raspberry pie filling. And I tried that. And really! How can you call such stuff pie filling? There wasn't a raspberry in it. I was very disappointed after trying Morton's blackcurrant.

Please try to do better in future. And what on earth is `EDIBLE STARCH' and 'LOCUST BEAN GUM'? If that is what you put into your pie fillings I'm not surprised at the result.

I shan't try any more of your pie fillings until the fruit content is considerably higher. My stomach really turned at what I saw when I opened the tin.

Yours sincerely,

Edna Weithorpe (Mrs)


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