Mat Hudson Swimmer

Years ago, when I was in that darkest season of depression, when my spiritual life was neglected too much to gain much strength from it, I think the only thing that kept me from sinking into complete apathy was my triathlon training routine. Somedays, it was the only thing that could get me out of bed and on my feet. When the darkness hit often the only way I could feel some life was to go out and get into the rhythm of my stroke, or cadence, or stride where I could finally feel blood, oxygen and electricity pump through my system again.

Now I have built up a pattern of health, and have a lot more experience, more tools, and a broader perspective to help me when I feel the threat of depression looming nearby. I recognize the threat earlier then scan my condition more quickly and take some steps to add or remove something critical from my day to prevent most falls. But sometimes I do take on too much and fall into it. It was like that a few weeks ago.

It was the fourth day. A great part of me, the depressed part, was not in the mood to do anything but sleep, and I was feeling the momentum pulling on me to go deeper, to start willingly wrap the heavy, warm blanket tigher around myself. I had not been able to swim for a couple days before but I was headed downtown on my scooter to do a couple tasks- I had my swim bag along like an emergency car kit. When I caught a glimpse of the sea it started was calling me. Just enough of my mind was in control and knew from experience that if I could just get into that water, just slip into the rhythm for a while I would feel some energy, perhaps enough of it to break out.

And I did.

It’s not that my enthusiasm instantly returned, but as I swam for an hour, blood started pumping, oxygen starting flowing, neural signals started firing in a focused, constructive way. It was no ‘happy pill’- it was more like I got a little jump-start on my nearly dead battery, or a slow-drip IV with just enough electrolytes injected into my anemic blood. I came out of the water with a mind recovered enough to think clearly about what to do next.

With that boost I had gained a window of time with a choice to make: take it and get busy refreshing my health and rebuilding my focus, or waste it by wrapping myself back up in the ‘heavy, warm blanket’ of depression hoping something will change without putting out any of my own effort. I was given a chance to build momentum in either direction at that moment. I received the energy from that swim as a gift, and used it to take a few steps forward, out of my gloom. This is what I mean by taking responsibility.

One popular author might advise you to Eat, Love, Pray. My advice is to Sleep, Pray, Swim.

You are not alone. Go swim. It will do you good.

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