Mayo Clinic Minute: Should you wait 30 minutes to swim after eating?

• Ian Roth

  June 22, 2018

It's advice parents have been giving their children for generations.

"When I was growing up, I remember my mother telling me, you know, not to go in the pool until it was 30 to 60 minutes after I had my last meal," says Dr. Michael Boniface, a Mayo Clinic emergency medicine physician.

He says the motherly advice had serious origins but may not be as helpful as once thought.

Dr. Boniface says he remembers the anticipation all kids experience waiting for those 30 to 60 minutes to pass before he could jump back in the water.

"The old feeling was that, after you eat, some of the blood may be diverted to your gut so that you can digest, diverting the bloodstream away from your arms and legs," he says. "And you may get tired or fatigued, and be more likely to drown."

But is this recommendation to wait based on fact or fiction?

"We know now that really there is no scientific basis for that recommendation," Dr. Boniface says. "You may end up with some stomach cramping or a muscle cramp, but this is not a dangerous activity to routinely enjoy."

So, while it may not be the most comfortable thing to go for a swim with a full belly, the world won't end if you ignore your mom's advice – just this once – and don't wait 30 to 60 minutes after you eat to get back in the water.

Be Brave

 https://avi-writer.com/blog/2026/07/2026_summer_blog_series_sara_pennypacker/

Be Brave

I have been writ­ing a long time, so I have been asked this a lot. Before this year, I always answered, ‘To be a good writer, be hon­est and be kind.’ But this year, I’m adding some­thing new. This year, my best advice is: Be hon­est and be kind, but above all, be brave.

Before I tell you why I’m adding Be Brave, some thoughts on being Kind and Hon­est as a writer. Books are some­times referred to as win­dows and mir­rors. This means good books reflect read­ers and their expe­ri­ences back to them, while also show­ing oth­er ways to be, oth­er paths to take. Hon­esty is like the clar­i­ty in the glass. Even if our sto­ries are fan­ta­sy, let’s try to tell the truth about being human. The kind­ness is about the light we shine on our sub­jects. If we’re going to be hon­est, we’re going to show that humans have flaws. My advice is to be kind when our char­ac­ters are less than per­fect, and remem­ber that all peo­ple fail some­times and that fail­ures make good sto­ries. Let’s remem­ber that mis­deeds don’t mat­ter as much as own­ing up to them, mak­ing amends and changing.

So why am I now encour­ag­ing you (and myself) to be braver?

First, I have been think­ing a lot about brav­ery recent­ly. One of the things I respect most about young peo­ple is their moral clar­i­ty. Kids real­ly want to do some­thing about injus­tice, but they cor­rect­ly under­stand that stand­ing up to injus­tice some­times takes courage. I think sto­ries should help. They should mod­el real courage, not the Mar­vel heroes kind, with mus­cles and weapons and con­fi­dence (although that can be fun some­times!) but the every­day kind, the kind that is qui­et, and coop­er­a­tive, and some­times scary, and always root­ed in empathy.

Wait, no, you say. My sto­ries are about rock­et ships and space aliens and cham­pi­onship soc­cer games.  They’re about mov­ing into a new school, or find­ing a friend. They don’t take courage to write.

Yes, I know. Your sto­ries will be about those things and thou­sands of oth­er things. But all of them will also be about hav­ing hope, and los­ing it. About believ­ing in some­thing against the odds. About doing the wrong thing before you fig­ure out the right thing. About mess­ing up, and com­ing through. About feel­ing proud and feel­ing ashamed and feel­ing con­fused. My favorite notes from read­ers say, “Until I read your book, I thought I was the only one who (fill-in-the blank.)” That note tells me I have been hon­est and kind about some­thing hard. And that’s the essen­tial work of sto­ries: to explore all the tragedy and com­e­dy and mess of being human. It takes real brav­ery to do that.

The sec­ond rea­son I advise brav­ery is more dire. If you haven’t yet run into some kind of AI-cre­at­ed writ­ing already, you absolute­ly will soon. I am real­ly, real­ly wor­ried about entrust­ing a non-human enti­ty to write a sto­ry about what it means to be human. AI will be able to spew end­less plots and char­ac­ters, but it will get humans wrong pre­cise­ly because it is not human. Its sto­ries will be like bland, blender­ized por­ridge: easy to eat and you’ll know what every swal­low tastes like before you eat it. But you’ll nev­er run into that flam­ing-hot pep­per seed, that per­fect rasp­ber­ry, that sur­pris­ing crys­tal of salt.

I have a hunch, or at least a hope, that the more AI-cre­at­ed con­tent we’re sub­ject­ed to, the more we’re going to val­ue what’s miss­ing: the unpre­dictabil­i­ty and the mess we authors are tempt­ed to hide. I think that means that going for­ward, sto­ry-tellers should take more risks in order to dif­fer­en­ti­ate our­selves from machines. It means when that you write some­thing in a first draft and then you start to rethink it because you’re afraid it might be too weird, or too dif­fer­ent, and some­one might ridicule it, or might think less of you, well, look again before you cut it.  Ask if it might be you being rad­i­cal­ly hon­est or rad­i­cal­ly kind. This will take courage.

Be brave.

Sara Pen­ny­pack­er’s books have won numer­ous awards, includ­ing a Gold­en Kite Award and a Christopher’s Medal, many children’s choice state awards, and have appeared on many ‘Best Books’ lists. She was a painter before becom­ing a writer, and has two absolute­ly fab­u­lous chil­dren who are now grown. She grew up in Mass­a­chu­setts and splits her time between Cape Cod and California.

Mark Zaslav Ph.D. Committing Narcissism by Proxy Parents who put children on display—are they narcissists?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shame-guilt-and-their-defenses/201812/committing-narcissism-proxy

Committing Narcissism by Proxy

Parents who put children on display—are they narcissists?

Visit any family-oriented restaurant in an upscale neighborhood, and you will probably observe children obviously accustomed to being put on display by smiling, openly doting parents. These children speak loudly and have the attitude of royalty. The parents treat each youthful utterance or action as a profound offering from on high. No effort is made by the parent to restore a sense of modest restraint. As a clinical psychologist interested in the negative effects of narcissistic parenting, this parental exhibitionism seizes my attention. I wonder, “Are these parents narcissists?” and “What will be the outcome for the children?”

The first question seems easier to answer. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (American Psychiatric Association, 2013), up to 6.2% of the general population may meet the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Even allowing that many people exhibit various narcissistic traits without meeting full diagnostic criteria, the sheer ubiquity of this style of modern parenting seems at odds with the notion that these (overly) proud parents share a psychological disorder. In short, this phenomenon is far too common for all of these parents to be narcissists, but they certainly appear to treat their children as if narcissistic personae by proxy.

True narcissists are especially sensitive and vulnerable to experiences capable of eliciting a sense of shameful deflation or inadequacy. In some respects, the entire personality structure develops as a means to keep shame at arm’s length. The narcissist spends considerable time in grandiose fantasy states in which he or she imagines being admired, alternating with fleeting, rapid transitions to bitter, angry states in response to perceived unjust criticism or lack of acknowledgment. The narcissistic personality is thus hostage to the need for self-enhancement at the expense of the ability to care for or pay attention to others. In the case of truly narcissistic parents, self-absorption and lack of empathy deprive the child of needed attention and affection. Periodically (e.g., at graduations, family gatherings or public events), the child might briefly be put on display as an object for parental self-enhancement, but the narcissistic parent is unable to tolerate sustained diversion of attention to the child. For the narcissist, attention is a crucial commodity in a zero-sum game.

Of course, contrary to being neglected, the children that I observe are suffused with parental attention. If these (generally married, often from upper socioeconomic classes) parents are not clinically narcissists, this modern style of permissive, exhibitionistic parenting can only be evidence of an emerging social phenomenon. At the larger cultural level, society is developing a new relationship with emotions in general and shame in particular. From the introduction of vague but dramatic figures of speech (“I’m like;” “that’s crazy”) to the currency of boastful but empty on-line posts, social media has hijacked our very ability to carefully analyze our experiences or communicate clearly about them. It is hard to overstate the degree to which continual on-line connection to sources of instant self-referential feedback, with the means to inspire envious attention from others, has warped the collective psyche. Emphasizing the underlining of subjective feeling states and downgrading objective analysis, social media is defining new norms about how we understand or announce our existence. More and more, it seems to be our immediate feelings that define us.

Against this backdrop of conspicuous sentimentality, unconditional love for the child has come to overwhelm any critical awareness of a child’s true impact on other people. It feels “shaming” to notice or focus on a child’s very normal but off-putting traits, such as aggression, hostility, selfishness or entitlement. As traditional moral prohibitions are tossed aside in our enlightened ethos, our very culture has grown defiant of shame. Behaviors or attitudes formerly meeting with disapproval are now seen emerging from the oppressive shadow of arbitrary shunning into the sunlight of understanding. In addition to progress and tolerance, this movement can lead to chaos and confusion. The only remaining “authentic” guiding truth is commitment to heartfelt enthusiasms proudly proclaimed.

In this culture of online announcements and exhibitionistic displays of virtue, children become convenient, socially sanctioned receptacles for the projection of split-off, idealized aspects of the parental self. It is as if shame is an emotion from which children (and by extension, their parents) must be protected. From this viewpoint, children embody authenticity unsullied by regressive societal forces. Even parents who would be loath to boast about themselves now risk becoming cheerleaders for their “perfect” children, unconsciously promoting a child’s display of cringeworthy hubris and entitlement. We seem to have lost the idea that responsible parenting requires reining in these qualities.

There is thus a growing moral prohibition against the necessary limit setting or authoritarian aspects of parenting, now seen as “harsh” or “mean.” The modern parent is increasingly restricted to use of only praise or indulgence for fear of alienating the child or injuring self-esteem. This despite empirical research showing that high self-esteem is actually negatively correlated with success, mature compassion for others or optimal functioning in adulthood (Bushman & Baumeister, 1998).

We may already be seeing the effects of simultaneously permissive, over-identified, parents. In the past several years, college campuses have become home to “safe spaces,” the theme of which seems to be that students need protection, not only (appropriately) from physical threat, but also from exposure even to ideas or their proponents with which they disagree. Interestingly, while these students are reporting higher levels of self-esteem than in prior decades (Twenge & Campbell, 2009), we are simultaneously seeing what has been described as “mental health crisis” among our college students, who report increasing levels of depression, stress, and alienation (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2018). It seems that current parenting practices do not prepare young people to adapt to a real-world replete with disappointment and frustration. The modern parent may unwittingly be promoting vulnerability to anxiety and depression rather than resiliency in the face of adversity.

A parent need not be a narcissist to want the best for their child, to see and encourage the best within him or her, and to defend against undue criticism. These biases are baked into human nature through evolution, biology and shared family histories. As the culture shifts, the challenge for a modern parent is to balance these natural instincts with proper limit setting, acting as an authority figure rather than a friend or approving peer. Children come into the world with what Freud termed “infantile narcissism,” a developmentally primitive understanding of the world as emanating from an expansive sense of the experiencing self as everything. Traditionally, parents helped socialize children by confronting and containing these traits. It remains to be seen what happens as our very culture begins to define children primarily as extensions of idealized parental virtue, perfect as they are, requiring no traditional forms of criticism or correction. I continue to wonder what types of parents these children will turn out to be.

References

Zaslav, M. (August, 2017) How to Recover from a Narcissistic Parent. Psychology Today.

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

Bushman, B. J., & Baumeister, R. F. (1998). Threatened egotism, narcissism, self-esteem, and direct and displaced aggression: Does self-love or self-hate lead to violence? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(1), 219-229.

Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The narcissism epidemic: Living in the age of entitlement. New York: Free Press.

Lukianoff, G. & Haidt, J. (2018). The coddling of the American mind. New York: Penguin Press.

 

It’s the birthday of artist Marc Chagall, born in Vitebsk, Russia (1887). He was one of nine kids in a family of modest means; his father worked for a salt herring factory, and his mother ran a shop. He wanted to be an artist, and he moved to St. Petersburg, where he failed his first entrance exams but eventually was accepted to art school. It was in Paris, surrounded by other artists, that he really began to develop his style. Though he was homesick and could not speak French, he later said, “My art needed Paris like a tree needs water.” Chagall is known for bright and complex colors, and his fantastical images from Russian-Jewish folklore and his childhood: ghosts, livestock, weddings, fiddlers, scenes of his village, Vitebsk, a couple floating in the sky, and fish.

You might notice intense irritability, tension, or rage when mood is shifting.

 Irritability You may feel on edge, easily frustrated, annoyed by small things, or physically restless.

Cherry-Chocolate Loaf

A delicious chocolate-cherry bread. I am very proud of my banana bread recipe, which is why I adapted it into this amazing cherry-chocolate loaf. While cherries really aren't anything like bananas, this really did work out extremely well — this is a perfect option for breakfast, brunch, or dessert.

By

John Mitzewich

Updated on June 5, 2026

prep

15 mins

Cook Time:

1 hr

Additional Time:

35 mins

Total Time:

1 hr 50 mins

Servings:

12

Yield:

1 9x4-inch loaf

Why You’ll Love This Recipe

• This twist on banana bread features fresh cherries and chocolate chunks for irresistible flavor.
• Home cooks appreciate the easy steps and say even beginners can make this fruit-filled loaf.
• “The yogurt keeps it moist without being heavy and makes the loaf very tender.” —Reviewer GlenndaB

Keep Screen Awake

Ingredients

Original recipe (1X) yields 12 servings

• 1 teaspoon unsalted butter

• 2 cups all-purpose flour

• 1 teaspoon kosher salt

• 1 teaspoon baking powder

• ½ teaspoon baking soda

• ½ cup unsalted butter, softened

• 1 cup white sugar

• 2 large eggs, at room temperature

• ¼ cup plain yogurt

• ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract

• 2 cups pitted cherries

• ½ cup dark chocolate chunks

• ½ cup chopped walnuts

Optional Icing:

• ¼ cup powdered sugar

• 3 teaspoons milk, or more as needed

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 9x4-inch loaf pan with 1 teaspoon butter and reserve.

2. Whisk flour, salt, baking powder, and baking soda together in a bowl.

3. Cream 1/2 cup butter and sugar together in another bowl with a spatula or an electric mixer until smooth and creamy. Beat in eggs one at a time with a whisk or an electric mixer, fully blending in the first egg before adding the next. Stir in yogurt and vanilla extract.

4. Chop pitted cherries coarsely with a knife, or by pulsing on and off a few times in a food processor. Add to the wet ingredients along with chocolate chunks and chopped walnuts. Stir briefly to combine. Batter may look curdled, but don't worry.

5. Pour in the flour mixture and mix with a spatula until all the flour has disappeared. Transfer batter into the prepared loaf pan, making sure to smooth the top evenly and fill in the corners. Tap pan on the counter to release any air pockets.

6. Bake in the preheated oven until nicely browned and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 1 hour. Let bread rest in the pan for 15 minutes before removing to a wire rack.

7. While bread is resting, combine powdered sugar and milk in a bowl for icing, adding more milk as needed to reach a thin, runny consistency.

8. Brush icing over loaf, allowing to drip down the sides. Let cool completely before slicing and serving, about 20 minutes more.

Chef's Notes

You can use thawed, well-drained frozen cherries instead of fresh.

You can use dark chocolate chips instead of chunks if preferred.

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/280711/cherry-chocolate-loaf/ 

Alyce Morgan's Prune Nut Bread

 

Prune Nut Bread

makes 1 9x5x3 loaf

Ingredients

• 1 cup prunes chopped
• 1 1/2 cups orange juice
• Simmer chopped prunes in orange juice for about five minutes. Let cool slightly.
• 4 tablespoons melted butter cooled or sub canola oil
• 1 egg you might want to use 2 at altitude
• Mix cooled butter/oil and egg and add to orange juice and prunes.
• Set aside.
• 21/2 cups unbleached flour
• 1 cup sugar
• 3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup chopped nuts

Instructions

• In a large bowl, mix well all dry ingredients. Add wet ingredients and stir just until well-mixed.
• Spoon into greased and floured 9x5x3 loaf pan. Bake about 50 minutes until bread is firm to the touch, is pulling away from the sides of the pan, and a toothpick inserted in the middle of the bread comes out with just a few moist crumbs.
• Let cool in pan 5 minutes. Bang pan on counter or board and turn out onto rack to cool completely before slicing. Keep well-wrapped on counter for 1-2 days or freeze for up to 2 months.

Notes

Can be made into muffins. Pour into greased muffin tins and bake at 400F 15 min. Turn out on to rack to cool. copyright Alyce Morgan, 2010. All rights reserved. https://moretimeatthetable.com/2011/05/04/happy-mothers-day-prune-quick-bread-reposted/

Stagnation in an alcoholic family stems from survival-based coping mechanisms—like denial and emotional suppression—that create emotional gridlock.

 Stagnation in an alcoholic family stems from survival-based coping mechanisms—like denial and emotional suppression—that create emotional gridlock. Because the addicted member’s needs dominate, healthy individual development and open communication stall, leaving family members isolated and repeating rigid, unhealthy roles well into adulthood. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

A primary reason for this lack of growth is the rigid, unwritten rule that rules the entire dynamic: don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel. Because the home environment is characterized by chaos, inconsistency, and unpredictability, children and adults alike adapt by compartmentalizing their emotions. These defense mechanisms, which help a child survive a stressful upbringing, become major roadblocks to personal and relational growth in adulthood. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

The phenomenon of "no growth" in these environments typically manifests in the following ways:

• Survival Roles: Children in alcoholic families frequently adopt fixed roles—such as the "Hero" (overachiever), the "Scapegoat" (troublemaker), the "Lost Child" (withdrawn), or the "Mascot" (clown). As adults, they often remain stuck in these limited identities. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
• Codependency and Enabling: Family members frequently become deeply enmeshed in enabling the alcoholic, deriving a false sense of worth by managing the addict's crises. This halts personal development by making the addict's life the center of everyone's existence. [1, 2, 3]
• Emotional Arrest: Because basic developmental needs are frequently ignored in favor of tending to the chaotic environment, individuals often find themselves operating with the emotional maturity of a threatened child when confronted with conflict or stress. [1, 2, 3]
• The Cycle of Denial: Deeply ingrained denial prevents family members from identifying and addressing their own trauma. Growth cannot happen if the root causes of the dysfunction are masked or minimized. [1, 2]

Understanding these traits is the first step toward breaking the cycle. Many adults raised in this environment benefit from therapy and support networks. Learning about the characteristics of these dynamics can be a valuable tool for initiating personal growth. [1, 2]

You Don't Outgrow the Effects of an Alcoholic Parent Alcoholism has a lasting impact on children.

 https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2016/06/you-dont-outgrow-the-effects-of-an-alcoholic-parent

Narcissistic abuse and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by Shirley Davis

 https://cptsdfoundation.org/2020/06/15/narcissistic-abuse-and-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/

Narcissistic abuse and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

by Shirley Davis | Jun 15, 2020 | Complex PTSD Healing, CPTSD and Narcissistic Abuse | 83 comments

Narcissistic parents cause enormous harm to their children. When grown, these victims of narcissistic abuse face seemingly insurmountable problems, including the formation of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).

This article shall examine narcissistic abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, and their effect on the children of narcissism.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is one of many diagnosable conditions for those who are narcissists mentioned in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual on Mental Disorders, edition five (DSM-5). The DSM-5 classifies NPD as a personality disorder and is an accurate diagnosis. Up to 6.2% of the general population have narcissistic personality disorder (Miller, Widiger, & Campbell, 2010).

People who have NPD have damaged self-esteem that is easily harmed by even small criticisms. They are continually looking to shore up their weak areas of self-opinion. To accomplish this need for self-preservation, they abuse and use other people, including, unfortunately, their own children.

The following are characteristics are usually found in someone who has narcissistic personality disorder:

• A sense of uniqueness
• Boastful behavior
• Exaggeration of their talents
• Grandiose fantasies
• A sense of superiority
• Self-centered behavior
• Self-referential behavior
• A deep need for attention and admiration

(Ronningstam & Gunderson, 1990)

People living with narcissistic personality disorder are both male and female. These men and women are entirely responsible for their actions regardless of the existence of a diagnosis.

Malignant Narcissists

A malignant narcissist is capable of destroying families, including their own. Malignant narcissism is a mix of narcissistic disorder and antisocial disorder, a rude and harmful combination.

The behavior of a malignant narcissist is dangerous because they use personal information to harm others who love and depend upon them. They know their victim’s likes, dislikes, and weaknesses to manipulate them into fulfilling their needs. There is little to no empathy or acknowledgment on the part of the malignant narcissist that what they are doing is wrong in any way (Glad, 2002).

Malignant narcissists cause others in their lives to “walk on egg-shells” to minimize the frequency of the narcissist’s impulsive, unstable, or aggressive behaviors. Malignant narcissists will lash out and humiliate their children.

Malignant narcissists will often employ several tricks, including gaslighting their families into doing what they want. Gaslighting is a form of abuse where the narcissist undermines their child’s reality by denying facts and their child’s feelings. Targets of someone who gaslights will feel manipulated and turn against their own emotions and who they are as a person (Stern, 2018).

Malignant narcissists commit abuse using verbal and non-verbal cues to force their children to feel inferior, cheap, and used.

Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is defined as abuse, where the parent or parents use emotional abandonment, withholding affection, manipulation, and uncaring against their children to promote themselves. Narcissistic abuse might include silent treatment or include a parent raging, attacking, and lying. It may also involve blaming to shame and build guilt into their offspring to force them to fulfill their own needs (Arabi, 2017).

Victims of narcissistic abuse syndrome have many of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, including but not limited to, the following:

• Flashbacks and nightmares. Reliving the trauma from narcissistic abuse.
• Being on-alert 24/7 waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• Easily startled. Loud or unexpected noises make one jump.
• Feeling detached from one’s emotions or body.
• Avoidance behavior. Avoiding situations like large crowds or anything that reminds one of the abuse.
• Avoiding intimate relationships. Not being able to trust others or believing others to be dangerous hampers any form of intimacy.
• Lack of emotional regulation. Having uncontrollable emotions such as chronic sadness or anger.
• An inaccurate perception of the narcissist. Being preoccupied with the relationship between the victim and the narcissist or continuously thinking of revenge.
• An overwhelming sense of guilt or shame. Feeling utterly different from other people and not worthy of life.

Although other symptoms of complex post-traumatic stress disorder are caused by narcissistic abuse, the above list is enough to tell the horrific story of those who fall victim to narcissistic abuse.

Overt Versus Covert Narcissistic Abuse

Overt narcissists are easily identifiable because they are loud, incentive, and arrogant. They are oblivious and disregarding the needs of others and are always looking for a compliment from others. Overt narcissists are easily noticed as their behavior is grandiose, and they fill a room with their presence.

On the other hand, covert is much harder to identify as this type of narcissist appears shy and anxious about what others think of them. However, covert narcissists are dangerous because of how they hide their real identity as one who will abuse their children because they crave admiration and importance.

Both types of narcissists form unhealthy relationships, but covert narcissists can commit crimes against their children, including Narcissism and Munchausen’s Syndrome by Proxy.

Narcissism by Proxy

Narcissism by proxy occurs when a narcissist uses those around them to express their own feelings of inadequacy and fear. They do this by inciting their emotions in their children by using manipulative behaviors and cause mental harm to those around them (Zaslav, 2018).

Another way of stating the above is to say that narcissists, especially malignant, covert narcissists, use the faults and weaknesses of those around them to control and manipulate them. They do this to hide or relieve their own feelings of weakness.

Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome

Perhaps one of the most insidious and most dangerous of all the behavior a narcissist can exhibit is Munchausen by proxy syndrome. This crime includes the narcissist causing or making up illnesses and injuries in their children. They do this to appear as the victim and hero in other people’s eyes (Vaknin, 2015).

The narcissistic parent appears to be kind, gentle, loving, and above all, self-sacrificing at the expense of their children’s mental health. They seem dedicated to the welfare of their children while lying about their tortured offspring who are desperate to be seen and rescued.

No one knows how many professionals have been duped by this type of malignant narcissist. Still, the number of children who have died as a result must be enormous.

Narcissistic Parents and the Formation of CPTSD

It is not hard to see why children of narcissistic parents often form complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). These kids are subjected to repeated and horrific abuse at the hands of people they should be able to count on for their care.

CPTSD forms as a response to chronic traumatization that lasts for months or years. The traumatization includes physical, sexual, and for our needs in this article, emotional abuse. Unfortunately, narcissistic parents might be part of human trafficking or another ring of abuse and use their children for their financial gain.

Malignant narcissistic parents attempt to destroy the lives of their children, causing them to exhibit all the signs of someone who has CPTSD.

Ending Our Time Together

Narcissism is a treatable disorder but seldom do narcissists admit they have a problem with their behavior, let alone seek help. It is easily seen how narcissistic abuse by parents damages their children and, unless the child finds support as an adult, can ruin their lives.

In the next article, we shall explore the neuroscience behind not only the effects of narcissistic abuse on the brains of children but also what is going on in the brains of the narcissist.

“When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t.” ~ Jodi Picoult,

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit” ~ E.E. Cummings

If you or a loved one are living in the despair and isolation that comes with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please, come to us for help. The CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Mindfulness, Prayer, and Meditation Circle
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Texts

All our services are reasonably priced, and some are even free. So, to gain more insight into how complex post-traumatic stress disorder is altering your life and how you can overcome it, sign-up, we will be glad to help you.

References

Arabi, S., (2017). What it’s like to be a complex trauma survivor of narcissistic abuse. Psychcentral.com. Retrieved from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recovering-narcissist/2017/10/what-its-like-to-be-a-complex-trauma-survivor-of-narcissistic-abuse/

Glad, B. (2002). Why tyrants go too far: Malignant narcissism and absolute power. Political Psychology, 23(1), 1-2.

Miller, J. D., Widiger, T. A., & Campbell, W. K. (2010). Narcissistic personality disorder and the DSM-V. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 119(4), 640.

Ronningstam, E., & Gunderson, J. G., (1990). Identifying criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. The American Journal of Psychiatry.

Stern, R. (2018). The Gaslight Effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Harmony.

Vaknin, S., (2015). The narcissist’s seriously ill child and Munchausen by proxy syndrome. LinkedIn. Retrieved from: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/narcissists-seriously-ill-child-munchausen-proxy-syndrome-sam-vaknin/

Zaslav, M., (2018). Committing Narcissism by Proxy. Psychologytoday.com. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shame-guilt-and-their-defenses/201812/committing-narcissism-proxy

Whenever the writer writes, it's always three or four or five o'clock in the morning in his head.

 Good writing never soothes or comforts. It is no prescription, neither is it diversionary, although it can and should enchant while it explodes in the reader's face. Whenever the writer writes, it's always three or four or five o'clock in the morning in his head. Those horrid hours are the writer's days and nights when he is writing. Joy Williams

 George Bilgere

 The summer before my grandmother died I would visit her every afternoon in her stuffy apartment in Santa Cruz. We would work on jigsaw puzzles together. I was terrible at jigsaw puzzles. She was so good that she would flip the puzzle pieces face down, so we had to work with hundreds of gray blobs that all looked pretty much the same. Nonetheless, a waterfall or a forest or a farm took form invisibly on the table, and when Grandma put the last piece in its place there was a tiny flash of victory in the room.

Each person’s task in life is to become an increasingly better person. Leo Tolstoy 

The Italian Coffee Tradition You Need to Know The Coffee You Pay For but Never Drink by Sarah at anana Jun 25, 2026

 https://cookwithanana.substack.com/p/the-italian-coffee-tradition-worth

Sink or Swim

 https://archive.dartmouthalumnimagazine.com/article/2026/07/01/sink-or-swim

PERSONAL HISTORY

Sink or Swim

My anxious classmate in the next lane told me all I needed to know about Dartmouth’s most unusual graduation requirement.

JULY | AUGUST 2026 BOER DENG ’10

I never got his name, but the fellow ’10 in the lane next to me was visibly nervous, shakily paddling in the water with the help of the assistant administering his swim test. 

A swim of 50 yards is usually not a memorable event, unless the stakes are high—if you are racing for a medal, say, or if that swim stands between you and your expensive college diploma. 

The memory of my classmate’s anxiety came back to me recently when a news story in The Economist about the rather niche subject of college swim tests caught my eye. This year’s Dartmouth graduates, as the story put it, will be a class “fluent in literature, science, writing, and foreign languages—but for the first time in more than a century, not necessarily able to swim.” 

The College has phased out the requirement that graduates swim a lap to earn their diplomas, ending an unusual tradition that had its early 20th-century roots in preparing young men for military service. 

The test was a formality for most students, though certainly not for everyone. Almost every year, a small number of students who could not pass had to take swimming lessons to graduate. Getting into a swim class at the College could prove a challenge, too. Temporary closure of the Karl Michael Pool in 2014 sent those who still needed to fulfill the requirement scrambling. 

Most students take the test during their Dartmouth Outing Club first-year trips—an easy thing to get out of the way at a convenient time. 

I was one of the few who didn’t go on a first-year trip and never bothered to trot over to the pool to fulfill the requirement. 

I realized I’d neglected it about a week before graduation and had to book my swim test at the last minute. Friends teased me: Only people who couldn’t swim put it off that long! 

As it happens, I swim just fine. However, although I swam the lap without trouble, it was clear other students who showed up that day had delayed their tests because they could not. I surmised from snippets exchanged between the coach and the classmate in the next lane, as he unsteadily progressed through a crash course, that he was an international student. I wonder whether he found the day rather more memorable than I and if others through the years have shared his dread as they looked across the depths of the pool. 

The only other thing I remember from my swim test was the appalling earache that was still hanging around at Commencement. 

These days, that dip in the pool strikes me as a small window into an insidious kind of inequality. 

Other parents may be familiar with the particular—and expensive—rigmarole of teaching young children to swim: the struggle to convince a squirmy toddler to shimmy into swimwear; the packing of towels and goggles and snacks and extra changes of clothes that inevitably get wet when dropped into a puddle on the changing stall floor; the harried shuttling into the car to get to the pool, out of the pool for the showers, and then out of the swimsuit and into those already damp street clothes. 

In America, the price of swim lessons can be out of reach for those who don’t have friends or family with their own pool. The United States has 10 million private pools but only about 300,000 public ones, according to 2023 figures from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That’s probably why more than three-quarters of children from families earning less than $50,000 a year do not know how to swim or swim well, according to a 2017 USA Swimming Foundation survey. 

In China, my parents learned to swim in an estuary of the Yangtze River, a far cry from the schlep that many American parents of means go through to train their aqua-tots. For me in China a generation later, the communists let just about anyone into the public pool. When we moved to the States, there was a pool in our apartment block. I have no memory of swimming being out of reach. 

When the faculty voted in 2022 to dispense with the swim test, it cited inequity in wealth and access as the reason. The faculty noted that those who failed were “overwhelmingly students of color” and having to learn to swim to pass the test amounted to an extra graduation requirement for some students. When the class of ’26 arrived for its DOC trip later that year, the swim test was simply gone. 

The decision was controversial—at the time, alums denounced it in this magazine as a terrible idea and warned that swimming is a life skill needed to ward against the many water-related risks around campus. When the College committee deciding whether to keep the requirement formed in 2018, students polled by The Dartmouth were divided, with those in favor of the test citing similar reasons and those against noting unfairness for those with less opportunity to have learned to swim. 

In the grand scheme of things, eliminating the test was a small move to address the many problems of inequity found at any Ivy League campus. But at least future graduates won’t suffer from swimmer’s ear when collecting their diplomas.         

Boer Deng is supervising editor for enterprise reporting at CNN in Washington, D.C.

 The Coffee Ritual in Italy: How Italians Drink Espresso and Why It Matters

By Silvia Nanetti

November 08, 2024

Coffee Culture in Italy

Introduced in the 1500s, coffee has developed its own culture in Italy. Indeed, the day in Italy is defined by coffee rituals: a cappuccino with breakfast, a caffè macchiato—or two—as an afternoon pick-me-up, and an espresso after dinner.  You will likely find yourself overwhelmed the first time you enter a densely populated bar with Italians scrambling towards the counter waving their receipts in the air. Ordering coffee in Italy is like a ritual dance and if you don’t know the moves, you will be lost (with no coffee might I add)! Here are some tips on how to have a proper Italian coffee ritual. GOOD MORNING! – Buongiorno!

The Italian Breakfast

Start your day with a classic Italian breakfast: a pastry accompanied by a warm, creamy coffee: Cappuccino: Equal parts espresso, steamed milk, and foamed milk. Caffè Latte: Espresso with more steamed milk and just a touch of foam. Latte Macchiato: Steamed milk “marked” with a hint of espresso. Pro tip: Avoid ordering these drinks after 11 a.m. Italians believe milky coffee is strictly a morning indulgence, never for the afternoon, and definitely not after a meal.

Let's Get Coffee!

LET’S GET COFFEE! – Andiamo a prendere un caffè In Italy, “getting a coffee” usually means having an espresso, or simply a caffè—a small but intense shot of coffee. Italians might enjoy a caffè in the afternoon or after a meal as a quick pick-me-up. Asking for a “caffè doppio” (double espresso) is not very common in Italy, hence, if you need more coffee just stop by your favorite barista throughout the day. Italians do the same! SHAKE THINGS UP

Espresso Variations

Italy has perfected countless variations on the classic espresso. If you want to mix up your coffee routine, then you should try: Caffè Macchiato: For a softer touch, this espresso is “marked” with a splash of frothy milk. Unlike breakfast coffees, this lightly milky option is enjoyed at any time, like a regular espresso. Caffè Corretto: Literally “corrected coffee,” this espresso comes with a dash of alcohol, like grappa or sambuca. Caffè Americano: Inspired by American drip coffee, this espresso is diluted with plenty of hot water. Caffè Lungo: This “long coffee” is an espresso with a bit of hot water but still stronger than an Americano.

Savoring Coffee the Italian Way

A very important aspect about the coffee ritual in Italy is that coffee is usually enjoyed slowly in small cups, so there’s not usually a to-go option. AT THE BAR – Al banco In Italy, coffee is typically enjoyed al banco—at the bar, standing alongside friends. Each of Italy’s 20 regions has its own unique take on coffee. Though espresso is everywhere, each area brings something distinct to the table. In northern Le Marche, try caffè anisette, a subtly anise-flavored coffee; in Sicily, enjoy caffè d’un parrinu, flavored with spices like cloves, cinnamon, and cocoa.

Coffee as a Cultural Symbol

Italian coffee is much more than just a drink, it has become a cultural symbol that represents the art of Italian daily life. It is a moment of pleasure and pause, an opportunity to slow down and fully enjoy the pleasures of life. For more on Italian food culture and the rituals that make Italian daily life so special, explore our guide to Colazione Italiana, our post on Che Bello il Caffè: The History and Influence of the Moka Pot, and our article on The Italian Morning Ritual. After your morning espresso, wind down the evening with a glass of Gratsi White.

Afghan Style Eggplant

 https://www.elliekrieger.com/recipe/afghan-style-grilled-eggplant-with-tomato-sauce-yogurt-and-herbs/

Allergy Hell 365 Days and Nights a Year

 It’s rare for people to develop tolerance to allergy medication. But some people still have a stuffy nose or sneezing after taking it. This doesn’t always mean the allergy medication isn’t working. Allergies can change over time or worsen because of environmental changes, aging, or stress. 

 It’s the birthday of the Dalai Lama born in Taktser, Tibet (1935). When the 13th Dalai Lama died in 1933, monks from the city of Lhasa set out to find a child who would prove to be the reincarnation of the Buddhist leader. They eventually found him in the village of Taktser, in a three-year-old boy named Lhamo, whom they took back to Lhasa and installed as the 14th Dalai Lama. Since 1960, the Dalai Lama has lived in India and worked to bring a nonviolent resolution to the conflict in Tibet. He received the 1989 Nobel Peace Prize.

 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his rabies vaccine on this day in 1885. Pasteur had begun work on a vaccine in 1882, using a weakened form of the virus taken from the spinal cords of infected animals. The research was time-consuming because it took several weeks for the virus to reach his test animals’ brains after they were infected, but Pasteur soon realized that people didn’t need to have the vaccine on board before they were bitten, as with other diseases. The delay between the rabid animal’s bite and the outbreak of the disease meant the vaccine could be given only when needed, and it would have plenty of time to work.

 In 1885, a nine-year-old boy named Joseph Meister was bitten by a rabid dog. He was brought to Pasteur, and though Pasteur didn’t feel his vaccine was sufficiently tested yet, he knew the boy would certainly die otherwise, so he took a chance. It was a tense few weeks waiting to see if Meister would come down with the disease, but the boy recovered, and three months later was pronounced in good health. Pasteur’s fame spread quickly, and the era of preventive medicine had begun.