Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it. Anaïs Nin

Eva accidentally left her door open yesterday and her big dog Walter wandered into the yard. I figured she was home just being casual. Our dogs ignored him and he ignored our dogs. Later Eva was distraught and breathless jumping outside to tell me her house was wide open all day. 

Luckily Walter stood guard, I said. 

We were at the beach. Thank God Walter didn't bite anyone, she said, visibly anxious over all that could have happened. 

Meanwhile two houses away the contents of the drug house is being emptied and sold out on the sidewalk, I said. They got evicted finally. The local scoundrels have grabbed anything that wasn't nailed down to make a buck, even the fridge and stove!

The landlord had it coming.  According to folks who grew up here that house has been a drug house for over 50 years.

I believe it, I said. And took my opportunity to go inside and resume making potato salad. I was glad that we try to take care of each other as neighbors. 

Then I heard a scream. I ran back outside and saw a man in a blue shirt running across Eva's yard, Walter chasing him. I phoned the police.

Did you see him? Eva shouted, pale as a ghost, There was a man in my kitchen closet.

I called the cops, I said. We stood there hearing sirens in the distance. 

Where's Walter? 

He was chasing the man.

Oh my God, she said, holding her head. 

Dorothy Boggess and Velma Long have been friends for over 80 years. They exercise and eat well, but when asked about the secret to their longevity, they say it’s being social. https://wapo.st/4xLd9jQ

I love Gustave Flaubert

I am an obscure and patient pearl-fisherman who dives into the deepest waters and comes up with empty hands and a blue face. Some fatal attraction draws me down into the abysses of thought, down into those innermost recesses which never cease to fascinate the strong. I shall spend my life gazing at the ocean of art, where others voyage or fight; and from time to time I’ll entertain myself by diving for those green and yellow shells that nobody will want. So I shall keep them for myself and cover the walls of my hut with them.

GUSTAVE FLAUBERT

Information is Currency

It can be incredibly draining to deal with a competitive sibling who uses information as a power dynamic. When a sibling deliberately holds back updates about their children, it is often a defensive tactic to control the narrative, prevent comparison, or make their life seem exclusively superior.

Bypass the gatekeeper by building direct relationships. Drop the rope!

Writers don’t write from experience, though many are resistant to admit that they don’t. I want to be clear about this. If you wrote from experience, you’d get maybe one book, maybe three poems. Writers write from empathy.

NIKKI GIOVANNI

stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do

He may as well have tacked two gigantic ears on opposite sides of his house because the contents were like the inside of his chaotic brain. He'd lived there since he was a child with all of the family ghosts and traumas. Now the vines climbing over the side of the house were trying to cover his balding head.

If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot. Stephen King

Go then, there are other worlds than these. Stephen King, The Gunslinger

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.

― Stephen King

Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.
― Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption

Fiction is the truth inside the lie. Stephen King

Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn't carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots in life. Stephen King

Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win. Stephen King

Writers remember everything...especially the hurts. Strip a writer to the buff, point to the scars, and he'll tell you the story of each small one. From the big ones you get novels. A little talent is a nice thing to have if you want to be a writer, but the only real requirement is the ability to remember the story of every scar. Art consists of the persistence of memory. Stephen King, Misery

stop trying so hard to make other people happy

the the compulsion to be in control isn't a conscious, rational choice, but one based on deep-seated, unresolved emotional wounds and needs.

 As a rule, people who crave control are reacting to their past; to a childhood or adolescence in which they felt that they had little or no control. They're attempting to compensate for this uncomfortable experience by being overly-controlling in their adult lives.

The whole problem with control is that it denies the existence of the unconscious. It assumes that we're all solely rational beings, capable of using the power of our minds to guide every aspect of our existence. The idea of "mind over matter" is erroneous, seeing as how the compulsion to be in control isn't a conscious, rational choice, but one based on deep-seated, unresolved emotional wounds and needs. 

 Why It's Impossible to be "In Control"

 By  Marcia Sirota, Author, speaker, coach and MD

 The other day, one of my patients described herself as a "control freak," and an unhappy one at that. Certainly, she's not the first person I've worked with who's been frustrated in their attempts to be "in control," but it always saddens me to see someone wasting her time on something that's neither possible nor necessary. 

 As a rule, people who crave control are reacting to their past; to a childhood or adolescence in which they felt that they had little or no control. They're attempting to compensate for this uncomfortable experience by being overly-controlling in their adult lives. 

 The problem with control is that it's an unattainable goal. No matter how hard a person might try, nothing can be controlled; not the weather, politics, world financial markets, one's own body and certainly not other people. People are under an illusion when they believe in control, and they risk being deeply disillusioned if they keep on trying to achieve it. 

 I've noticed that "control freaks" come in two versions: the benign and the malignant. The former are more focused on self-control. They repress their emotions, restrict their food intake and drive themselves toward impossible standards of perfection in their career, hobbies and self-improvement.  

The latter group are invested in controlling others. They might choose such ostensibly helpful professions such as psychotherapists, doctors, police or military officers. Alternatively, they might be bullies at their school or workplace, or hyper-controlling in their intimate relationships. Their goal is to have power over the people they're associated with, either personally or professionally.  Whether benign or malignant, all these individuals eventually come up against the painful reality that it's futile to try and be in control. 

Those who want to control themselves suffer terribly as they become locked in a life-long inner conflict between the part of the psyche that seeks utter control (the super-ego, or internalized parent) and the part that wants to be free (the id, or child within).  

Those who seek to control others eventually see that no matter how much they manipulate, coerce, threaten or implore, they can never have absolute control over another person, because even if they imprison the other person's body, they can never imprison their spirit. Also, it should be pointed out that the person being controlled cannot be in control of their responses toward the controller.  

Those who are subject to bullying or coercion, even if ordinarily meek and non-confrontational, will eventually tire of being pushed around and will find a way to rebel, whether this is done consciously and directly, by protesting, or indirectly, by being passive-resistant or even passive-aggressive. 

 Even someone in an abusive relationship who knows that she'll be verbally or physically assaulted if she stands up to her partner will still find it hard to resist acting out against her controller. It's not that they want to be abused, but eventually they become so indignant toward the abuser and so unhappy with their situation that they won't be able to resist the urge to be spiteful. The angry id will out. 

 The whole problem with control is that it denies the existence of the unconscious. It assumes that we're all solely rational beings, capable of using the power of our minds to guide every aspect of our existence. The idea of "mind over matter" is erroneous, seeing as how the compulsion to be in control isn't a conscious, rational choice, but one based on deep-seated, unresolved emotional wounds and needs.  

Those who attempt to control themselves often end up with two types of reactive behaviors: what I call backlash and leakage. Both of these reactions are driven by the child within, who becomes so frustrated and disgusted by the whole exercise that she sabotages it to the best of her abilities.  

An example of backlash is when a person who's been on a strict diet begins to binge uncontrollably, regaining any weight that he's lost, plus a few extra pounds. An example of leakage is when a person who prides himself on his impeccable social graces suddenly begins to blurt inappropriately. The "inner boor" has leaked out, replacing the former, more appropriate persona.  

Within the psyche of every person, there's a constant battle between the forces of chaos (id) and the forces of control (super-ego). Those of us with a well-developed adult identity can usually manage to maintain a reasonable balance within our personality, being neither overly impulsive nor excessively repressed.  

Those who are overly-invested in self-control, however, find themselves swinging between the extremes of rigidity and explosiveness, as the inner conflict ends up being played out in their public behavior. The more the internal forces of control try to make the person buckle under, the more the forces of chaos resist and act out in fury.  For those who try to control other people, chronic unsuccessful attempts to bend others to their will can only have one result: intense frustration which will cause them to intensify their attempts at control and will likely result in increased resistance on the part of those being controlled. The controllers may or not succeed in getting others to tow the line, but they'll certainly create a lot of drama and suffering for all parties. 

 Those who attempt to control themselves will spend their lives see-sawing back and forth between extremes of perfectionism and inappropriate acting out. Their lives will be miserable, both for what they must give up in their attempts to achieve "perfection" and in the personal and social consequences of their backlash and leakage.  

Control is impossible, and the past can never be compensated for by present-day actions. It must be faced, grieved, healed and released. Those enamored with the idea of control would do better to see that instead of trying to be "in control," they can make conscious, empowered choices about their lives right now.  Making such choices will bring the best possible outcome in all endeavors and relationships, and will demonstrate not only the futility but the irrelevance of trying to be "in control." 

He had to keep moving to out pace his demons. He wanted a life of perpetual summer camp, the only joy he ever experienced as a child. It wasn't working. He was getting old and gray haired and the plan was rickety. He continued using drugs and drink at the rate of his teenage years, to try to pep up and be happy and then more to sleep. He tried distracting himself with more vacations to mountains, beaches, and foreign countries. He bought more plates of exotic and rich foods. Nothing helped and nothing stopped him from the next boat plane and wheel, until he died.

Car-dependent suburban design often creates chronic isolation and a lack of spontaneous social spaces, which researchers and online communities link to high rates of loneliness, depression, and coping mechanisms like heavy drinking.