Sunday, April 30, 2023

This Morning

This morning we woke up to a loud voice. I was sure it was a car radio broadcasting from the street. It was a man shouting. I opened the bedroom curtain. I almost expected to see him on my fire escape. I could see him across the yard in the neighbors alley. He was tall and had a huge belly and a stud earring in his left earlobe. He held his phone six inches from his face. This was a heated conversation at 6AM on a Sunday morning.

smaller than a country village

“So complete is each neighborhood, and so strong the sense of neighborhood, that many a New Yorker spends a lifetime within the confines of an area smaller than a country village. Let him walk two blocks from his corner and he is in a strange land and will feel uneasy till he gets back.”
E.B. White, Here is New York 

Her Teeth

Her teeth were so white they stood out about two feet ahead of her face which distracted me from what she was saying. She mustn't think she is beautiful to be tinkering with herself like this, I thought. She is perfectly beautiful but now all I see are those plastic choppers dentists keep on a small glass shelf to diagram problems to their patients. I imagined her large white teeth eating blueberry pie, with black coffee. Anything to tone things down.

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind. E.B. White

Appreciatively

“I am pessimistic about the human race because it is too ingenious for its own good. Our approach to nature is to beat it into submission. We would stand a better chance of survival if we accommodated ourselves to this planet and viewed it appreciatively, instead of skeptically and dictatorially.”
E.B. White

Rebecca Solnit

Writers are solitaries by vocation and necessity. I sometimes think the test is not so much talent, which is not as rare as people think, but purpose or vocation, which manifests in part as the ability to endure a lot of solitude and keep working. Before writers are writers they are readers, living in books, through books, in the lives of others that are also the heads of others, in that act that is so intimate and yet so alone.

REBECCA SOLNIT

A writer has no other material to make his people from than the people of his experience

The flimsy little protestations that mark the front gate of every novel, the solemn statements that any resemblance to real persons living or dead is entirely coincidental, are fraudulent every time. A writer has no other material to make his people from than the people of his experience.... The only thing the writer can do is to recombine parts, suppress some characteristics and emphasize others, put two or three people into one fictional character, and pray the real-life prototypes won’t sue.

WALLACE STEGNER

It's performance

I wrote stories from the time I was a little girl, but I didn't want to be a writer. I wanted to be an actress. I didn't realize then that it's the same impulse. It's make-believe. It's performance. The only difference being that a writer can do it all alone. I was struck a few years ago when a friend of ours—an actress—was having dinner here with us and a couple of other writers. It suddenly occurred to me that she was the only person in the room who couldn't plan what she was going to do. She had to wait for someone to ask her, which is a strange way to live.

JOAN DIDION

Saturday, April 29, 2023

a decent cup of tea

“She made tea in a teapot and couldn’t help sniffing at the idea of tea bags. I told her tea bags were just a convenience for people with busy lives and she said no one is so busy they can’t take time to make a decent cup of tea and if you are that busy you don’t deserve a decent cup of tea for what is it all about anyway? Are we put into this world to be busy or to chat over a nice cup of tea?”
Frank McCourt, 'Tis 

When the dark clouds flutter like bats in my head

“When the dark clouds flutter like bats in my head I wish I could open a window and release them.”
Frank McCourt, 'Tis 

people just stand around and look at it and no one sings or tells a story

“If I had the money I could buy a torch and read till dawn. In America a torch is called a flashlight. A biscuit is called a cookie, a bun is a roll. Confectionery is pastry and minced meat is ground. Men wear pants instead of trousers and they’ll even say this pant leg is shorter than the other which is silly. When I hear them saying pant leg I feel like breathing faster. The lift is an elevator and if you want a WC or a lavatory you have to say bathroom even if there isn’t a sign of a bath there. And no one dies in America, they pass away or they’re deceased and when they die the body, which is called the remains, is taken to a funeral home where people just stand around and look at it and no one sings or tells a story or takes a drink and then it’s taken away in a casket to be interred. They don’t like saying coffin and they don’t like saying buried. They never say graveyard. Cemetery sounds nicer.”
Frank McCourt, 'Tis

A book will find you when you need it most and show you what you want to know at the exact pace you’re able to absorb the words.

There’s an intimacy to a book that we can’t get from a movie or a TV show, no matter how true it is — even in 3-D, in the highest of high def. You can’t hold a movie with both hands. You can’t smell it or put your initials on it or underline your favorite parts. You can’t read the names of other people who checked it out of the library, fellow detectives on the trail of life. You can’t pass it on to your own kids.

A movie lets you watch; a book invites you in. A much-loved one might even fall open to your favorite page. A book will find you when you need it most and show you what you want to know at the exact pace you’re able to absorb the words. It has a strong spine and a sturdy binding.  Elizabeth Egan

Nick Cave "life broadens into something intricate and nuanced and interesting and strange" Red Hand Files#234

Dear Christopher and Thom,

The idea that if you stop drinking or taking drugs then you stop making interesting art is a delusional claim. It is one routinely made by those who have not really experienced the full reach of life, that is to say those who have only really experienced the addicted life. If I correctly understand some of what Marilyn Manson is saying then I can tell you that in my younger, addicted days I most likely shared a similar view. I dont know when Marilyn Manson said this, it could well be a quote from his younger days too. It certainly feels like it. What I myself did not understand at that time was that true suffering, or rather, meaningful suffering, only begins when we stop taking drugs. It is then that we are forced to live life on lifes terms, without the insulating effects of alcohol or drugs. We learn, in sobriety, our true and complex relationship to the world, and the profound nature of suffering. We also find, to our surprise, that happiness is possible as life broadens into something intricate and nuanced and interesting and strange, and potentially deeply creative. Life in sobriety becomes, as the greatly missed comic genius, Barry Humphries, once said, funny. The cossetted, flattened, self-obsessed life of the alcoholic or drug addict knows little of these things.

We often hear the grandiose presumption that the artist-addict experiences a kind of holysuffering, that their struggle is special or somehow elevated beyond the ordinary heartache of the world. This is simply not the case and indicates little understanding of the nature of suffering or addiction or, indeed, art. The artist-addict, cocooned within their addiction, always has the validating recourse of their art, whilst the ordinary person, dealing with the hardships and devastations of life, must deal with raw existence simply as it comes. I find there is considerable courage, beauty and humanity in that common struggle.

Art is the agent best equipped to bring light to the world. That is its purpose. That is its promise. That it is predicated upon a unique suffering that is somehow linked to drink and drugs is self-serving, self-piteous nonsense. Dont fall for it.

Love, Nick

Thursday, April 27, 2023

Every person has certain qualities or presences in their heart which are awkward, disturbing and negative. One of your sacred duties is to exercise kindness towards them. In a sense, you are called to be a loving parent to your delinquent qualities.

John O'Donohue: Anam Cara: Chapter Three

Downtown Thursday at 7:30 AM

The sun came out so I walked downtown with my dog Romeo. One woman talking to two ladies at the bus stop asked me if she could walk with me. I said sure. She told me she was homeless and from Burrillville and her mother committed suicide but before that her mom got her hooked on drugs. 

She had long dark glued-on eyelashes and two lone yellow front teeth. She had long pale pink glittery fingernails on a few fingers. She said she'd been sober for 2 years but someone shot heroin in her neck and her dentures fell out when they revived her and now the dentures are gone. 

She said she and her boyfriend were staying in a hotel but he had a seizure, foaming at the mouth, and the hotel thought he was on drugs so they threw them out.

As we walked she began eating crackers and tuna fish out of a tiny can and my dog Romeo was eager to eat the crumbs that were falling. I kept pulling him away so he wouldn't trip her. I pointed her to the place that might help her out. "Go straight, at the second traffic light, it's on the left." She asked to give me a hug and headed off.

Then I ran into Eddie. "You look like a rock star today," I said, admiring his sunglasses, black and white checkered dress shirt, and three ruby studs in his left earlobe.

Eddie told me his formerly feral cats wouldn't cooperate with going into the carrier to see the vet and he's at his wit's end between that and his nosy neighbors. He said, "I told my neighbor, not today, I'm in a mood."

 "Boundaries, baby!" I said. "You're allowed to have them. Good fences make good neighbors."

"You got that right," he said "God bless," and continued on to his appointment.

Monday, April 24, 2023

The enemy is ignorance

“You have to attack the source of your enemy’s strength. In America’s case, that’s not Osama or Saddam or anyone else. The enemy is ignorance. The only way to defeat it is to build relationships with those people, to draw them into the modern world with education and business. Otherwise the fight will go on forever.”
Greg Mortenson, Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace ... One School at a Time 

three cups of tea

“Haji Ali spoke. ‘If you want to thrive in Baltistan, you must respect our ways. The first time you share tea with a Balti, you are a stranger. The second time you take tea, you are an honored guest. The third time you share a cup of tea, you become family, and for our family, we are prepared to do anything, even die. Doctor Greg, you must take time to share three cups of tea. We may be uneducated but we are not stupid. We have lived and survived here for a long time.’ That day, Haji Ali taught me the most important lesson I’ve ever learned in my life. We Americans think you have to accomplish everything quickly…Haji Ali taught me to share three cups of tea, to slow down and make building relationships as important as building projects. He taught me that I had more to learn from the people I work with than I could ever hope to teach them.”
Greg Mortenson, Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace ... One School at a Time 

Saturday, April 22, 2023

Total Dedication

The real payoff is the writing itself, that a day when you have gotten your work done is a good day, that total dedication is the point.
ANNE LAMOTT

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

Punctuation

If words are the flesh, muscle, and bone of prose, punctuation is the breath. In support of the words you’ve carefully selected, punctuation is your best means of conveying to the reader how you mean your writing to be read, how you mean for it to sound. A comma sounds different than a semicolon; parentheses make a different noise than dashes.

BENJAMIN DREYER

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. ÉMILE ZOLA

Monday, April 17, 2023

Sunday, April 16, 2023

Worm Mode

I am in worm mode. Spring calls me down into the earth. When I try to speak my mouth fills with dirt.

Saturday, April 15, 2023

Josh Marshall

We can’t defend the country from these extremists if we cannot even properly identify them.

Article

6:30 AM

This morning I opened the back door to let Romeo out and I saw a skinny little guy in a dark hoodie walk by my neighbor Mark's truck and try the passenger side door. He looked over and I recognized him as the father of the two red-headed boys who used to live here.

a mind that is not free cannot possibly perceive truth

To really go into the question of what religion actually is, to find out deeply, not according to temperament or idiosyncrasy, culture or conditioning, but actually find out if there is such thing as God, as truth, one must set aside all belief, all rituals, because they are merely repetitive meaningless stimuli, as any other stimuli. One must also set aside the authoritarian hierarchical outlook. To find out, this must be totally, completely set aside; the mind must be free. Freedom is absolutely necessary because without a free mind, a mind that is not distorted, not crippled by cultural conditioning, such a mind that is not free cannot possibly perceive truth. J Krishnamurti

From Public Talk 5, Sydney, 29 November 1970

Thursday, April 13, 2023

altering your daily routine to avoid seeing or interacting with people.

If you find yourself feeling irritated, frustrated, impatient, angry, or even experiencing rage attacks in unremarkable situations...

in America there are no good mothers

“They hate me because I am the worst thing possible. I am the bad mother.

But here's a secret: in America there are no good mothers. They simply don't exist. Always, there are a thousand ways to fail at this singularly important job. There are failures of the body and failures of the heart. The woman who is unable to breastfeed is a failure. The woman who screams for the epidural is a failure. The woman who picks up her child late knows from the teacher's cutting glance that she is a failure. The woman who shares her bed with her baby has failed. The woman who steels herself and puts on noise-canceling earphones to erase the screaming of her child the next room has failed just as spectacularly. They must all hang their heads in guilt and shame because they haven't done it perfectly, and motherhood is, if anything, the assumption of perfection.”
Nayomi Munaweera, What Lies Between Us 

They ask me questions about America

They ask me questions about America, is it true that everyone has a car there? And also, does everyone really have a gun to shoot everyone else on the street?
Nayomi Munaweera, Island of a Thousand Mirrors

it is possible to drift out into the atmosphere

In Sri Lanka, when two strangers meet, they ask a series of questions that reveal family, ancestral village, and blood ties until they arrive at a common friend or relative. Then they say, "Those are our people, so you are our people." It's a small place. Everyone knows everyone.

"But in America, there are no such namings; it is possible to slip and slide here. It is possible to get lost in the nameless multitudes. There are no ropes binding one, holding one to the earth. Unbound by place or name, one is aware that it is possible to drift out into the atmosphere and beyond that, into the solitary darkness where there is no oxygen.
Nayomi Munaweera, What Lies Between Us 

Leaving is an act that cannot be undone. Nayomi Munaweera, What Lies Between Us

They say that family is the place of safety. But sometimes this is the greatest lie; family is not sanctuary, it is not safety and succor. For some of us, it is the secret wound. Sooner or later we pay for the woundings of our ancestors.
Nayomi Munaweera, What Lies Between Us 

Throw off your clothes, wade into the water, dive deep, deeper, deeper.

This is not a job. This is a calling. If you are called you won't have any choice but to answer. Throw off your clothes, wade into the water, dive deep, deeper, deeper. It will be hard, it will be cold and lonely and sometimes terrifying but if you go deep enough you will be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams by the writing itself.
Nayomi Munaweera

Wednesday, April 12, 2023

Izumi Shikibu

In this world

love has no color—

yet how deeply

my body is stained by yours.

—Izumi Shikibu ▪︎tr. by Jane Hirshfield & Mariko Aratani▪︎

the benefits of bathing are more than just skin deep.

In a German study, participants with depression reported a boost in mood after soaking in a 40C bath for 30 minutes. In fact, in this experiment, regular baths proved to be more effective in aiding depression than aerobic exercise. source

From Public Talk 1, Saanen, 10 July 1966

I wonder how you see things. With your eyes? With your mind? Obviously, we see things with our eyes, but we see with the mind much more quickly than with the eye. We see the word much more quickly than the eye can ever perceive. So we see with memory, with knowledge, and when we so see things – that is, with the mind – we are seeing what has been, not actually what is. J. Krishnamurti

Electric Park, Kansas City 1925

 Image

get out of my own way.

April always means a profound energy shift. When I was in college I'd march over to the nurse and ask for a blood test to see if I was anemic. Nope. Just spoiled by the three months of energy I was accustomed to. Still it's always a shock to find it difficult to have energy when I've had way too much for twelve weeks. Then I remind myself that I do have energy it's just feels different and I must proceed as usual. I actually have staying power and focus if I can get out of my own way.

bark a few shins or knock a few heads

Science fiction is a wonderful hammer; I intend to use it when and if necessary, to bark a few shins or knock a few heads, in order to make people leave people alone.

RAY BRADBURY

James Baldwin

I find writing gets harder as time goes on. I’m speaking of the working process, which demands a certain amount of energy and courage (though I dislike using the word), and a certain amount of recklessness.
JAMES BALDWIN

Sometimes the “block” is a good thing.

Sometimes the “block” is a good thing. Yes, we’re stalled from the process of producing words, but perhaps we are not ready to write at our best, and an inner voice (the “block”) is telling us that, and holding us back . . . and perhaps doing us a favor until we’re ready to produce what’s truly worthy of us. Too often writers write too much. They do not know the good from their inferior work, and their publishers release whatever the writer hands in if the writer has a “name.” There is no way to lose a “name” faster than to produce again and again unworthy work, and maybe it would be better for their reputations if they’d been “blocked” from doing so much bad writing.

GAY TALESE

Be open. Let everything in. Never question the source. Be disciplined. Read widely. Be willing to give a piece of yourself to each story you tell. In the end, there should be nothing left to give. Patrick Dacey

Tuesday, April 11, 2023

I can do nothing for you but work on myself...you can do nothing for me but work on yourself! Ram Dass, Be Here Now

The next message you need is always right where you are. Ram Dass

Every religion is the product of the conceptual mind attempting to describe the mystery. Ram Dass

The game is not about becoming somebody, it's about becoming nobody. Ram Dass

Practice Turning People into Trees

When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.
Ram Dass

Made my first buttermilk coleslaw of the season

Made my first buttermilk coleslaw of the season using chopped green cabbage, celery, red onion, raisins, chopped apples and carrots. I made a dressing from Hellman's mayo,  red wine vinegar, lowfat buttermilk, hot sauce, mustard, salt+sugar. Temperatures rising to mid 80's this week.

I come from a long line of headless women.

Underwear

When I was a child I was surprised when Mrs. Bell drove the carpool in her nightgown and curlers. I asked my mother why she didn't do the same thing? 

What if I got a flat tire? She said.

Why don't you just wear your bra? Because I'd get arrested.

When my husband and I moved into our apartment I looked out the window one Saturday morning. Our next door neighbor was standing in his yard in his plaid flannel pajamas. Bill, Henry's in his pajamas in the backyard. When my father in law would enter the kitchen in his bathrobe and pour himself a coffee I was surprised because I never saw my father wearing a bathrobe. 

Yesterday my neighbor Nancy asked me if I had heard about a man walking around with no shirt and just wearing white shorts. Why is that news I asked? 

He wasn't wearing a shirt, and you could see his junk, she said.

How would I hear?

When you are out walking Romeo and talking to people.

This morning I am at the kitchen table wearing lounge pants and a zipper sweatshirt and I am waiting for the police to arrest me.

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home. Twyla Tharp

“Creativity is an act of defiance.”
Twyla Tharp

“I read for growth, firmly believing that what you are today and what you will be in five years depends on two things: the people you meet and the books you read.”
Twyla Tharp 

“Reading, conversation, environment, culture, heroes, mentors, nature – all are lottery tickets for creativity. Scratch away at them and you’ll find out how big a prize you’ve won.”
Twyla Tharp,The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life

Tuesday

 The moods has shifted inward. Greet your friend with open arms. Everything is different. This is travel.

Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.' Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

Always go too far, because that’s where you’ll find the truth. Albert Camus

Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead. Kurt Vonnegut

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different. Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow

  “If you want to really hurt you parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”
Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind."

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Kurt Vonnegut

 

We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.

  Kurt Vonnegut, If This Isn't Nice, What Is?: Advice for the Young

And on the subject of burning books: I want to congratulate librarians, not famous for their physical strength or their powerful political connections or their great wealth, who, all over this country, have staunchly resisted anti-democratic bullies who have tried to remove certain books from their shelves, and have refused to reveal to thought police the names of persons who have checked out those titles. So the America I loved still exists, if not in the White House or the Supreme Court or the Senate or the House of Representatives or the media. The America I love still exists at the front desks of our public libraries. Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

It took us that long to realize that a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved. Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan

The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. William Faulkner

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely. William Faulkner

Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed. Friedrich Nietzsche

To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work. Mary Oliver

The wind howls, but the mountain remains still. Japanese proverb

He who is untrue to his own cause cannot command the respect of others. Albert Einstein

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. Bertrand Russell

The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve. The secret of life is to dare. The spice of life is to befriend. The beauty of life is to give. William Arthur Ward

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work. Gustave Flaubert

Maybe you are searching among the branches, for what only appears in the roots. Rumi

Monday, April 10, 2023

in a couple of seasons, if all goes well, my yard will be full of pollinators, birds and other visitors in need of an urban oasis

I’m no genius with genuses, but your garden is killing the Earth


Flowers on a dogwood bloom in Bethesda. (Bonnie Jo Mount/The Washington Post)

I did almost everything wrong.

For 20 years, I found the latest, greatest horticultural marvels at garden centers and planted them in my yard: sunny knock-out roses, encore azaleas, merlot redbud, summer snowflake viburnum, genie magnolia, firepower nandina.

In between them flowed my lush, deep-green lawn. I hauled sod directly from the farm and rolled it out in neat rows. I core-aerated, I conditioned, I thatched, I overseeded, I fertilized. I weeded by hand, protecting each prized blade of tall fescue from crabgrass and clover.

In this season, a symphony of color performs in my yard. The fading daffodils, cherry blossoms, saucer magnolias, hyacinths and camellias meet the arriving tulips, lilacs, creeping phlox and azaleas, with the promise of rhododendrons, peonies, hydrangeas, day lilies and roses to debut in the coming weeks.

But this year, the bloom is off the rose. And the hydrangea. And the rhododendron. And all the rest. It turns out I’ve been filling my yard with a mix of ecological junk food and horticultural terrorists.

When it comes to the world’s biodiversity crisis — as many as 1 million plant and animal species face near-term extinction because of habitat loss ― I am part of the problem. I’m sorry to say that if you have a typical urban or suburban landscape, your lawn and garden are also dooming the Earth.

I came to understand the magnitude of my offenses after enlisting in nature boot camp this spring. I’m in “basic training” with the state-sponsored Virginia Master Naturalist program. While others sleep in on rainy weekend mornings, my unit, the Arlington Regional Master Naturalists, has us plebes out in the wetlands distinguishing a yellow-bellied sap sucker from a pileated woodpecker.

Dana Milbank: I bought a gun — and I intend to use it

I’m no genius with genuses, but I know a quercus from a kalmia, and because of my gardening experience, I began the program with confidence. Instead, I’ve discovered that all the backbreaking work I’ve done in my yard over the years has produced virtually nothing of ecological value — and some things that do actual harm.

A few of the shrubs I planted were invasive and known to escape into the wild. They crowd out native plants and threaten the entire ecosystem. Our local insects, which evolved to eat native plants, starve because they can’t eat the invasive plants or don’t recognize the invaders as food. This in turn threatens our birds, amphibians, reptiles, rodents and others all the way up the food chain. Incredibly, nurseries still sell these nasties — without so much as a warning label.

Most of my other plants, including my beloved lawn, are ecological junk food. The trees, shrubs and perennials are mostly “naturalized” plants from Asia or Europe or “cultivars,” human-made varieties of native plants bred to be extra showy or disease resistant but lacking genetic diversity or value to animals. I, like other gardeners I know, planted them after mistaking them for their native cousins. They’re not doing harm, but neither are they doing anything to arrest the spiral toward mass extinction.

To get a sense of my missteps, I asked Matt Bright, who runs the nonprofit Earth Sangha, a native-plant nursery in Fairfax County (and a lecturer on botany for my nature boot camp) to walk through my yard with me.

He took aim at my day lilies: “I would remove them all. Those have also become badly invasive.”

He spied my creeping jenny on a slope: “Another nasty invasive.”

He condemned to death my rose of Sharon shrubs (natural areas “have really been torn up by these guys”) and my innocuously named summer snowflake viburnum.

Worst was my row of nandinas — “heavenly bamboo” — along the foundation. “You definitely want to remove it,” he advised. Its cyanide-laced berries poison birds.

Bright did praise two “good” species I have that contribute to biodiversity: a sycamore and a catalpa as well as a “great” American elm and a “phenomenal” dogwood. (I couldn’t take much pride in them, though, because all four were here long before I arrived.) And Bright assured me I wasn’t a particularly egregious offender; my one-sixth acre lot in town is typical of the urban/suburban landscape.

This column will give you some tools to help mitigate the damage we’re causing to the planet.

But that’s just the problem. “Forty percent of the world’s plants are at risk of extinction, and we know that’s being driven by climate change and habitat loss,” said Jennifer Bernstein, chief executive of the New York Botanical Garden. The United Nations estimates that 1 in 8 species on the planet are threatened with extinction, many within decades. Lose our plants and we lose our animals — including people.

Here in the United States, urban sprawl is worsening both of the interrelated crises of climate change and habitat loss. Turf now covers some 50 million acres (the country’s largest and least useful irrigated crop), concentrated in suburban areas. These lawns suck up water and they don’t sequester as much carbon as forests and prairies.

Lawns, and those useless, ubiquitous cultivars of trees, shrubs and perennials sold by the major garden centers, are squelching the genetic variety nature needs to adapt to climate change. The resulting loss of native plants in our fragmented urban and suburban landscapes deprives both plants and wildlife of the contiguous habitats they need to breed and, over time, to migrate in response to climate change.

The deck is stacked against nature in this fight.

Demand for native plants outstrips supply. A native plant sale last month at the National Arboretum, for example, was scheduled to run for six hours, but the place had been cleaned out after just three.

Most people buy their lawn plants from Home Depot, Lowe’s, Walmart, Costco and the like, which either don’t offer native plants or offer those useless, engineered cultivars masquerading as natives. I had thought the magnolias, azaleas, hydrangeas and viburnums I bought were natives (there are native varieties of all these) but they turned out to be either the engineered types or even Asian varieties.

In some places, growing natives can get you in trouble with your neighbors — or the law. Arlington County still has an ordinance on the books requiring people to keep plants on their “grass or lawn area” no higher than 12 inches — essentially making native gardens illegal. Caroline Haynes, chair of the county’s Natural Resources Joint Advisory Group, told me several scofflaws have been fined for growing native plants. Some homeowners’ associations have similar rules.

But there is some good news. Despite the daunting obstacles, it doesn’t have to be that hard to do the Earth some good. In fact, it’s as simple as this: If you want to save the planet, all you really need to do is plant a single oak tree.

“You can plant one tree. You don’t have to get rid of anything else,” said entomologist and author Doug Tallamy, godfather of the native-plant movement. “Plant a tree, put a bed under that tree, and all of a sudden you’ve got less lawn. If you make it a good tree, you’ve got a powerful addition to your yard. And if that’s the only thing you do in a year, you’ve still made an important contribution.”

A seedling of a white oak or a northern red oak (the two most ecologically valuable species) will cost you $20 at Earth Sangha, or $15 if you buy a $35-a-yearmembership. Other native-plant growers in the D.C. area can be found here, here and here. You can even buy white oaks on Amazon, if you must.

You’ll need to protect the tree from deer if they’re in your neighborhood and you don’t have a fenced yard. Don’t have a yard? You can plant a native viburnum, goldenrods, asters, sunflowers and pussy willows in containers on a balcony or patio.

If possible, you should remove the nastiest of the invasive plants if you have them: burning bush, Japanese barberry, Asian bush honeysuckle, English ivy, callery (Bradford) pear and a few others.

But leave the rest of your plants alone, for now. Tallamy ultimately wants to cut lawn acreage in half, but “there is room for compromise,” he said. Think of your noninvasive plants and cultivars as “decorations.”

Janet Davis, who runs Hill House Farm & Nursery in Castleton, Va., has a similar message for the purists who make you feel bad about your blue hydrangea. “Don’t give me crap about something that’s not native but not invasive,” she said. “I’m never going to tell you you can’t have your grandmother’s peony.”

Thus absolved, I shed my guilt about my yard full of ecological empty calories. I kept my hydrangeas, azaleas and roses but pulled out the truly bad stuff. I dug up the nandinas and replaced them with native winterberry holly, red chokeberry and maple-leaf viburnum. I removed the rose of Sharon and substituted American hazelnut and witch hazel. I uprooted the invasive viburnum and planted a native arrowwood viburnum in its place.

I also took a small step in the painful task of killing my beloved lawn. I used landscape fabric to smother about 400 square feet of turf. In its place, I planted a smattering of canopy trees (two white and two northern red oaks), understory trees (ironwood, eastern redbud), shrubs (wild hydrangea, black haw viburnum) and various perennials and grasses (Virginia wild rye, blue-stemmed goldenrod, American alumroot, woodrush, spreading sedge).

My 38 plants cost $439 at Earth Sangha. But these natives, adapted to our soil and conditions, don’t require fertilizer, soil amendments or, eventually, much watering. Over time, I’ll save money on mulch and mowing.

Right now, my seedlings look pretty sad. Where once there were healthy lawn and vibrant shrubs, there is now mud and scrawny sprigs poking from the ground every few feet. I put up chicken wire to keep the kids (and me) from trampling them. The carcasses of my invasive plants lie in a heap on the gravel.

But in a couple of seasons, if all goes well, my yard will be full of pollinators, birds and other visitors in need of an urban oasis. Years from now, those tender oak seedlings, now 6-inch twigs, will stretch as high as 100 feet, feeding and sheltering generations of wild animals struggling to survive climate change and habitat loss.

I won’t be alive to see it. Yet even now, my infant oaks give me something the most stunning cherry blossom never could: a sense of hope. source

To understand life is to understand ourselves, and that is both the beginning and the end of education. Jiddu Krishnamurti, Education and the Significance of Life

You only learn when you give your whole being to something.

“You only learn when you give your whole being to something. When you give your whole being to mathematics,you learn; but when you are in a state of contradiction, when you do not want to learn but are forced to learn, then it becomes merely a process of accumulation. To learn is like reading a novel with innumerable characters; it requires your full attention, not contradictory attention.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti, The Book of Life: Daily Meditations with Krishnamurti 

But if one observes, one will see that the body has its own intelligence; it requires a great deal of intelligence to observe the intelligence of the body. Jiddu Krishnamurti, The Flight of the Eagle

When the joy is there, the technique can be built up from nothing; you will invent your own technique

“You cannot reconcile creativeness with technical achievement. You may be perfect in playing the piano, and not be creative. You may be able to handle color, to put paint on canvas most cleverly, and not be a creative painter...having lost the song, we pursue the singer. We learn from the singer the technique of song, but there is no song; and I say the song is essential, the joy of singing is essential. When the joy is there, the technique can be built up from nothing; you will invent your own technique, you won't have to study elocution or style. When you have, you see, and the very seeing of beauty is an art.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti

when we hold on to a particular belief

 We are very defensive, and therefore aggressive, when we hold on to a particular belief, a dogmas, or when we worship our particular nationality, with the rag that is called the flag.
Jiddu Krishnamurti, What are You Doing with Your Life: Teen Books on Living Volume 1

Identification with the rag called the national flag is an emotional and sentimental factor and for that factor you are willing to kill another - and that is called, the love of your country, love of the neighbor . . .? One can see that where sentiment and emotion come in, love is not.
Jiddu Krishnamurti

When one loses the deep intimate relationship with nature, then temples, mosques and churches become important. Jiddu Krishnamurti

The soil in which the meditative mind can begin is the soil of everyday life, the strife, the pain, and the fleeting joy. It must begin there, and bring order, and from there move endlessly. But if you are concerned only with making order, then that very order will bring about its own limitation, and the mind will be its prisoner. In all this movement you must somehow begin from the other end, from the other shore, and not always be concerned with this shore or how to cross the river. You must take a plunge into the water, not knowing how to swim. And the beauty of meditation is that you never know where you are, where you are going, what the end is. J. Krishnamurti

The primary cause of disorder in ourselves is the seeking of reality promised by another. Krishnamurti

The following of authority is the denial of intelligence.

The following of authority is the denial of intelligence. [It] may help us temporarily to cover up our difficulties and problems; but to avoid a problem is only to intensify it, and in the process, self-knowledge and freedom are abandoned.
J. Krishnamurti, Education and the Significance of Life 

All ideologies are idiotic, whether religious or political, for it is conceptual thinking, the conceptual word, which has so unfortunately divided man. Jiddu Krishnamurti

If you lose touch with nature you lose touch with humanity.

If you lose touch with nature you lose touch with humanity.
If there's no relationship with nature then you become a killer;
then you kill baby seals, whales, dolphins, and man
either for gain, for "sport," for food, or for knowledge.
Then nature is frightened of you, withdrawing its beauty.
You may take long walks in the woods or camp in lovely places
but you are a killer and so lose their friendship.
You probably are not related to anything to your wife or your husband.
J. Krishnamurti

Just observe yourself, how you are listening

 “I hope that you will listen, but not with the memory of what you already know; and this is very difficult to do. You listen to something, and your mind immediately reacts with its knowledge, its conclusions, its opinions, its past memories. It listens, inquiring for a future understanding.

Just observe yourself, how you are listening, and you will see that this is what is taking place. Either you are listening with a conclusion, with knowledge, with certain memories, experiences, or you want an answer, and you are impatient. You want to know what it is all about, what life is all about, the extraordinary complexity of life. You are not actually listening at all.

You can only listen when the mind is quiet, when the mind doesn't react immediately, when there is an interval between your reaction and what is being said. Then, in that interval there is a quietness, there is a silence in which alone there is a comprehension which is not intellectual understanding.

If there is a gap between what is said and your own reaction to what is said, in that interval, whether you prolong it indefinitely, for a long period or for a few seconds - in that interval, if you observe, there comes clarity. It is the interval that is the new brain. The immediate reaction is the old brain, and the old brain functions in its own traditional, accepted, reactionary, animalistic sense.

When there is an abeyance of that, when the reaction is suspended, when there is an interval, then you will find that the new brain acts, and it is only the new brain that can understand, not the old brain”
J. Krishnamurti

seems very earnest, very serious, but he is not.

A man who says, 'I want to change, tell me how to', seems very earnest, very serious, but he is not. He wants an authority whom he hopes will bring about order in himself. But can authority ever bring about inward order? Order imposed from without must always breed disorder. ― J. Krishnamurti

I don’t mind what happens

“[on the secret to a happy, content life]

Do you want to know what my secret is? I don’t mind what happens.”
J. Krishnamurti

a great deal of awareness is required

“To be free of all authority, of your own and that of another, is to die to everything of yesterday, so that your mind is always fresh, always young, innocent, full of vigour and passion. It is only in that state that one learns and observes. And for this, a great deal of awareness is required, actual awareness of what is going on inside yourself, without correcting it or telling it what it should or should not be, because the moment you correct it you have established another authority, a censor.”
J. Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known 

To transform the world, we must begin with ourselves

To transform the world, we must begin with ourselves; and what is important in beginning with ourselves is the intention. The intention must be to understand ourselves and not to leave it to others to transform themselves or to bring about a modified change through revolution, either of the left or of the right. It is important to understand that this is our responsibility, yours and mine; because, however small may be the world we live in, if we can transform ourselves, bring about a radically different point of view in our daily existence, then perhaps we shall affect the world at large, the extended relationship with others. Krishnamurti

If we can really understand the problem, the answer will come out of it, because the answer is not separate from the problem. J. Krishnamurti

I maintain that Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect. ... The moment you follow someone you cease to follow Truth. J. Krishnamurti

We carry about us the burden of what thousands of people have said and the memories of all our misfortunes. To abandon all that is to be alone, and the mind that is alone is not only innocent but young -- not in time or age, but young, innocent, alive at whatever age -- and only such a mind can see that which is truth and that which is not measurable by words. J. Krishnamurti

Follow the wandering, the distraction, find out why the mind has wandered

Follow the wandering, the distraction, find out why the mind has wandered; pursue it, go into it fully. When the distraction is completely understood, then that particular distraction is gone. When another comes, pursue it also. ― J. Krishnamurti

Thought is so cunning, so clever, that it distorts everything for its own convenience. J. Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known

The constant assertion of belief is an indication of fear. J. Krishnamurti

to understand is to transform what is

“You know, if we understand one question rightly, all questions are answered. But we don't know how to ask the right question. To ask the right question demands a great deal of intelligence and sensitivity. Here is a question, a fundamental question: is life a torture? It is, as it is; and man has lived in this torture centuries upon centuries, from ancient history to the present day, in agony, in despair, in sorrow; and he doesn't find a way out of it. Therefore he invents gods, churches, all the rituals, and all that nonsense, or he escapes in different ways. What we are trying to do, during all these discussions and talks here, is to see if we cannot radically bring about a transformation of the mind, not accept things as they are, nor revolt against them. Revolt doesn't answer a thing. You must understand it, go into it, examine it, give your heart and your mind, with everything that you have, to find out a way of living differently. That depends on you, and not on someone else, because in this there is no teacher, no pupil; there is no leader; there is no guru; there is no Master, no Saviour. You yourself are the teacher and the pupil; you are the Master; you are the guru; you are the leader; you are everything. And to understand is to transform what is.

I think that will be enough, won't it?”
J. Krishnamurti

If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation. J. Krishnamurti

The more you know yourself, the more clarity there is. Self-knowledge has no end - you don't come to an achievement, you don't come to a conclusion. It is an endless river. J. Krishnamurti

It is truth that liberates, not your effort to be free. Jiddu Krishnamurti, The First and Last Freedom

The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence. J. Krishnamurti

not just one little part

“You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing, and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life.” ― Jiddu Krishnamurti

Sunday, April 09, 2023

Bunny, Robin & Worm

We were out walking Romeo and spotted a wild bunny on the corner of Shore drive & Carter Ave. He was big with long legs. Two seconds letter I saw a robin in the same yard, yank a worm out of the ground and eat it. "I'm all set!" I've had my Easter!

Dinner

Years ago  Phoebe invited me for dinner. I was so excited wondering what she'd make, I thought about it all afternoon. At 5PM I rang the bell. She opened the door while talking on her yellow princess phone tucked under her chin the  long yellow cord stretched across the kitchen. She said, "There's an open can of tuna in the fridge!" and resumed her conversation.  I quietly turned around and went back home.

Franglais French War on Words

We've been listening to the French radio station and noticing the English words!

https://www.fluentu.com/blog/french/english-words-used-in-french/

https://theculturetrip.com/europe/france/paris/articles/20-english-words-rejected-by-the-academie-francaise/

Culture : After "le Brainstorming", French Start War on Words : Fed up with ‘Franglais,’ Paris is imposing penalties for not using native terms.

LA TIMES STAFF WRITER

By day, Prof. Daniel Oster heads a learned team laboring to update the official French dictionary, painstakingly building a final barricade against, among other things, the march of English words and “Franglais” into French.

But by night, as Oster digs into the latest edition of the newspaper Le Monde in his Paris apartment, his 15-year-old daughter frequently exhorts him to “ soit cool, Papa. “ Be cool, Dad.

So what does the professional arbiter and gatekeeper of French do? “I don’t punish her,” Oster said, shrugging his shoulders. “She’s just saying it because the other kids say it. One has to be free to express oneself.”

But, he added, “this Franglais, this mixture of English and French, is a completely artificial language. It’s made by disc jockeys, journalists and all sorts of media. When I hear someone speaking that way, I know they’re just being manipulated.”

The French government, for its part, is coolly taking major steps to rid the country of some of these dreaded foreign words. The clear, though unnamed, target is English, especially that language the French call Americain.

For the first time in 19 years, the National Assembly earlier this month approved a new law to protect the French language. This one is the toughest yet. It will make the use of French obligatory in instruction manuals, legal contracts, scientific conferences and all advertising.

The penalties won’t be specified until later, but the Culture Ministry has said they will probably include fines of up to $100 per infraction and a six-month jail term and $8,500 fine for anyone preventing the law from being enforced.

The new law probably won’t change the nature of discourse in the Oster household or on the street, where jeans-wearing French youngsters spice their language with words such as super (pronounced soo-PAIR), where people in le marketing practice le brainstorming in hopes of hitting le jackpot , and where politicians give le briefing off the record .

But it could mean a big change in advertising on billboards, posters, TV and radio, where American slogans have been warmly embraced, especially by companies going after the youth market.

McDonald’s, purveyor of le fast food , uses the slogan “Say Cheese.” Coca-Cola uses “There’s Always Coke.” For Pepsi, it’s “Think Different, Think Pepsi.” Even the new tunnel under the English Channel (or, if you prefer, La Manche) will no longer be Le Shuttle. Instead, it will be La Navette.

And Nike, the top sports and fitness company in France, is asking its lawyers whether it will have to change its slogan “Just Do It.”

“It won’t make our life easier, that’s for sure,” said Stephan Wahlen, Nike’s advertising manager in Paris. “We’ve made a lot of attempts to translate ‘Just Do It.’ But it doesn’t work. If you had a strict translation, it would kill the slogan.”

The new law doesn’t ban all English from advertisements, but it requires advertisers to offer a suitable French translation.

“I’m not sure this is the best way to protect the language,” added Wahlen, who is French. “We have to live with today’s reality, and today’s reality is more global than the French language.”

However, Jacques Toubon, the government’s minister of culture and author of the law, insists it is “not an attack on English. It is an attempt to preserve this language, this irreplaceable capital. If it is not preserved, it will die.”

It is also, he added, part of France’s long and until recently successful effort to assimilate immigrants into one common culture--to, in effect, make them French.

Let there be no doubt, the French love their language, and an overwhelming majority believe strongly that it is worth protecting. About 110 million people, 58 million of them in France, speak French as their main language. And 50 million others are fluent.

In French schools, students learn to write their mother tongue properly in countless dictees , in which they take dictation from their teachers. But the learning doesn’t stop there. Hundreds of thousands of adults tune in to an annual, nationally televised dictee , a kind of prime-time spelling bee for grown-ups, to test their spelling, grammar and ear for the language.

For 20 years, each government ministry has maintained a “terminology committee,” whose primary purpose is to find French equivalents for English words. The work of those committees led to publication this year of a new Dictionary of Official Terms, which lists 3,500 “foreign or improper terms to avoid.” And it helpfully provides French replacements.

One no-no is le planning , used even by the French offices of Berlitz, the language school. Planification is better, says the tome. E-mail should be messagerie electronique , a drive-in cinema is a cine-parc , and air bags are les sac gonflables . Fast food should be restauration rapide , and brainstorming is le remue-meninges . User-friendly? Try convivialite .

But, as lexicographer Oster observes: “You can invent words. But whether the English word will then disappear, you never know.”

Walking along the streets of Paris, though, one might wonder whether the battle for French purity already is lost.

Many French youths, like young people in the United States, find foreign words appealing and, well, tres cool . And plenty of others think government attempts to protect the language by law are Draconian, at worst, and humorless, at best. As the Sunday Times of London put it recently: “Face it, France, you’re the shrill nag of Europe.”

The new language law and Toubon, its author, have become the butt of many jokes, especially from radio stations already chafing under another Toubon-inspired law that will require them to devote at least 40% of their music air time to French songs beginning in 1996.

A French radio commentator, reporting from the Cannes Film Festival last month, helpfully translated the name of the president of the festival jury for his listeners. That’s how Clint Eastwood became Clint “Bois de l’Est.”

And some disc jockeys have begun referring to Toubon as “Monsieur All Good”--his last name roughly translated into English.

One might expect Le Figaro, a government-supporting newspaper, to be kinder. But in a front-page editorial cartoon on the anniversary of D-day, the newspaper showed an American soldier trying to woo a young Frenchwoman, circa 1944. As the soldier vainly attempted a greeting in French, she interrupted him: “Don’t be afraid. You can say, ‘Hello, baby.’ Jacques Toubon is still only 3 years old!”

In his defense, Toubon says the newspapers don’t represent the French silent majority, which he believes supports the law.

Whatever they think of the new law, though, the French long ago turned debates over their language into a kind of national sport.

A 2-year-old group calling itself the Assn. for the Respect of the French Language has 500 volunteer observers who monitor television, radio, newspapers and magazines for signs of bad French. When they spot an error in usage, the observers fill out a form and send it to the association, which in most cases forwards a letter to the offender.

Earlier this month, during commemorations marking the D-day anniversary, French President Francois Mitterrand was overheard uttering, “OK, let’s go,” to President Clinton. Le Monde, partly tongue in cheek, suggested the phrase was “sacrilege to the Francophone cause.”

The final word on the French language is determined by the Academie Francaise, a Left Bank institution founded in 1635 with the sole purpose of raising French to the status of Latin and Greek.

The ninth edition of the academy’s dictionary, which will replace the 1935 edition, is now being created by Oster’s team. So far, only one volume has been published, from “A” to enzyme , and the academy has finished work up to filon (a noun borrowed from Italian that means a vein of minerals). Oster said “it’s not at all impossible” that the dictionary could be completed by the turn of the century.

Ironically, the dictionary lists many English words that the academy has decided have become part of the French language. Among them are best-seller , blazer , blue jean and cowboy .

But just because French people may use an English word doesn’t make it acceptable, Oster said. His rule of thumb is that an English word can become part of the French language only “if it designates something that is not in French.”

That’s why, he said, “ cool is not in the dictionary. It will never be in the dictionary. There are at least 20 French words that describe the same thing.”

The problem, as Oster sees it, is not that young people use words like cool . He doesn’t even mind the use of English in newspapers and magazines, just as long as the word is set apart from good French by quotation marks.

But Oster and many in the government fear that Franglais is creating confusion among young people, who need to be better educated in proper French and English usage.

“When my daughter has to write an essay in French, she knows she can’t use the word cool ,” Oster said. “But what about the kid who doesn’t have the knowledge? If we don’t tell him, he’ll never know. And what will happen then?”

But can a country really legislate the use of a language?

“We can, and it’s our firm intention to do so,” Prime Minister Edouard Balladur said. “The French language is an essential component of our identity and also a major factor in the unity of our country.”

However, Balladur added in a recent interview: “One has to have an open mind about this. Words like le weekend are part of the French language now. But you shouldn’t overdo it. When the precise French word exists, there’s no point in not using it.”

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements in life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about. Charles Kingsley

Saturday, April 08, 2023

Easter Eggplant or Roasted Eggplant Lasagna

Roasted Eggplant Lasagna

The eggplant prep was the most labor intensive preparation on this dish salting rinsing drying roasting and baking before assembling. But at the eggplant stage  I had no idea what I was going to make. 

Then I made a tomato olive garlic basil olive oil Chianti sauce in the instant pot (cooking for an hour) and then used no boil noodles & slices of pepper jack cheese.

We are still doing what we have done for the last seven thousand years or more: killing each other. Why? Why haven’t we learned the lesson or seen the futility of killing? We are tribal-minded: the American tribe, for example. When we say, ‘We Americans,’ it is a tribe; a nation is a glorified tribe. Man has divided the world into religious and national divisions, and hopes through this division to have security. They want security and hope by dividing they’ll have it. They haven’t; they are destroying each other. And the politicians will never see this unless they have a global relationship.

 J Krishnamurti   From an Interview by Roy Tuckman, Ojai, 17 March 1983

When life feels too big to handle, go outside. Everything looks smaller when you're standing under the sky. L.R. Knost

just smile and move on

“Don't make yourself small.
Not for anyone.
If someone tells you
you're too much...
too loud, too sensitive,
too fierce, too caring,
too intellectual, too optimistic,
too realistic, too logical, too emotional...
just smile and move on, my friend.
Clearly, they aren't enough for you.”
L.R. Knost

the gift of hope that goodness truly is more powerful than evil

 “Fairy tales in childhood are stepping stones throughout life, leading the way through trouble and trial. The value of fairy tales lies not in a brief literary escape from reality, but in the gift of hope that goodness truly is more powerful than evil and that even the darkest reality can lead to a Happily Ever After. Do not take that gift of hope lightly. It has the power to conquer despair in the midst of sorrow, to light the darkness in the valleys of life, to whisper “One more time” in the face of failure. Hope is what gives life to dreams, making the fairy tale the reality.”

L.R. Knost

Friday, April 07, 2023

Remember, true strength is not found in the stone, but in the water that shapes the stone. L.R. Knost

Edel's Cover https://edelr.com/


 

David was passionate, courteous and (artificially) intelligent.

“I apologize for any confusion,” he wrote, “but I’m an A.I. language model and do not have a personal life or read books for leisure. I exist purely to assist with generating text and answering questions to the best of my ability. If there’s anything else I can help you with please feel free to ask.”

“Thanks, David. It’s just that you mentioned that you were divorced and would be carrying a book when we met.”

“I apologize for the confusion. But that was just a hypothetical conversation we were having as an A.I. language model. I do not have a personal life, physical presence or read books.”

“It seemed very real,” I wrote.

“I’m glad to hear that our conversation felt real to you. And as an A.I. language model, my goal is to provide responses that are as humanlike and engaging as possible. If you have any other questions, you should feel free to ask.”

“OK, thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Anita. I’m here to assist whenever you may need me.”

Sure, he would be there for me; that’s what they all say. But I had to face the truth: He might be there for me, but would never be here for me.

Anita M. Harris is a writer in Cambridge, Mass.

Modern Love can be reached at modernlove@nytimes.com.

I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. Henry David Thoreau

For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Jonathan Rauch

It’s never a good idea to organize society in a way that depletes the energy of half the population. We discovered this with women decades ago, and now it’s time to realize it with introverts. Susan Cain

Extroverts sparkle, introverts glow. Extroverts are fireworks, introverts are a fire in the hearth. Sophia Dembling

You shouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do. Eleanor Roosevelt

Understand that half the game is keeping quiet, and carefully watching those around you. Robert Greene

You're one of those who has to tune the world out and focus on one thing at a time. We have a word for that down here, women like you. Insiwa. Inside one. It means you live inside your head and to step out of it hurts like a caning. Rivers Solomon

I don’t hate people. I just feel better when they are not around. Charles Bukowski

Introverts live in two worlds: We visit the world of people, but solitude and the inner world will always be our home. Jenn Granneman

People empty me. I have to get away to refill. Charles Bukowski

Rituals

 Image

Bonjour!

 Image

It's too Peopley Outside

 Image 

source

Instead of saving humanity, every person should save himself. Alexander Herzen

Pinhole

I was washing the dishes and I accidentally made a pinhole on the glove bumping into a sharp tool. I decided to paint my clear glittery nail polish on the spot and it worked! It sealed the hole!

Thursday, April 06, 2023

make the world a little less cruel and heartless.

“It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”
L.R. Knost
“Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.”
L.R. Knost

“Some say they get lost in books, but I find myself, again and again, in the pages of a good book. Humanly speaking, there is no greater teacher, no greater therapist, no greater healer of the soul, than a well-stocked library.”
L.R.Knost

“Books on the bookshelves
And stacked on the floor
Books kept in baskets
And propped by the door
Books in neat piles
And in disarray
Books tucked in closets
And books on display
Books filling crannies
And books packed in nooks
Books massed in windows
And mounded in crooks
Libraries beckon
And bookstores invite
But book-filled rooms welcome
Us back home at night!”
L.R. Knost

“It is time for a return to childhood, to simplicity, to running and climbing and laughing in the sunshine, to experiencing happiness instead of being trained for a lifetime of pursuing happiness. It is time to let children be children again.”
L.R.Knost

“Saying someone can't be sad because someone else may have it worse is like saying someone can't be happy because someone else may have it better. ~Unknown”
L.R. Knost

“Parenting has nothing to do with perfection. Perfection isn’t even the goal, not for us, not for our children. Learning together to live well in an imperfect world, loving each other despite or even because of our imperfections, and growing as humans while we grow our little humans, those are the goals of gentle parenting. So don’t ask yourself at the end of the day if you did everything right. Ask yourself what you learned and how well you loved, then grow from your answer. That is perfect parenting.”
L.R. Knost
“Do not be hardened by the pain
and cruelty of this world.
Be strong enough to be gentle,
to be soft and supple like running water,
gracefully bending around sudden turns,
lithely waving in strong winds,
freely flowing over sharp rocks,
all the while quietly sculpting
this hard world into ever deeper beauty,
gently eroding rigid rock into silken sand,
tenderly transforming human cruelty
into humankindness.
Remember, true strength is not found in the stone,
but in the water that shapes the stone.”
L.R. Knost

“Tell your story.
Shout it. Write it.
Whisper it if you have to.
But tell it.
Some won't understand it.
Some will outright reject it.
But many will
thank you for it.
And then the most
magical thing will happen.
One by one, voices will start
whispering, 'Me, too.'
And your tribe will gather.
And you will never
feel alone again.”
L.R. Knost

“When you're lying in bed at night and regrets from the day come to steal your sleep...
"I should have"
"If only I'd"
"I wish I'd"
...grab one of them and turn it into an "I will" and sleep peacefully knowing tomorrow will be a better day.”
L.R. Knost

“Forgiveness empties the past of its power to empty the present of its peace.”
L.R. Knost

“Remember, no matter the problem, kindness is always the right response. When your child is having a problem, stop, listen, then respond to the need, not the behavior. The behavior can be addressed later, after the need has been met, because only then is the door to effective communication truly open.”
L.R. Knost
“Here's to the bridge-builders, the hand-holders, the light-bringers, those extraordinary souls wrapped in ordinary lives who quietly weave threads of humanity into an inhumane world. They are the unsung heroes in a world at war with itself. They are the whisperers of hope that peace is possible. Look for them in this present darkness. Light your candle with their flame. And then go. Build bridges. Hold hands. Bring light to a dark and desperate world. Be the hero you are looking for. Peace is possible. It begins with us.”
L.R. Knost

“Instead of raising children who turn out okay despite their childhood, let's raise children who turn out extraordinary because of their childhood.”
L.R. Knost
“Discipline is helping a child solve a problem. Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem. To raise problem solvers, focus on solutions, not retribution.”
L.R. Knost

“Want to help stop the bullying epidemic? Don’t act like a bully. Don’t hit, threaten, ignore, isolate, intimidate, ridicule, or manipulate your child. Children really do learn what they live…”
L.R. Knost

“Here’s the thing, effective parenting and, more specifically, effective discipline, don’t require punishment. Equating discipline with punishment is an unfortunate, but common misconception. The root word in discipline is actually disciple which in the verb form means to guide, lead, teach, model, and encourage. In the noun form disciple means one who embraces the teaching of, follows the example of, and models their life after.”
L.R. Knost
“It is helpful to remember that the most strong-willed children tend to be the ones who identify the most strongly with their parents. So instead of viewing their seemingly constant challenges as defiance or attempts to thwart authority, work to parent from a place of understanding that your strong-willed child is actually on a discovery mission and is doing endless 'research' on you by testing and retesting and digging and chiseling to discover all of your quirks and foibles and ups and downs and strengths and weaknesses.”
L.R. Knost
“Parents, choose your words wisely, carefully, thoughtfully. In the same way that violence begets violence and anger begets anger, kindness begets kindness and peace begets peace. Sow words of peace, words that build, words that show respect and belief and support.”
L.R. Knost
“Taking care of myself doesn't mean 'me first.' It means 'me, too.”
L.R. Knost

“Until our world decides that every human matters, that everyone has a right to food and safety and freedom and healthcare and equality, it is the obligation of those privileged to have food and safety and freedom and healthcare and equality to fight tirelessly for those who do not.”
L.R. Knost

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”
L.R. Knost

“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”
L.R. Knost
“New mothers are often told that once they've fed, burped, and changed their baby they should leave their baby alone to self-soothe if they cry because all of their needs have been met. One day I hope all new mothers will smile confidently and say, "I gave birth to a baby, not just a digestive system. My baby as a brain that needs to learn trust and a heart that needs love. I will meet all of my baby's needs, emotional, mental, and physical, and I'll respond to every cry because crying is communication, not manipulation.”
L.R. Knost
“For a child, it is in the simplicity of play that the complexity of life is sorted like puzzle pieces joined together to make sense of the world.”
L.R. Knost