S. J. Perelman

The main obligation is to amuse yourself.
-S.J.Perelman

How many drafts of a story do you do?
Thirty-seven. I once tried doing thirty-three, but something was lacking, a certain - how shall I say? - je ne sais quoi. On another occasion, I tried forty-two versions but the final effect was too lapidary.
-S.J.Perelman

There are nineteen words in Yiddish that convey gradations of disparagement, from a mild, fluttery helplessness to a state of downright, irreconcilable brutishness. All of them can be usefully employed to pinpoint the kind of individuals I write about.
-S.J.Perelman

In my more pompous moments I like to think of myself as a writer rather than a humorist, but I suppose that's merely the vanity of advancing age.
-S.J.Perelman