Linticia or Skeleton in a Wetsuit

I swim with a woman who aspires to be MORTICIA from the Addams family. She even wrote a fan letter to Morticia as a child and heard back! Her name is Linda. Bill calls her Linticia. Her idol is Stephen Tyler. And like Stephen she worries about her rock and no rolls waistline. She lives on air. She keeps no food in her house. Occasionally she has a nighttime meal. A fresh slice of salmon delivered to her door. Her husband is two decades younger and will soon be turning 50.  I think Linticia has had a face lift because she has no wrinkles but her sunken eyes and ice cold fragile fingers and brittle bird limbs give her away. The pool is too cold for her even at at 83 degrees Having no flesh, like a good skeleton, she wears a wet suit. I saw her at a July picnic last year and she had maroon straight shoulder length hair with long bangs, and wore a paisley shirt, beads, and skinny bell-bottom jeans circa 1969. She's been singing in so many rock n' roll bands she's blown out her ears. She is unknowingly going deaf. She guesses what you are saying and makes a joke that her ear plugs and bathing cap interfere. It's exasperating. Couldn't she hide a hearing aid behind those maroon locks? She told me she used to swim more but her muscles got too bulky so she stops at 20 laps, the magic number that allows her to slide into her high school size 9, and call it a day.