8:52 p.m. — The peace of Colonnade Apartment is forever being shattered by a man and woman "yelling, screaming and swearing at each other."
10:26 p.m. — On Charles Street, a bunch of people in an apartment are yelling and swearing. Screaming seems to be avoided.
6:56 a.m. — Ketchup, mustard and cheese have been smeared on a Woodland Green vehicle overnight, rather than donated to Gerry's Food Pantry.
8:32 a.m. — Another note has been left on the Airport door.
9:04 a.m. — Police question a man in a vehicle parked on a street that is better not mentioned. He relates that he is equidistant between his home and that of a family member, and is hiding from his wife. He is not supposed to smoke, and this is his furtive spot to do so.
3:54 p.m. — A man tells a person on a phone outside city hall that "you and your kids are going to die." This is interpreted as a hostile remark.
6:46 p.m. — A man lying on the ground near Orchard Street is a homeless napper, who's moved along.
6:19 p.m. — On North Main Street the wife of a woman's boyfriend has written his name on her (the girlfriend's) mailbox. This is logged as criminal mischief.
12:13 a.m. — A gentleman and two ladies screech on Academy Street. Asked to quieten down, they get louder.
6:49 a.m. — A Dewey Street woman who wakes up at dawn has found a red mower parked out on her lawn.
7:35 a.m. — A man walks up South Main Street in a hospital gown. Frisbie [hospital] confirms he has been discharged.
9:40 a.m. — Trash has been dumped in the Shell dumpster on Milton Road, but not by them. They have found a credit card statement with a name.
10:48 a.m. — A dog whose name is Skipper, is quite the collar slipper, though Summer Street's his home, he's taken off to roam.
2:29 p.m. — There are loose boxers in Margaret Street — that's dogs, we think, not flappy underpants.
4:08 a.m. — On Summer Street a cat is yowling, it's got stuck way up a tree, round garbage cans it should be prowling, instead it shares its misery. Come dawn a kindly fireman might, pluck that moggy from its plight. Wait! In the air don't throw those hats, as I recall they don't do cats.
4:46 p.m. — On Myrtle Street, a couple in their early teens, skimpily clad, reportedly have their hands in each other's clothing. They have vanished when police arrive.
6:13 a.m. — On Ten Rod, a raccoon is struck, badly injured, out of luck; now it enjoys (so wipe that eye) the great corn patch that's in the sky.
6:15 a.m. — A fridge sits in the middle of Salmon Falls Road.
4:50 p.m. — On Lafayette Street blasting music, shakes, rattles and annoys the neighbors.
Read more about John Nolan's poetic police blotter here.