The Books Saved my Life

“The books have saved my life in many ways,” she said. “I had to write the first book for my daughter, so she would know the truth. I had to write the second book because I was so angry about the treatment by the government. Now it’s changed, but I had to write a book for it to change.”

The trial, which takes place in a secure courtroom known as The Bunker in Amsterdam, is expected to last until next summer, and is a national spectacle. Hundreds of people line up outside for seats to court sessions, which take place sporadically.

In court, Ms. Holleeder has had yelling matches with her brother so often that they have both been admonished by the judge. “He appeals to my darker side,” she admitted. Even though they are separated by a wall, she said she still is frightened to be anywhere near him.

“I can’t see him and he can’t see me, but I feel him,” she said. “Everything he does I hear. When he coughs or sneezes I hear it, and when he taps his fingers on the table I feel his presence and that makes it difficult for me to say things, because I’m very afraid.”

Ms. Holleeder is hoping that her testimony will help put her brother away for life (there is no death penalty in Holland), but she knows that even that may not protect her.

“He has already ordered the killing and it has to go ahead if he’s alive or not,” she said. “He needs his revenge.” If he fails to murder her, Ms. Holleeder figures she might have another 20 or so years to live, and her hope is that her books and the offshoots will give her enough financial stability to move out of the Netherlands, taking her family with her.

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