Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax

Oh, hi!

Q: Cheating Spouse

My husband is having an affair and plans to leave me for his affair partner. She is a single mother with a child in the same classroom as our son. The kids are not friends but they are friendly and bound to be in classes and activities together again. How do I handle this?
A: Carolyn Hax

With tremendous self-care to start--since this sounds like slow torture, I'm sorry.

It's possible, though, that the seemingly worst element of the situation, that you have to face everyone constantly through your son, will prove to be the most useful. Anger is a natural and healthy response, but only if you don't allow it to linger. And while you might think the constant exposure to these two will keep stirring up the anger, the opposite can also be true if you let it be: that constant exposure will force you to let go of the anger, get bored with it even, and get used to your new reality.

Having kids involved, meanwhile, will force you to keep choosing your best behavior when you're tempted to give it your worst. Again, if you let it.

So that's how I suggest you handle it--let the whole thing get old and stay civil for the kids. That will allow you to feel good about yourself, which is how you'll find your way to feeling good again in general.

When you need an extra dose of resilience going into a school situation, I suggest this as your mantra: "You're each other's problem now." Because that's in fact what they are.
— Jan 25, 2019 12:10 EST
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