For years and years, my job was to pile on sand

“Deception takes commitment, vigilance, and a very good memory. To keep the truth buried, you must tend to it. For years and years, my job was to pile on sand - fistfuls, shovelfuls, bucketfuls, whatever the moment necessitated - in an effort to keep my mother's secret buried.”
― Adrienne Brodeur, Wild Game: My Mother, Her Lover, and Me

“Piece of cake," she said. "Your mother's just lonely."
I was dumbfounded. Malabar had dinner parties almost every weekend; she had been juggling two men for years. "My mother's not lonely," I said.
"You're wrong," said Kyra. "Loneliness is not about how many people you have around. It's about whether or not you feel connected. Whether or not you're able to be yourself."
I was at a loss for words. Was Malabar not being herself when she was being Malabar?
"You know what I mean," Kyra said, breaking it down for me. "The lonely feeling comes from not being known.”
― Adrienne Brodeur, Wild Game: My Mother, Her Lover, and Me