A Stranger Will Do

I have no idea what friendship is. I have been thinking a lot about it, why I have no gal pals, why I can handle only one friend at a time until things blow up, which they nearly always do. I saw my parents have the same problem in their friendships (and even with each other). Is friendship simply about sameness? Perhaps with women it is - I seem to have plenty of guy pals.

I panic when a friend says she wants to join me and my dog on our walks. No way, you'll spoil it for me, I think. I'm suspicious when a friend decides she'd like my company, or wants to "catch up." If I give it a go it's usually a huge disappointment. The friend will suddenly need to control me, put me in her kitchen and tell me to peel the carrots (no not that way, this way!). Or she'll treat me gingerly as if I were a rabid dog that needed pacifying.

Or she'll throw a party, and rush around in a hostess frenzy so we can't really talk. I don't like to drink. I don't have any big reason, I just don't like it. At a party this makes everyone uncomfortable and needing to drink even more. I have noticed that people who like to drink or smoke seem to have plenty of friends. So do people with vacation homes, boats, and lakefront property. I have to admit I am truly suspect of anyone who wants to invite me to stay at their country house. Once out in their remote paradise, most owners of country homes become movie directors who need to control everything around them. I become claustrophobic at the thought of not being able to run out and catch a bus home.

What I want is for people to read my writing and view my paintings and eat my bread, and they need not be a friend to do so. A stranger will do fine.