Witness (Week Seven)

Take a look at that and I'll be back.
She placed a letter on the table and walked down the hall. I picked up the paper. It was a restraining order, stamped, dated, and filled out in black and white. When she came back I said, How does it make you feel?
Safe. I get to make a copy for the school and a copy to carry.
Good, I said.

There's a side to me that's not very nice, but you don't see it. My mother does. She had a childhood way worse than mine, she was beaten every day by her father. She still was better behaved than me.
You've had a lot to deal with and your mom has too. I'm concerned that the two of you get tangled up.
I'm afraid my mother will go back to sleeping on a mattress on the floor eating potato chips day and night like she did back when she caught my father having an affair with a man.

My mom says you probably don't like me anymore now that you've gotten to know me.
That's not true. I don't feel that way at all.
Nobody loves me. My teachers don't love me. I don't have friends anymore.
You have a lot of angels here looking after you.
I just needed to unload. I'll be okay.

My mother thinks I don't love her. When I say I'm sorry she says, You said sorry last time.
I think she knows deep down that you love her.
No she really believes deep down that I don't love her.

I have a confession to make. I had a fight with my mother while we were making chicken. I had a fit and grabbed the kitchen scissors and stabbed my cheek. When she tried to stop me I cut her fingers. She needed stitches but she didn't want to go to the hospital because she'd have to tell them what happened and they could take me away.

Remember those cat scratches on my arm from two weeks ago? That wasn't by a cat it was me cutting myself. My mother called the psychiatrist and he said I'd have to take more medication and maybe get sent back to residential. Do you know what that is? It's where they keep you until you're eighteen.

You have to promise not to tell.
But if I think you are endangering yourself I have to talk to my colleagues. We want to keep you safe.
You mean like if I say I'm planning to jump off a bridge?
Yeah, I said, grabbing hold of her wrists. I wouldn't let you go.