underlying this is your own desire for the sister whom you want rather than the sister whom you have.

But the goal here is for you -- and me! -- to rise above the family drama. In that sense, what is best for you is to distance yourself emotionally from your sister until she changes her life and you no longer have to keep her secrets.

This is not a way of punishing your sister or forcing her to change her behavior, but a way for you to protect yourself from emotional pain and manipulation. If you insert yourself into this drama you will be punished from all sides by your family. There is no way for you to win.

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What else may be driving her behavior at a deep level? Well, as the family drama goes, she is rejecting Mommy, and Mommy's beliefs, in order to get what she wants from Daddy. She is taking Daddy away from Mommy. She is punishing Mommy and demonstrating that she is more attractive and successful than Mommy.

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in other words, yes, indeed, something is dreadfully wrong here. But you cannot fix it by stepping in and telling the truth about what your sister is doing. That would place you squarely in a drama that is secondary to what is actually important.

What is actually important is what you actually want. You need to dig deep and admit that underlying this is your own desire for the sister whom you want rather than the sister whom you have.

Cary Tennis