The TOXIC FAMILY Escape Plan

It is important to remember that it is not uncommon to dislike members of your family. Not liking your family does not make you a bad person. In some cases, you can still maintain relationships with people even if you may not necessarily like them. 

Just Say No. Managing anger over the holidays requires you to say “No” from time to time. If you don’t feel like participating in a particular family event, then you need to assertively state your desire to skip the family event this year. Saying “yes” to things you don’t want to do will only trigger your anger more. 

What is a toxic family member?

Toxic family members can be hard to spot. But one tell-tale sign that you’ve got a toxic family member often lies in how you are made to feel after an interaction with them. Sometimes we don’t realize they are the cause of it until it is pointed out to us. Then, it can be difficult to unsee the toxicity. 

A toxic person will display one or more of these behaviours on a regular basis:

They stir the pot. This means they cause division between other family members and pit family members against each other. They might exaggerate something someone said about you or flat out lie. They might bring up topics about others they know will upset you. This includes gossip. 

They refuse to speak to you. You get the silent treatment, especially if there has been a disagreement. This is a form of emotional control and manipulation. 

They lie. Toxic family members will often deny their part in any disagreement or event which would put them in a bad light. They do not seem concerned in reconciliation or honesty, but only self-preservation and deflection. 

They manipulate. It seems to be that no matter what you say or do it always ends up that you are in the wrong. They tell half-truths and then turn the tables on you. They might call you overly sensitive or make you feel like you are the one that is the issue (gaslighting). 

They are passive aggressive. Passive-aggressive toxic people are sometimes the most difficult to spot because they don’t get obviously angry but they quietly demean you and create conflict without a scene. A passive-aggressive family member will make back-handed comments meant to unsettle you. 

They are aggressive. An aggressive toxic family member will get angry, yell, swear and sometimes physically hit others, damage property or threaten to hurt others. These individuals are easy to spot, but sometimes behaviour is dismissed by others in the family. Beware, this is toxic. 

They ignore boundaries. No matter what boundaries you set, this individual will find a way to make themselves an exception or guilt you for having set them. Or, they will ignore them all together and carry on with behaviours they know that you are not okay with. People who ignore boundaries show a lack of respect and belittle you. 

Toxic Family