The Voice

The voice inside my head shouts, "We did not pay for college to have you teach swimming! We did not raise you to amount to NOTHING!" When I was 20, working at a fancy Italian restaurant as a dishwasher,  my mother screamed into the phone, "You'll never amount to anything if you like washing dishes!" I still love washing dishes and I love watching the snow fall. I had a home economics teacher scream at us when we all turned our heads to watch the first snow of the season, "What's the matter, you've never seen snow before?"

My teaching of swimming was born out of an invitation which I accepted. I love the water and it is my desire to share this love; a watery valentine to all of the adults who want to learn. I can put them at ease with my smile, observations, and encouragement. I am Mary Poppins in a bathing suit, cap, and goggles, blowing bubbles. We're having a tea party underwater. Watch the bubbles. Let's try it again, again, again!

But that voice. You'll never amount to anything . . . We want to keep you caged in your room. Shut up and paint. Don't have any friends. Be our idiot savant. Stay in your room until you die. This is the picture I was raised with and ran away from. I'm still running. "Emily Dickinson wrote poems and stayed in her room until she died!" my sister reminded me when we were kids. She knew the rules of the game.

I was also invited to teach English. I love to connect. I will act out a scenario, draw a picture, put on a hat, anything to connect. I love my students and they are learning. One word at a time. It is a beautiful life. Hello Mother perhaps this is all I have amounted to. Goodbye mean Mother voice. Farewell. It is YOU who amounted to nothing but a mean memory in my life.