She never dealt with her childhood

She never dealt with her childhood sexual abuse by her grandfather. She started drinking at age 13. She's a professional now, downing three bottles of wine at dinner. She has been lucky, she drives home safely after partying with friends but she has fallen and blacked out and cut and burned herself cooking drunk many times. She has served food that caused her unsuspecting guests food poisoning due to being drunk and using spoiled eggs and meat that has sat out overnight. She is very smart but not quite smart enough to submit to getting the help she needs. Control is the real issue: you have to submit to getting help for yourself. Giving up that control is very threatening.

If you think YOU are the expert you might make decisions that cost you a life. Your husband's life, your child's life, your own life. My mother was on this path, and she decided on her own that I needed a colostomy. She did not go to medical school. She had the power and money to dictate anything she wanted. That was when I ran away.