I baked mine for 20 minutes (not 40 but I'd better double check) at a preheated 350 F oven and then cooled them for 10 minutes (using fan) and sliced them and baked them for 10 minutes more per side at 300F.
My friend Mario was parked in his service truck on our street opposite my house. He was talking on the phone. I ran upstairs and grabbed my latest cranberry orange biscotti and put them in a bag and handed it to him. "Give me your email so I can send you my stories!"I said.
Didriksen remembered as an icon in fishing industry
Michael Bonner
mbonner@s-t.com
NEW
BEDFORD — A procession of visitors entered a hospital room at St.
Anne’s in Fall River last weekend to bid farewell to Harriet Didriksen.
Her
son, Dana, saw his mother. With each new person who entered the room,
he began to see, in many ways, the matriarch of the waterfront.
“She’s
intrinsically dedicated to this lifestyle for the good of herself and
other people,” Dana said. “For me it’s been quite eye opening and it’s
been very soothing, very nice.”
Didriksen died
Sunday at age 76. Dana returned to his home in Manhattan on Thursday
morning. With each day he spent in the SouthCoast, though, the bond
between his mother and the fishing industry grew more and more visible.
By the docks in Fairhaven, an electrician Dana didn’t remember approached him to share stories about Didriksen.
“Your
mother did a lot of things for the fishing industry that weren’t to her
benefit as an owner,” Dana recalled him saying. “Your mother sacrificed
stuff to the detriment of her business.”
Didriksen
inherited New Bedford Ship Supply from her aunt and uncle in 2000, but
worked there her entire life. The business will continue under Dana.
“There
were plenty of guys that are just starting out, they didn’t have
credit. They would come to us and ask for a favor. ‘Would you guys give
me a hand in getting me started in getting some gear.’ We did that for
quite a few customers,” said Joe Couto, who had worked with Didriksen at
Ship Supply since 1977.
The memories flowed
from Erik Orman of Tempest Fisheries, too. He shared a lunch with Dana
and described the irretrievable void left by Didriksen.
"Her knowledge,
being a woman in the industry and what she did and how she was
respected, it’s just incredible,” Orman told Dana. “She won’t be
replaced. She just won't be replaced.”
Didriksen recorded Orman’s words to capture forever and pass down to future generations.
“This is stuff I want to know. I want to have,” Dana said.
For every person in New Bedford and every scallop lover, Didriksen should always be remembered.
“Fifty
years from now, they’ll say New Bedford was the No. 1 port in the
United States for how many ever years it is, and that was because of
Harriet Didriksen,” Brian Rothschild, founding dean of SMAST, said.
The
Port of New Bedford holds the title as the most valuable port for 17
consecutive years due to the plentiful scallop fishery. That wasn’t the
case for the fishery in the 1990s and some refused to reexamine it.
“We
were going up against some pretty powerful people and some pretty
preconceived notions to look at the scallop resource in a new way that
wasn’t really accepted by everyone, but Harriet got it right away and
really supported us with it,” said SMAST Professor Kevin Stokesbury, who
is credited with developing the underwater camera to accurately capture
scallop populations.
Didriksen recruited
powerful people of her own. She worked with Cong. Barney Frank and Sen.
Ted Kennedy to open previously closed scallop areas.
“What
made it really easy for me, certainly and honestly, was that I had such
confidence in a few people and Harriet was one of them,” Frank said.
“Over the years she was honest and I could rely on her. She was very
important.”
Through their work together, Frank
and Didriksen developed a friendship. When Frank met the Crown Prince of
Norway, he brought up Didriksen and her contributions to the New
Bedford waterfront. It wasn’t the first time her reputation reached her
native Norway or Europe.
Cathy Downey, a friend
of Didriksen, remembered a phone call with a fisherman in Europe when
Didriksen beeped in. Downey apologized but told the man she had to take
the call.
“His response from Europe was, is that Harriet Didriksen?” Downey said.
He later told Downey that Didriksen taught him how to correctly pack scallops. He wasn’t a customer.
“She just wanted me to know how to do it right. I’m indebted to her,” Downey remembered him saying.
She
carried the notion to every fisheries meeting she attended. She also
participated as a member of the Fisheries Survival Fund Board, New
Bedford Port Authority Fisherman's Advisory Counsel, SMAST Steering
Committee, Commercial Fisheries NOAA Roundtable and the Joint
VMS/Enforcement Committee & Advisory Panel.
Every meeting she brought with her an encyclopedic knowledge of the industry.
She
understood the significance of research within the industry and acted
as one of the leaders in promoting SMAST from its beginning until she
died.
Didriksen donated supplies and food during research trips. She spoke to classes and encouraged young woman to join the industry.
Like Frank, Stokesbury placed a high value on how Didriksen viewed current issues. They spoke weekly.
Bob
Vanasse of Saving Seafood, a national industry advocacy group that
began in New Bedford in 2009, said in an email that Didriksen was a
"great lady" who will be greatly missed.
"In
2009, Richie Canastra and I sat down and started thinking about what we
could do to improve communication in the industry. One of the first
people who offered support was Harriet," Vanasse wrote. "She contributed
every month without fail since the day we started Saving Seafood ten
years ago. In all that time she only asked for one thing, Get the truth
out and tell your mother Harriet says hello."
The
fact that Didriksen was armed with knowledge and a photographic memory
usually didn’t bode well for the issue or topic she opposed.
“Strong
minded. Strong willed and most oftentimes pretty well right. That’s the
difference,” former fisherman Jim Kendall said. “A lot of times people
are strong minded and just don’t have a clue. But most often she was
hitting it right on the head. And many times to the Council’s
misfortune.”
From Kendall to Downey and Ellen Skaar, Didriksen developed relationships through Council meetings, which she rarely missed.
After
visiting Dana in New York, Didriksen would land at Logan Airport and
take a taxi or limo to a council meeting, Kendall said.
“She
wasn’t a fishermen, but she was a fisherman's daughter. And she was a
fisherman's wife. She was part of the fishing industry,” Skaar said.
“She cared about the fishing industry, very much so.”
Her husband would joke, that when she died, her ashes would be scattered along Pier 3.
A very private person, Didriksen didn’t want a funeral or memorial services. She will be cremated.
Respecting his mother’s wish, Dana didn’t plan a service, but she will be remembered.
In
the spring, family and friends will hold an event — possibly at
Seamen's Bethel — to pay tribute to the woman who helped countless
individuals.
"She was an iconic person as well
as running an iconic business,” Kendall said. “You don’t often get those
two qualities together. She’s going to be missed.”
My biological father was very tall. He looked like Abraham Lincoln and Dick Van Dyke combined.
He was a
runner but was a swimmer when my mother met him when she was 16
pretending to be 18 while working at a summer camp. He was the tan lifeguard.
They eloped!
He had blue eyes and was a High School English teacher before he moved into advertising.
He made radio sound effects for Sacramento Tomato juice --the bloop
bloop sound of thick tomato juice being poured. He had the quintessential radio voice.
I saw him on rare occasions. I was terrified of him. He would yell at me for stirring my ice cream.
He aspired to be a
novelist but only worked on his autobiographical novel on Christmas Day. He loved
Martini's too much too often, daily for lunch and dinner.
Once he joined the midtown Manhattan advertising world he married (3 overlapping advertising women) every ten years for 30 years starting families on each round.
The first one was my mother, Sonia from Brooklyn.
The second one was Renee. They had a baby girl with Down syndrome named Sydney who was institutionalized and died of neglect. Then they claimed to be Presbyterian or Episcopalian (not Jewish) so they could adopt two children. And they did, Nikki and Bill and he left when they were age 7.
The third wife, Liz had also been married twice prior and had 2 adult children a boy I've never met, and a girl Cathy from her first marriage. They stayed married until his death.
Childhood Roles Developed in a Narcissistic Family
Posted: April 10, 2023
You
were raised in an environment where the needs of one or both parents
always came first. You learned at an early age how to comfort, appease,
and cater to your parent. You always felt compared to and pitted against
your sibling(s) and there never seemed to be enough love to go around.
If any of this sounds familiar, you may have grown up in a
dysfunctional, narcissistic family.
What is a Narcissistic Family?
A
narcissistic family describes a family where one or both parents
exhibit narcissistic personality traits which significantly impact the
family dynamics. The parent(s) are absorbed with their own needs and are
dismissive of the needs of their child(ren). Family members are often
forced to adapt specific roles and functions to please the narcissistic
parent and survive amongst this dysfunction.
Below
are some roles that children tend to adapt to cope with a narcissistic
parent(s). Keep in mind that roles can vary based on the traits of each
individual and family.
Scapegoat: The
child who is frequently blamed by the narcissist for the problems of
the family. The narcissistic parent uses the scapegoat to deflect blame
and avoid accountability for their actions. Other family members may
antagonize the scapegoat to win the narcissist’s favor or avoid the
narcissist’s wrath.
Golden Child:
The narcissistic parent views this child as an extension of themselves.
The narcissist assigns favorable traits to this child to inflate their
own ego and self-worth. The golden child begins to believe they are only
worthy when excelling in activities approved by the narcissist. The
narcissistic parent tends to pit the golden child and scapegoat against
each other causing an unfortunate rift in the sibling relationship.
See-er/Truth Teller:
The one “who gets it.” Often there is a child or family member that
recognizes toxic patterns in the family and is aware of unhealthy and
inappropriate behaviors. They question the dynamics of the family and
will occasionally give push back to the narcissist. Truth Tellers can
end up feeling lonely and frustrated since many family members will
enable and support the narcissist out of fear or psychological
manipulation. The narcissistic parent is threatened by the Truth
Teller’s awareness and will attempt to gaslight or ostracize the Truth
Teller.
Adults
can also adapt roles in response to the family dynamics set by a
narcissist. Below are common roles reported in families where at least
one parent exhibits narcissistic traits:
Narcissist:
Parent/adult who exhibits narcissistic traits or has Narcissistic
Personality Disorder. This person places their needs above others and
employs manipulative tactics to get these needs met.
Enabler: An
individual who condones and encourages the behavior of the narcissist.
Often the enabler has learned that they can avoid the narcissist’s wrath
by enabling narcissistic abuse and giving into manipulation.
Narcissist by Proxy:
A victim of narcissistic abuse who adapts the traits of the
narcissistic abuser. This is due to a phenomenon in which victims begin
to identify and sympathize with their abuser which creates a bond, and
subsequently, the illusion of control for the victim.
Impact of Growing Up in a Narcissistic Family
Growing
up in a narcissistic family feels like you’re always waiting for the
next explosion. Adults who experienced these dynamics as children are
more prone to the following:
Depression and hopelessness – Anxiety and fear – Low self-esteem – Difficulty with trust and intimate relationships – Co-dependency – Indecisiveness – People-pleasing behaviors – Perfectionism – Confusion – Criticism of others
How to Cope with a Narcissistic Family?
Set Boundaries:
Therapy can help you learn to set healthy boundaries within your
family. This can include limiting phone calls, visits, and
conversations. This can also include setting emotional boundaries within
yourself.
Go No Contact:
Therapy can help you explore if going no contact with a family member
is the healthiest option for you. This can be a difficult choice to make
which is why counseling is an important part of the process to help
guide you through this decision.
Validate Yourself:
Individuals raised in a narcissistic family rarely received validation.
It’s important to provide yourself that validation now. Remember your
feelings are valid and appropriate. Give yourself a pep talk before and
after engaging with a narcissistic family member.
Get Connected With a Therapist:
You don’t have to struggle through this process alone. Breaking away
from a narcissistic family dynamic can be confusing and scary. Working
with a therapist can help you sort through your feelings and increase
your self-worth.*
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