Emotional Hemophilia

I hate being cyclothymic. I'm either elated or suicidal for 10 week stretches. The emotional pain is a tornado spinning within. Here it is a glorious day and I am tempted to lay down in the road so cars will run me over. Please shoot me, I want to scream at anyone who might be able to comply. I'll donate my organs! I am reminded by my patient husband that I will adjust to the downward mood switch and it won't be so bad in a week or so. I feel that I don't have that kind of time. Yet I don't have a choice so I take a long walk and that helps, and then a hot shower. I started 4 books yesterday, none of them were right. They all had false notes, bad metaphors and lies. When I need to read, I hunger for honest writing so I feel less alone in my pain. This is about tending to emotional bleeding, a bout of emotional hemophilia.