Wednesday, August 09, 2017

Under Construction

The people I know who were raised by narcissistic parents are constantly trying to control how people think of them. They learned this from their self-involved parents. As children they naturally sought approval and admiration from "Mommy and Daddy," something mommy and daddy were unable to provide. Now the children are adults in search of approval. They are mute or unable to communicate authentically because they're tying to control the reaction. The only way they can do this is to become demanding, or go silent. This is tragic.

Building a life from the inside requires listening to what is inside, to the genuine self. Children of narcissistic parents instead try constructing a life from the outside, trying to please. They are trapped by a need to control how people view them. What remains is the mess between the ears.

a comment
About the narcissistic parents, that is such an interesting observation. I mean, about wanting to be assured all the time by others; it can be an unhealthy and even dangerous trap when it's extreme. I have an old friend who makes herself crazy and ruins her life on a daily weekly monthly yearly basis by allowing others to take her over and then wanting to kvetch non stop over it. If I suggest that she kicks these people out of her life she equates it to being bitchy; she wants these awful people to think she's ok. It's disgusting and sad. I have had to limit her to only a certain number of kvetches since, as I tell her, she is creating this for herself. Her parents were alcoholics who adopted her and she used to hear them argue about whose fault it was that they made the (bad) decision to adopt her. Sadly, she herself was an awful parent because she was also extremely self involved. My kids used to remark about her parenting skills when they were just young children. To be honest, if I had met Sue-Elen just one year later, I would not have befriended her. By then, I had decided not to get involved with people who had not figured out what they were about.