Monday, July 23, 2018

I Just Got Here

The beauty of cyclothymia is you never have to go on vacation because the vacation comes to you. One day you wake up and you are Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and everything is quiet and spectacular as if you just landed. For me this lasts about ten weeks but the first three weeks are intoxicating and exhausting as if gaining your eyesight after being blind.

When I was in high school people would ask me 'What are you on?"
Life, I'd think to myself. "I just got here," I'd say, because that's what it felt like, on planet Earth.

Now I tell my husband it is a very lonely disease and this may be what drives me to communicate in words and pictures and breads. Whether I am flying or dying inside it is an outstanding gravitational force every moment of my life. I'm either walking with wings on my back propelling me into the sky or I'm wearing a dead smelly corpse dangling from my neck. But this is my life and my biological neurological karmic challenge.

I have learned a lot of strategies to keep me on Earth and help me cope and thrive. I am very lucky that I have been attracted to things that are good for me and my brain like my husband, my dog, my city, writing, painting, swimming, baking bread.

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