The Crime

The Crime, according to my mother, was growing beyond puberty. The Punishment: I must stay home while the rest of the family goes to Spain for a midwinter vacation.

I was 16. I stayed home and looked out the window. 

I didn't care then but I care now. How did my father not step in and suggest a family vacation include all of the family? He was powerless.

This was a huge problem from this point on. I came from Sonia's first marriage when I was two. But entering young adulthood I was suddenly her property without protection from either of my fathers.

This morning I was agitated after my swim and wanted to walk home in the sunshine rather than have a lift. The coordination with my morning ride makes me crazy. The early morning lift is convenient in the middle of winter, but I prefer to wander home on my own. I don't want anyone waiting for me.

I require a lot of space both mentally and physically.

I walked home wearing my wet bathing suit, swim sandals, black dress, five sweatshirts, scarf, hat, and gloves. I was fine. It's only a half mile walk even though it's 23 degrees and windy, My toes became cold and unhappy, but I wanted to feel the weather. 

Later in the morning I had a huge walk with Romeo to Turbesi Park and beyond. Then after lunch I took a nap. I get edgy and restless when I am exhausted. When I swim every day and occasionally have a bad sleep I get cranky.

I woke up with a recipe in mind for squash soup. It's cooking now.