what a person needs is someone to be present

It’s okay not to know what to do or to get it wrong sometimes—I certainly do! What’s not okay is allowing self-doubt to get in the way of helping someone in need.

My former paralysis was based on the mistaken belief that someone in crisis needed me to fix whatever was wrong with them. People don’t want or need fixing. Most often what a person needs is someone to be present, to hear and acknowledge their experience non-judgmentally.

As Fran expressed it recently, “Understanding friends help me integrate in a healthy way.” Of course, there are times when practical help is appropriate, or where intervention is both wanted and imperative. A friend messaged me recently. She’d taken an overdose and needed me to phone for an ambulance. I got her details, called the emergency services, and stayed online with her until the ambulance crew arrived. Another friend posted on social media that she was feeling suicidal. I messaged her and we chatted for a couple of hours. Did it fix things? Of course not. Did it help her in the moment? I believe so. Martin Baker