Posts
Friday, December 20, 2024
Wednesday, December 18, 2024
Tuesday, December 17, 2024
Certain subjects just need time
I think that when you’re trying to do something prematurely, it just won’t come. Certain subjects just need time. . . . You’ve got to wait before you write about them.
Joyce Carol Oates
Monday, December 16, 2024
write it down making it clear
Remember what the noises were and what was said. Find what gave you the emotion; what the action was that gave you the excitement. Then write it down making it clear so the reader will see it too and have the same feeling that you had. That's a five finger exercise.
Ernest Hemingway
Josh Marshall
I’ve written a few times recently about Donald Trump’s ability to stake out and hold territory in the public mind, the public attention span, with threats that he likely (though not certainly) can’t make good on or won’t even have the attention span or care enough to focus on. So he’ll end birthright citizenship or he’ll jail his opponents. Or maybe not. It’s part of his ability to always be taking the initiative on that mutable and uncanny territory where media narratives and old fashioned reality become a common fabric. He acts and keeps acting and his opponents react and keep reacting.
I was reminded of a central example of this this morning, something that happened again and again in his first term. He muses publicly about his sole and unchallenged right to make some decision or choice that in practice he knows nothing about. Usually he has no right to make that choice. Often he has no ability to make that choice. The fact that he has no ability to make such a choice in any remotely informed way adds to the angst many feel hearing his comments. It’s the essence of the power, a multiple-layered onion of gaslighting and itself a factor in keeping everyone off balance. It is, and is intended to serve as, a kind of meditation and magnification of his arbitrary power, how we’re all living not just in his world but in his will.
Josh Marshall Consistency, Mind Games and Power-Plays in the Brave New World of Weird
Sunday, December 15, 2024
Thursday, December 12, 2024
Fear is the cause of every problem. It’s the root of all prejudices and the negative emotions of anger, jealousy, and possessiveness. If you had no fear, you could be perfectly happy living in this world.
Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
Ruth Asawa: The most important thing is to be true to yourself and to create from your own unique perspective.
Art is for everybody. It belongs to all. It is not something that you have to have a degree to understand.
We live in a society where art is often seen as a luxury or an indulgence, but it is actually a necessity for the human spirit.
I found that I could express myself best through sculpture. It became my language.
The most important thing is to be true to yourself and to create from your own unique perspective.
Ruth Asawa
It’s actually a shocking realization when you first notice that your mind is constantly talking. You might even try to yell at it in a feeble attempt to shut it up. But then you realize that’s the voice yelling at the voice.
Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
Inner Energy
The most important thing in life is your inner energy. If you’re always tired and never enthused, then life is no fun. But if you’re always inspired and filled with energy, then every minute of every day is an exciting experience. Learn to work with these things. Through meditation, through awareness and willful efforts, you can learn to keep your centers open. You do this by just relaxing and releasing. You do this by not buying into the concept that there is anything worth closing over. Remember, if you love life, nothing is worth closing over.
― The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
Wednesday, December 11, 2024
To attain true inner freedom, you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them.
“To attain true inner freedom, you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them... Once you've made the commitment to free yourself of the scared person inside, you will notice that there is a clear decision point at which your growth takes place.”
― The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
When you feel pain, simply view it as energy. Just start seeing these inner experiences as energy passing through your heart
“When you feel pain, simply view it as energy. Just start seeing these inner experiences as energy passing through your heart and before the eye of your consciousness. Then relax. Do the opposite of contracting and closing. Relax and release. Relax your heart until you are actually face-to-face with the exact place where it hurts. Stay open and receptive so you can be present right where the tension is. You must be willing to be present right at the place of the tightness and pain, and then relax and go even deeper. This is very deep growth and transformation. But you will not want to do this. You will feel tremendous resistance to doing this, and that’s what makes it so powerful. As you relax and feel the resistance, the heart will want to pull away, to close, to protect, and to defend itself. Keep relaxing. Relax your shoulders and relax your heart. Let go and give room for the pain to pass through you. It’s just energy. Just see it as energy and let it go.”
Your inner growth is completely dependent upon the realization that the only way to find peace and contentment is to stop thinking about yourself.
― Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
To spend your life avoiding pain means it’s always right behind you.
“To get some distance from this, you first need to get some perspective. Walk outside on a clear night and just look up into the sky. You are sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Though you can only see a few thousand stars, there are hundreds of billions of stars in our Milky Way Galaxy alone. In fact, it is estimated that there are over a trillion stars in the Spiral Galaxy. And that galaxy would look like one star to us, if we could even see it. You’re just standing on one little ball of dirt and spinning around one of the stars. From that perspective, do you really care what people think about your clothes or your car? Do you really need to feel embarrassed if you forget someone’s name? How can you let these meaningless things cause pain? If you want out, if you want a decent life, you had better not devote your life to avoiding psychological pain. You had better not spend your life worrying about whether people like you or whether your car impresses people. What kind of life is that? It is a life of pain. You may not think that you feel pain that often, but you really do. To spend your life avoiding pain means it’s always right behind you.”
― The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
How would you feel if someone outside really started talking to you the way your inner voice does? How would you relate to a person who opened their mouth to say everything your mental voice says? After a very short period of time, you would tell them to leave and never come back. But when your inner friend continuously speaks up, you don’t ever tell it to leave. No matter how much trouble it causes, you listen.
Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
you've been taught that you're being judged
“Instead of being encouraged to feel completely protected, loved, honored, and respected by the Divine Force, you've been taught that you're being judged. Because you've been taught that, you feel guilt and fear. But guilt and fear do not open your connection to the Divine; they only serve to close your heart. The reality is that God's way is love, and you can see this for yourself.”
― The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
Letting go of yourself is the simplest way to get closer to others.
Imagine if you used relationships to get to know other people, rather than to satisfy what is blocked inside of you. If you’re not trying to make people fit into your preconceived notions of what you like and dislike, you will find that relationships are not really that difficult. If you’re not so busy judging and resisting people based upon what is blocked inside of you, you will find that they are much easier to get along with—and so are you. Letting go of yourself is the simplest way to get closer to others.
There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind - you are the one who hears it.
― Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
Sauteed Green Cabbage with a twist
I stir fried a head of chopped green cabbage in a frying pan with Adobo, olive oil and soy sauce and then I added dollops of homemade hummus added afterwards. It was warm and comforting and delicious. I said to my husband, This is like a Polish Middle Eastern interpretation of Fettuccine Alfredo. It was fabulous!
We heal by acknowledging our emotions and test our heart's resilience by lingering within the unbearable.
-Nick Cave, The Red Hand Files Issue #306 December 2024
A live concert can feel overwhelming, even frightening, because its emotional power can suddenly bring our most buried experiences to the surface. But feelings are meant to be felt - that's what they are for. We heal by acknowledging our emotions and test our heart's resilience by lingering within the unbearable. It is something music can help us do. We find our hearts are much stronger than we presumed, and what we thought was unbearable was nothing of the sort. Music draws forth these subterranean feelings and simultaneously rescues us from them.
-Nick Cave, The Red Hand Files Issue #306 December 2024
Teaching Adults how to SWIM
I had the best night of
teaching swimming ... I had a 2 hour nap ahead of class. Then I went
back to my Jane Katz swim book and reread the first chapter on breathing a few
times.
In the early class the engineer and his wife are ready for the Olympics! Truly! They have put
the pieces together since October and are swimming beautiful crawl and breast stroke.
They are dedicated and have been practicing.
In the 2nd class my younger
most shy students were smiling/laughing. We worked on flip turns. They
looked like ducks fishing with butts in the air while trying to flip which caused us all to
laugh very hard.
We did lots of bobbing to reinforce the strong push of air bubbles out the nose. "NO WATER can GET IN if you blow out hard."
I believe the laughing came from hyperventilating. Sheer oxygen!
Tuesday, December 10, 2024
Home Made Hummus
6 cups (a dried pound bag) of chickpeas soaked overnight and cooked to tender, and drained (save the broth)
2 Tbsp. fresh (cored) garlic
2 cups Sesame King Tahini Paste (available at Stop and Shop)
1 cup fresh lemon juice (3-4 large lemons)
4 Tbsp water or broth from cooking the chick peas
2 tsp. salt
sprinkle of cumin
Homemade HUMMUS can be FROZEN!!! We make this large batch and freeze it in small containers.
Letters
My mother wrote to my 5th grade teacher Miss Ringle and I had to deliver it. My lovely teacher cried after being scolded on paper. After I ran away from home I was a recipient of my mother's vicious rage letters. I learned to stop opening them.
On
the other hand writing and receiving wonderful letters is the perfect
shy person's medium. I LOVE to write letters versus phone calls or
actual visits any day. I have written fan letters to artists and writers
since I was 13. (I never expect a response but I enjoy writing them).
One artist became a friend of the family and he had my letter pinned up
over his mantle the day we visited him.
I am puzzled that cursive is no longer taught in school. What is a LOVE letter without cursive?
Monday, December 09, 2024
Dreamed about Step Mother number #3.
In the dream we were talking on the phone.
I always wondered in the fairy tales why the step mothers and
fathers were cruel. In my experience the step parents and step siblings
were kind and the "real" mother, father and sister were the cruel ones.
There must be some mistake, I thought.
It will insist on being told.
Sit and quiet yourself. Luxuriate in a certain memory and the details will come. Let the images flow. You’ll be amazed at what will come out on paper. I’m still learning what it is about the past that I want to write. I don’t worry about it. It will emerge. It will insist on being told.
FRANK McCOURT
Sunday, December 08, 2024
Dream
I dreamed I was calling Lily-dog and two other yellow Labradors showed up and I snuggled them. Then I saw Lily.
Saturday, December 07, 2024
Roasted Brussels Sprouts
So simple and delicious. Halve the Brussels sprouts and mix with olive oil and Adobo and roast in a preheated 450 degree oven. Great advice about roasting. https://pajamaliving.com/roasting-vegetables/
Hauntings and Musings
My haunted thoughts come at 3 AM, or 1 AM or 2 AM if I dare to drink coffee after 6 AM or eat dark chocolate late in the day.
My worst thoughts come during the day if I have not had a chance to SWIM or scribble them away in my spittoon notebook. This is probably why I am addicted to swimming laps. It's my hydro-psychotherapy.
Keeping a rambling head-noise notebook helps too. Walking makes me smile after a short few blocks. My chemistry is transformed by motion yet I require contemplative stillness to read and write and paint.
We are complicated creatures.
I love teaching adults how to breathe correctly while swimming. Perhaps they too will find their ticket to ZEN land.
Perhaps befriending the "noise" is part of finding peace.
Last night I slept so well I didn't know my name or what day it was when I woke up.
Do it because you need to.
An English teacher — the best I ever had — once told me that the only way to write was to abandon oneself to it completely. I have tried to follow that advice. My own advice to aspiring writers is to be prepared for an often difficult, unstable, and roller coaster kind of life. Don’t do it because it sounds cool, easy, or glamorous. Do it because you need to.
MATTHEW CARR
The Kitchen is ALIVE!
This morning at 4 AM I came downstairs to let Romeo out to pee in the yard and my two gallon bucket of mixed grain sourdough (oat wheat rye corn) had risen and overflowed onto the white enamel table top. I was able to punch it down and rescue the overflow bits.
Then, back in the kitchen, my two jars of sourdough rye which I had set out on the counter to incubate overnight were bubbling over so I tipped half of each jar of the active starter into my big bucket of dough, mixed it in, and started shaping it and placing it into my 18 greased mini loaf pans. I baked the bread at 450°.
Then I made hummus in the Cuisinart from a pound of cooked chick peas, freshly squeezed lemon juice, sesame tahini, fresh (cored) garlic, and a sprinkle of cumin and salt.
I just pureed the steamed vegetables leftover from last night (sweet potato, cabbage and onion) and warmed a bowl. It was a delicious breakfast porridge. All of my international students eat savory breakfasts too.
Friday, December 06, 2024
Panko Breaded Chicken Tenders with Pressure Cooked Cabbage, Onion & Sweet Potato
I sliced skinned boneless chicken breast (from Price Rite) to make tenders. I dredged them in whole wheat flour, egg, and whole wheat Panko. I fried them in olive oil and added Adobo and Cholula. Served them on top of steamed vegetables. Sliced oranges for dessert. So good!
try homemade Panko another version here. And last but not least
a sourdough version. https://simplicityandastarter.com/how-to-make-homemade-sourdough-breadcrumbs/
alchemy of observation, imagination, and personal experience
I don’t think writers should be worried about treading any lines between autobiography and fiction. You should write whatever you want to write. Once you label it fiction, it’s fiction, even if you give the protagonist a feeling you’ve felt, or your same hometown. All fiction is born out of some alchemy of observation, imagination, and personal experience.
RACHEL KHONG
Yard Sale by George Bilgere
Yard Sale
Someone is selling the Encyclopedia Britannica
in all its volumes,
which take up a whole card table.
It looks brand new, even though it must be sixty years old.
That's because it was only used a couple of times,
when the kids passed through fifth grade
and had to do reports on the Zambezi River
and Warren Harding.
Der Fuhrer was defunct.
The boys came home,
and everybody got the Encyclopedia Britannica,
which sat on the bookshelf
as they watched Gunsmoke
through a haze of Winstons.
Eventually
these people grew old
and were sent to a home
by the same children who once wrote
reports on Warren Harding.
And now the complete and unabridged
Encyclopedia Britannica,
bulging with important knowledge,
is sitting on a card table in a light rain.
AN IMPOSSIBLE LIFE By Rachael Siddoway and Sonja Wasden
I just read this book in 2 days. I loved it.
An award-winning and best-selling memoir, An Impossible Life, tells the powerful true account of one woman’s descent into depressive and manic episodes and how she found lifesaving therapy and medication to overcome and triumph.
When thirty-five-year-old Sonja Wasden is involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital by her husband and father, she is sure it is a mistake. Wife of a CEO, mother of three, living in a beautiful suburb, Sonja’s life appears ideal. How did she get here?
In this gripping and breathtaking narrative that makes the reader feel as though they are listening in on a private conversation, Sonja reveals her delusions and battles with mental illness, motherhood, and marriage. When all hope seems lost, this true story of perseverance is inspiring and unforgettable.
An Impossible Life is a lighthouse of hope and healing for all those facing an all-consuming mental illness, either for themselves or for someone they love. https://sonjawasden.com/book/
Okay Animals, BE CONSCIOUS!!!
Dialectical Behavior Therapy: DBT skills aim to help enhance one's capabilities in day-to-day life. The four skills a therapist will teach include:
- Mindfulness: This is the practice of being fully aware and focused in the present instead of worrying about the past or future.
- Distress tolerance: This involves understanding and managing your emotions in difficult or stressful situations without responding with harmful behaviors.
- Interpersonal effectiveness: This means understanding how to ask for what you want and need and setting boundaries while maintaining respect for yourself and others.
- Emotion regulation: This means understanding, being more aware of and having more control over your emotions.
Long Torso and Lap Swimming
When I received my car back from my mechanic, I had to adjust the seat as close as possible to the dashboard. This reminded me that my long torso is the reason why I am a swimmer.
Every swimmer has a balancing point in the water – known as the center of mass – and the closer it is to the center of flotation (the lungs), the easier it is for the body to float horizontally with little or no effort on the part of the athlete. Having the center of mass near the lungs is one of the main reasons why many elite swimmers have very long torsos often shaped like a triangle.
Having flexibility, especially in the shoulders and ankles, is a huge asset for swimmers and is a big asset in the search for the perfect swimmer’s body. Having flexible shoulders allows for swimmers to rotate their bodies while keeping their hold on the water in the long axis strokes. In the short axis strokes, swimmers with flexible shoulders are able to press their chest down more, thus lengthening their strokes and making them more efficient.
Eau de Chlorine
https://www.swimmingworldmagazine.com/news/10-ways-to-easily-spot-a-swimmer/
Sweatpants
This stylistic choice is a staple to the tired swimmer. Nice clothes? Who can be bothered with that when you’ve been awake for so many hours and the day is only just starting? Not some swimmers. Many swimmers can be seen out in the wild wearing their most comfy pair of sweatpants and a favourite hoodie, not caring about anyone’s opinions. I have definitely had times where I have worn the same outfit multiple days in a row, simply because it was easy and I didn’t have the energy to care.
For most people, exercise can have a positive effect on their mood. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which are known as the brain’s “feel-good” chemicals. Over time, higher levels of endorphins can make you feel better. This is why exercise is often recommended for people with depression. Exercise can also help you combat stress.
Thursday, December 05, 2024
You don't need Little League. You don't even need nine kids. Four is plenty-a pitcher, a batter, and a couple of shaggers. You can play ball all day long. My kids used to try to get me out there, but I'd just say, "Go play with your brothers." If kids want to do something, they'll do it. They don't need adults to do it for them. YOGI BERRA
Forgetting the Self
Zazen is not the practice of self-improvement, like a course in
making friends and influencing people. With earnest zazen, character
change does occur, but this is not a matter of ego-adjustment. It is
forgetting the self.
ROBERT AITKEN
What shall I say about poetry? What shall I say about those clouds, or about the sky? Look; look at them; look at it! And nothing more. Don't you understand that a poet can't say anything about poetry? Leave that to the critics and the professors. For neither you, nor I, nor any poet knows what poetry is. FEDERICO GARCIA LORCA
The Perfect Way is only difficult for those who pick and choose; do no like, do not dislike; all will then be clear. Make a hairbreadth difference, and Heaven and Earth are set apart. SENG TS'AN
Poem by Seng Ts’an (also written Sengcan)
I am reading this book called “Religions of Man”. It is a fascinating book and I will write the review later. I just finished up with Hinduism and Buddhism. Have another six religions to go.
This poem is by Seng Ts’an. As I was reading up about him in Wikipedia, found this amazing story of how he – well into his forties – met the monk who eventually became his teacher and gave him the name Seng Ts’an (gem monk). Their interaction (like many koans in Zen Buddhism) went something like this:
Seng Ts’an: I am riddled with sickness. Please absolve me of my sin.
Huike: Bring your sin here and I will absolve you.
Seng Ts’an (after a long pause): When I look for my sin, I cannot find it.
Huike: I have absolved you. You should live by the Buddha, the Dharma, and the SanghaAny way, the poem called “Trust in the Heart” goes the following way:
The Perfect Way is only difficult for those who pick and choose
Do not like, do not dislike, all will then be clear,
Make a hairbreadth difference, and Heaven and Earth are set apart;
If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against.
The struggle between “for” and “against” is the mind’s worst disease.
Do not try to drive pain away by pretending that it is not real;
Pain, if you seek serenity in Oneness, will vanish of its own accord.
Thoughts that are fettered turn from Truth,
Sink into the unwise habit of “not liking.”
“Not liking” brings weariness of spirit; estrangements serve no purpose.
The One is non other than the A; the All none other than the One.
Take your stand on this, and the rest will follow of its accord;
To trust in the Heart is the “Not Two”, the “Not Two’ is to trust in the Heart
I have spoken, but in vain; for what can words tell
Of things that have no yesterday, tomorrow or today.
Everyone has his own reality in which, if one is not too cautious, timid or frightened, one swims. This is the only reality there is.
― Henry Miller, Stand Still Like the Hummingbird
A book lying idle on a shelf is wasted ammunition. Like money, books must be kept in constant circulation... A book is not only a friend, it makes friends for you. When you have possessed a book with mind and spirit, you are enriched. But when you pass it on you are enriched threefold.
― Henry Miller, The Books in My Life
The only true obscenity is war.
Everybody says sex is obscene. The only true obscenity is war.
―
Tropic of Cancer
Every day we slaughter our finest impulses.
Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heartache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. there is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, only to discover what is already there.”
― Henry Miller
It started to feel like it could belong to us.
The Case for Staying Home (Alone!) for Christmas
When the holiday started feeling more like a duty than a delight, Katie Arnold-Ratliff and her husband decided to celebrate solo.For five years, I experienced Christmas through my windshield. I awoke at 8 a.m., dragged my then-boyfriend, Adam, out of bed, and merged us onto the 20-mile stretch of clogged interstate that would deliver us in succession to my dad's, Adam's parents', Adam's aunt's, and Adam's brother's; and finally, to my mom's for dinner. Fifteen hours later, we'd come home too cranky to do much more than collapse in front of Scrooged.
But our marriage, in 2005, emboldened us. We were a family now, and as much as we loved our relatives, we'd be damned if we'd spend one more holiday celebrating with everyone but each other. We decided to compromise: We'd make the rounds on Christmas morning but have dinner at home. Alone. When I broke this to my mom after Thanksgiving, there was a pained silence. but come December 25, Adam and I stayed strong, heading home before dark to roast a duck and make bûche du Noël. The shift was small but significant: Christmas no longer felt like a series of obligations into which our celebration could only be penciled in. It started to feel like it could belong to us.
The next year, we moved from California to New York. Too poor for cross-country plane tickets, we made our own holiday: dollar-store decorations, a few presents. We sent our parents photos of our tiny tree and snowy fire escape, and they told us they were glad we had each other to share Christmas with in the big city. We were glad, too. Our private holiday was a revelation. We sipped Champagne before noon. We dorked out on British comedy (Blackadder's Christmas Carol; The Office Christmas specials) and watched Home Alone (the irony!). We didn't go near our car—hell, we didn't go outside. Through the window we heard people piling their kids and gifts into taxis as we settled in for a long winter's nap. It was indeed the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.
It still is. Through our finances have improved, we still stay put in December. Our families don't ask about our plans anymore, but if they ever do, we'll tell them we can't wait to see them on Boxing Day, or New Year's, or in February, when New York is least tolerable. We'll tell them, too, that we're convinced everyone ought to have the right to design his or her own holiday. Neither of us can imagine trading our traditions—touring the Botanical Garden, visiting Arthur Avenue to hear Sinatra play from loudspeakers on the streetlights, making beef Bourguignonne on Christmas Eve—for crushing gridlock and gatherings at which our only contact would be an occasional wave across a crowded room. This time of year is about celebrating what matters to you most. For us, that's each other.
So if auntie Ethel wants to get rat-arsed on eggnog and then start shouting about politics
There is also the pressure to spend time with ‘loved ones’. We might despise these relatives, but have to pretend to get along with them.
So if auntie Ethel wants to get rat-arsed on eggnog and then start shouting about politics that you don’t agree with, you’re expected to just smile and let her get on with it – once again because, well, it’s Christmas.
This year, I am boycotting the whole affair. I am staying home alone, except for the company of my old dog, and not organising anything. Article
these are the thousand and one adulterants that weaken the strength of a sentence.
The secret of good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components. Every word that serves no function, every long word that could be a short word, every adverb that carries the same meaning that’s already in the verb, every passive construction that leaves the reader unsure of who is doing what—these are the thousand and one adulterants that weaken the strength of a sentence. And they usually occur in proportion to the education and rank.
WILLIAM ZINSSER
Bunny, Hawk and Plates
Tuesday night just as Bill let Romeo-dog out for a quick pee, I saw a huge bunny hop out from under the bush in the small yard. He disappeared under our gate. Yesterday I saw a hawk in the tree outside my bedroom window. Was he waiting for the bunny? I noticed that he had a dead mouse in his clutches. He flew over to the nest in the tree, his nest which is also in our yard.
Romeo was eager for another walk so at around 2PM we went out the front door all the way to Precious Blood Cemetery and then on the way back we crossed the street. I spotted a broken teacup in a milk crate being thrown out but then I saw beautiful antique Japanese hand painted milk pitcher and underneath were more Japanese hand painted dessert plates. I picked them out and carried them home. By this time I was only 8 houses away. After I washed them and spread them out on the kitchen counter I said to my husband, They look like they lived here all along. They do! Why is that? He asked. They are the same vintage as our kitchen."
Dream
I dreamed I was about to eat a bowl of sliced beets and bananas. The banana slices would turn pink from the beets. It might not taste bad. It would be colorful.
Wednesday, December 04, 2024
Hell's Mezzanine
My made-up definition:
The span of November, through January holidays.
Definition. A mezzanine is an intermediate floor (or floors) in a building which is open to the floor below. It is placed halfway (mezzo means 'half' in Italian) up the wall on a floor which has a ceiling at least twice as high as a floor with minimum height.
*Language is Freedom
For me, language is a freedom. As soon as you have found the words with which to express something, you are no longer incoherent, you are no longer trapped by your own emotions, by your own experiences; you can describe them, you can tell them, you can bring them out of yourself and give them to somebody else. That is an enormously liberating experience, and it worries me that more and more people are learning not to use language; they’re giving in to the banalities of the television media and shrinking their vocabulary, shrinking their own way of using this fabulous tool that human beings have refined over so many centuries into this extremely sensitive instrument. I don’t want to make it crude, I don’t want to make it into shopping-list language, I don’t want to make it into simply an exchange of information: I want to make it into the subtle, emotional, intellectual, freeing thing that it is and that it can be.
JEANETTE WINTERSON
Tuesday, December 03, 2024
Time is a good editor
Time is a good editor — leave a poem for five minutes, five hours, five days, five weeks, five months. If it still feels right after five months, if nothing troubles me when I read it through, it will probably stay as it is. But sometimes it might take five years.
JANE HIRSHFIELD
Monday, December 02, 2024
Can You Imagine a mother that wanted you to be sick and possibly kill you, so SHE could feel powerful?
Imagine a mother that wanted you to be sick and possibly kill you, so SHE could feel powerful? This mother invented illnesses and hunted for doctors to perform unnecessary surgeries on her daughter. The story continues because the other daughter of this monster-mother is perpetuating the false the myth that all of this was necessary and is thereby holding the torch for this woman's evil behavior, continuing the desire for illness. This is my original family, the one I escaped.
Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Learning how to eat right, reduce stress, exercise regularly, and take a time-out when you need it are touchstones of self-care and can help you stay healthy, happy, and resilient.
source https://www.studenthealth.virginia.edu/well-being/well-being-guides/taking-care-yourself
Emotional well-being is a person’s ability to accept and manage feelings through challenge and change. To develop emotional well-being, we need to build emotional skills—including positive thinking, emotional regulation and mindfulness.
“Taking care of myself means making sure that what I’m doing is healthy and enjoyable. This includes a lot of taking adequate alone time to recharge but also socializing when I want to, as well as establishing boundaries. Paying attention to what I feel when I am doing certain things and being aware of whether those interactions are negative or positive for me is crucial for my well-being.” - L.F., Class of 2022
Self-Care
Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Learning how to eat right, reduce stress, exercise regularly, and take a time-out when you need it are touchstones of self-care and can help you stay healthy, happy, and resilient.
- Check in with yourself, mentally and physically. Some ways to check-in with yourself include: in-between classes finding time to reflect, journaling and meditation. You can practice mindfulness anytime, while walking, eating, or even washing laundry.
- Create a sleep hygiene routine. Try adopting a consistent bedtime, having a comfortable sleeping environment, and managing your time before bed to feel proud of the work you did accomplish. See our Healthy Sleep Guide for more information.
- Healthy phone habits/hygiene. Some ways to create healthier phone habits include: leaving your phone is a separate room or location for meals and work time, incorporating non-digital activities into your daily routine, and turning your phone on grayscale. See our Virtual Well-Being Guide for more information.
Develop a Growth Mindset
Your mindset impacts your ability to empower yourself towards success, reduce stress, and when we’re feeling good within ourselves we form better connections with others.
- Practice makes it better. An easy place to start is with gratitude, spend 5 minutes at the end of each day reflecting on the things you’re grateful for.
- Learn from your mistakes and failures. Practice self-compassion, find the lesson, and move forward knowing next time will be better because of what you now know.
- Give yourself a break. You’ll be amazed at how much better you work after 10 minutes of doing nothing.
Sense of Meaning and Purpose
This is the motivation that drives you toward a satisfying future. Cultivating a sense of meaning and purpose helps you get the most from the things you do and achieve—large and small—right now.
- Reflect on academics. Take the time to reflect upon whether or not this path is the best one for you. Ask yourself: why is this important to me?
- Reflect on your involvements. Join things that you are passionate about, rather than looking for a resume booster. You only have four years, make them count.
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- Student Resources
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- Emotional Well-being and Health
- How to Find Your Purpose
- How to Build Resilience
- Self-Care Routine
- Healthy Phone Habits
All the more reason to squeeze in a quick walk, run, swim, or bike ride,—even when you don’t feel like it.
Our brains have a higher risk of anxiety and depression.
Our brains have trouble seeing the bright side.
Our brains struggle to solve problems.
Our brains develop self-deprecating thought patterns.
Our brains can't manage stress as well.
“They were gone and I missed them but even so I was very happy. For the rest of my life no matter where on this planet earth I went and no matter how scared or confused I got, I could wait until dark and look up into the night sky and see my three friends again and my heart would swell with love of them and make me strong and clearheaded.” Russell Banks
“When you have never done a thing before and that thing is not simply
and clearly right or wrong, you frequently do not know if it is a cruel
thing, you just go ahead and do it. Maybe later you'll be able to
determine whether you acted cruelly. Too late, of course, but at least
you'll know.”
―
The Angel on the Roof
“One of the most difficult things to say to another person is, I hope
that you will love me for no good reason. But it is what we all want and
rarely dare to say to one another – to our children, to our parents and
mates, to our friends, and to strangers. Especially to strangers, who
have neither good nor bad reasons to love us. And it’s why we tell each
other stories that we pray will be transformed in the telling by that
angel on the roof, made believable and about us all, no matter who we
are to one another and who we are not.”
―
The Angel on the Roof
“It's like a crime is an act that when you've committed one the act is
over and you haven't changed inside. But when you commit a sin it's like
you create a condition that you have to live in.”
―
Rule of the Bone
“We are the planet, fully as much as water, earth, fire and air are the planet, and if the planet survives, it will only be through heroism. Not occasional heroism, a remarkable instance of it here and there, but constant heroism, systematic heroism, heroism as governing principle.” ― Russell Banks, Continental Drift
“What you believe matters, however. It’s all anyone has to act on.
And since what you do is who you are, your actions define you. If you
don’t believe anything is true simply because you can’t logically prove
what’s true, you won’t do anything. You won’t be anything. You’ll end up
spending your life in a rocking chair looking out at the horizon
waiting for an answer that never comes. You might as well be dead. It’s
an old philosophical problem.”
They're Photographs
“All those happy, pretty, successful people- he hated them because
he knew they didn't really exist, and he hated even more the magazine
that glorified them and in a way that made them exist, actors, rock
musicians, famous writers, politicians. Those aren't people, he fumed, they're photographs.”
As my own emotional life has become a little bit less tangled and turbulent and conflicted, I've been able, as a writer, to approach the characters and the world that they live in more directly. As a novelist, I have access to certain tools and strategies—for lack of a better word—that perhaps a person normally doesn't have just because, for instance, memory is a crucial novelist tool that has to be cultivated and preserved. And so I'm forced again and again through that to go back to my own childhood.
RUSSELL BANKS
Write all the time. I believe in writing every day, at least a thousand words a day. We have a strange idea about writing: that it can be done, and done well, without a great deal of effort. Dancers practice every day, musicians practice every day, even when they are at the peak of their careers – especially then. Somehow, we don’t take writing as seriously. But writing – writing wonderfully – takes just as much dedication.
THEODORA GOSS
A novel, in its truest form, is a questioning of what it means to be human, of what a life is. But what makes it different from, say, a work of philosophical inquiry is, among other things, the way it uses (or misuses, or differently uses) language and, second, the particular sense of discomfiture it can provide. Not that a novel needs to disturb or dismay or unsettle in order to mesmerize or provoke, but it does, or should, force us to reconsider, to rethink. The fiction writer’s bravery, then, is her dedication to never second-guessing the reader, even at the risk of her own book’s likability; the reader’s bravery is allowing himself to trust the writer, to surrender himself to the world she has created.
HANYA YANAGIHARA
To receive, you must be active. Keep in mind your purpose.
“A Spiritual Warrior looks for the most efficient and effective
way to accomplish something -- the most direct way is a living truth.”
― Spiritual Warrior: The Art of Spiritual Living
― Spiritual Warrior: The Art of Spiritual Living
“To receive, you must be active. Keep in mind your purpose. You
will receive in direct proportion to your clarity of vision, your
definiteness of purpose, the steadiness of your faith, and the depth of
your gratitude.”
― Spiritual Warrior: The Art of Spiritual Living
― Spiritual Warrior: The Art of Spiritual Living
I am convinced that all of the negative things we hear or do, or that other people do, boil down to two primary motivations: I want to give love and I want to receive love. Then why not, right this moment, steel ourselves against failure, against subterfuge, against deception, and cut straight to love? John-Roger, Spiritual Warrior: The Art of Spiritual Living
“The darkness transformed the moment you accepted it, and all the power that was blocking you before now becomes the power of ascension, of upliftment. When you feel really negative and you talk about it—not as a victim but as a way of facing the enemy and loving it—you are saying, “Out of God come all things.” All things. That includes the negative things, too. Negative doesn’t mean bad; we make things bad by judging them.” ― John-Roger, Spiritual Warrior: The Art of Spiritual Living
Sunday, December 01, 2024
Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all.
Richard P. Feynman
Students don't need a perfect teacher. Students need a happy teacher, who's gonna make them excited to come to school and grow a love for learning.
The goal of teaching should not be to help the students learn how to memorize and spit out information under academic pressure. The purpose of teaching is to inspire the desire for learning in them and make them able to think, understand, and question.
You won't learn anything if you think you know everything already.
Basically, the dumber you are, the smarter you think you are and vice versa.
You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It's their mistake, not my failing.
Genius doesn’t come from knowing all the answers—it comes from embracing uncertainty and following where it leads.
If you have a theory, you must try to explain what’s good and what’s bad about it equally. In science, you learn a kind of standard integrity and honesty.
Great teaching is like jazz—it’s spontaneous, responsive, and deeply connected to the moment.
Education is not about filling your mind with facts; it’s about sparking curiosity and fostering the ability to think critically.
Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough.
Students should be made to think, to doubt, to communicate, to question, to learn from their mistakes, and most importantly have fun in their learning.
If your theory doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong. It doesn't matter how beautiful it is.
Learning is the art of turning information into insight.
I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned.
Educate yourself about things. Study hard what interests you the most. Don't worry about what others think of you, that's none of your business. Train your mind to think, doubt, and question. That's how you grow.
Richard Feynman
Glimmers or Golden Moments
My Great-Grandfather called them GOLDEN MOMENTS.
Glimmers are those tiny, seemingly insignificant moments when you feel a sense of joy, pleasure, peace, and gratitude. They’re often catalyzed by simple, daily things like petting an animal, taking a hot shower, or listening to the rain outside your window. Article
Saturday, November 30, 2024
Dr. John’s Tangerines
According to my records, the great Mac Rebennack – better known to the world as Dr. John the Night Tripper – turns 70 today. I actually got to meet the Dr. a few years back when he and his band (including the wonderfully named Renard Poché) stayed at the hotel where I was posing as a desk clerk. He was very gracious and his people gave me free tickets to the shows; it was a real bright spot in an otherwise less than stellar period of my life.
In his honor, here’s an excerpt from his autobiography Under a Hoodoo Moon where he describes how he finally kicked heroin after many, many, many years. There’s something striking and poetic about it, if’n you ask me:
…that happened again and again during my halfhearted rehab attempts: I straightened up for a while , but sooner or later I ran into some Chang Moi rocks and it was off to the races, another four years of getting strung out like a fucking guinea pig.
What changed that all around was an experience I had when I wound up in a cardiac ward. I had been suffering some chest pains, which later proved to be nothing major, and I was lying in this bed, hooked up to tubes and wires, when I noticed that the guy in the bed next to me was getting shots of Demerol and morphine every couple of hours. I pulled all the wires and tubes out of myself and began planning how to follow the nurse, with the intention of knocking off the narcotics box. I knew I’d get busted if I did it, but that was the last thing I was worried about.But just as I was about to put myself in gear, this one particular spiritual nurse walked in with a bag of tangerines. She saw I’d pulled all my tubes out, but she was cool about it – she didn’t say a word. Instead, she asked, “Want a tangerine?”
I took it.
Until that time, nothing had stayed in my stomach since I had been in the hospital. But I bit into the tangerine, and it tasted so good. And it stayed down. I ate three of them, and they all stayed down. And it was something about just those sweet, juicy tangerines, at just that moment, that made me decide to try and square up and clean up my act.
And every time thereafter, when my roomie got his Demerol and morphine, this nurse would pop up with her tangerines and good company. I never got a chance to reconsider.
The TOXIC FAMILY Escape Plan
It is important to remember that it is not uncommon to dislike members of your family. Not liking your family does not make you a bad person. In some cases, you can still maintain relationships with people even if you may not necessarily like them.
Just Say No. Managing anger over the holidays requires you to say “No” from time to time. If you don’t feel like participating in a particular family event, then you need to assertively state your desire to skip the family event this year. Saying “yes” to things you don’t want to do will only trigger your anger more.
What is a toxic family member?
Toxic family members can be hard to spot. But one tell-tale sign that you’ve got a toxic family member often lies in how you are made to feel after an interaction with them. Sometimes we don’t realize they are the cause of it until it is pointed out to us. Then, it can be difficult to unsee the toxicity.
A toxic person will display one or more of these behaviours on a regular basis:
They stir the pot. This means they cause division between other family members and pit family members against each other. They might exaggerate something someone said about you or flat out lie. They might bring up topics about others they know will upset you. This includes gossip.
They refuse to speak to you. You get the silent treatment, especially if there has been a disagreement. This is a form of emotional control and manipulation.
They lie. Toxic family members will often deny their part in any disagreement or event which would put them in a bad light. They do not seem concerned in reconciliation or honesty, but only self-preservation and deflection.
They manipulate. It seems to be that no matter what you say or do it always ends up that you are in the wrong. They tell half-truths and then turn the tables on you. They might call you overly sensitive or make you feel like you are the one that is the issue (gaslighting).
They are passive aggressive. Passive-aggressive toxic people are sometimes the most difficult to spot because they don’t get obviously angry but they quietly demean you and create conflict without a scene. A passive-aggressive family member will make back-handed comments meant to unsettle you.
They are aggressive. An aggressive toxic family member will get angry, yell, swear and sometimes physically hit others, damage property or threaten to hurt others. These individuals are easy to spot, but sometimes behaviour is dismissed by others in the family. Beware, this is toxic.
They ignore boundaries. No matter what boundaries you set, this individual will find a way to make themselves an exception or guilt you for having set them. Or, they will ignore them all together and carry on with behaviours they know that you are not okay with. People who ignore boundaries show a lack of respect and belittle you.
It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn.
“Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the
standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks
you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I
have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed
to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing
yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or
fifteen thousand lives now.”
―
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes
“We are
Born like this
Into this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings
Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it’s cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charge so much it’s cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes”
―
Charles Bukowski, Women
Nothing was ever in tune. People just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, zen, surfing, ballet, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, biking, herbs, Catholicism, weight-lifting, travel, withdrawal, vegetarianism, India, painting, writing, sculpting, composing, conducting, backpacking, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, hanging around, frozen yogurt, Beethoven, Back, Buddha, Christ, TM, H, carrot juice, suicide, handmade suits, jet travel, New York City, and then it all evaporated and fell apart. People had to find things to do while waiting to die. I guess it was nice to have a choice.
Charles Bukowski, Women
Boring damned people.
Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them. Charles Bukowski
If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is. Charles Bukowski, What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire
Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way. Charles Bukowski
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
―
―
“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt
suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all --
but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure
what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that
room. In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered
with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being
at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that
I might feel loneliness. I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the
most alone." I've never thought, "Well, some beautiful blonde will come
in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I'll feel good." No,
that won't help. You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night,
what are you going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's
nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid
people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the
need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want
to hide in factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've
never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I
have. Let's drink more wine!”
―
―
Death will Tremble to take us
For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are
answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula,
the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions
and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a
dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the
church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We
are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our
lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
―
Ludwig Feuerbach, Lectures on the Essence of Religion
“Though I myself am an atheist, I openly profess religion in the
sense just mentioned, that is, a nature religion. I hate the idealism
that wrenches man out of nature; I am not ashamed of my dependency on
nature; I openly confess that the workings of nature affect not only my
surface, my skin, my body, but also my core, my innermost being, that
the air I breathe in bright weather has a salutary effect not only on my
lungs but also on my mind, that the light of the sun illumines not only
my eyes but also my spirit and my heart. And I do not, like a
Christian, believe that such dependency is contrary to my true being or
hope to be delivered from it. I know further that I am a finite moral
being, that I shall one day cease to be. But I find this very natural and am therefore perfectly reconciled to the thought.”
failed to give him what he really and truly desires
Christianity set itself the goal of fulfilling man’s unattainable desires, but for that very reason ignored his attainable desires. By promising man eternal life, it deprived him of temporal life, by teaching him to trust in God’s help it took away his trust in his own powers; by giving him faith in a better life in heaven, it destroyed his faith in a better life on earth and his striving to attain such a life. Christianity gave man what his imagination desires, but for that very reason failed to give him what he really and truly desires.
― Ludwig Feuerbach, Lectures on the Essence of Religion
When Dostoevsky was a prisoner in Siberia, far from the world, between four walls and surrounded by endless snow-desolate plains, and asked for help in a letter to his distant family, he only said: "Send me books, books, many books so that my soul does not die! He was cold and asked not for fire, he was very thirsty and asked not for water: he asked for books, that is, horizons, that is, stairs to climb to the summit of the spirit and heart. Federico Garcia Lorca
Thanksgiving. It proved you had survived another year
Thanksgiving. It proved you had survived another year with its wars, inflation, unemployment, smog, presidents. It was a grand neurotic gathering of clans: loud drunks, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, screaming children, would-be suicides. And don’t forget indigestion. I wasn’t different from anyone else: there sat the 18 pound bird on my sink, dead, plucked, totally disemboweled. Iris would roast it for me.
Charles Bukowski
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