An Uncontrollable Universe

Wife: It saddens me that my friends and their kids will jump on airplanes and fly across the globe but will not come to my house for tea.

Husband: It is much safer to jump on a plane.

Wife: Really?

Husband: They can control the situation.

Wife: Am I that scary?

Husband: Yes. They can't control the situation. So they won't submit.

Wife: Don't they know they can't control the universe?

Husband: Yes, but they need the illusion to feel safe. These are people who are in emotional pain a great deal of the time. They think that if they can control the universe the pain will let up.

Wife: Perhaps I do too. That's why I obsessively write in my notebook and walk my dog for miles.

Husband: That's different from controlling. That's having your routine, your work. You like to take a walk and submit to the adventure, the people you encounter, conversations you hear. You do the same thing in your work. And you know how terrifying that is. You tell me all the time that you have no idea where you are going with your painting and your writing, but you keep leaping. You submit to the adventure.

Wife: But I'm in emotional pain half the time too. That's why I must do my work.
I thought people didn't come over because we don't have heat.

Husband: Nope, they still wouldn't come. They don't come in the summer.

Wife: When people have to jump on an airplanes to reach us then they come see us.

Husband: That's different. They're in travel-mode. They're on the adventure-of-their-vacation.

Wife: Once in a blue moon we'll get a visit from from friends living in another country but not our friends from around here. They'd rather e-mail than walk 3 blocks.

Husband: It's safer.

Wife: So it's not really about me. It's about them.

Husband: What our life is about is terrifying to people.