“You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't
even help you. You need to go to like Vienna or something. You know what
I mean? You need to get involved at the University level. Like where
Freud studied and have all those people looking at you and checking up
on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty
bucks. No. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the
clock thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the
way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talking about
because that's the only way you're going to get better.”
―
“You know the message you're sending out to the world with these
sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in
normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.”
―
―
“Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.”
―
―
“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a
war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that
little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon
there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get
past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got
the toe clippers right here.”
―
―
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”
―
―
“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty
violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain
all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should
get rid of the body before you do the wash.”
―
―
“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
―
―
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