Mail Order

Erica knew her step-mother was a robot because when anything really important happened she could smell the overheated electronic odor of circuitry going haywire. That's why she always sent her father to parent-teacher meetings. She'd tell people that her step-mother had cancer and was undergoing treatments. It's not too far from the truth, she told herself. But she felt like she was carrying a burden that she couldn't share with anyone, not even her father.

Her real mother left in the middle of the night when she and her little sister Abby were young. Her father said it was for the best but she knew he was distraught, panicked, and grieving all at once. On top of it he had to quickly figure out how to raise Erica and Abby by himself. Money wasn't the problem, know-how and courage were. Erica's dad decided to send away for a mail-order bride.

Are you with me? My father was willing to order a wife by mail. Okay, well that didn't work out at all, as you can imagine. The first week the mail order bride, M.O.B. I called her, tried to drown us in the bathtub. That night when our father came home we nearly tackled him at the front door. 'Help us, help us, she tried to drown us!' we shouted in unison. M.O.B. told him we were unruly children and should be frightened into good behavior. Meaning we should be held under water, right? Dad called the agency and made immediate arrangements to send her back. The next morning she put something in our breakfast cereal so we would become sleepy and not bother her and dad during the long drive to the airport. She drugged us!

My dad was traumatized as you can imagine and of course we were too. Shortly after M.O.B. was fired my dad introduced us to his new wife Cynthia. I couldn't believe my eyes. She was beautiful and friendly. She had glossy straight black hair down to her shoulders and perfect teeth. She'd read to us or play games or watch TV, whatever we wanted. She never raised her voice or got angry at us. She was always calm and made our favorite foods for dinner. She even let us make popcorn and watch movies on weekends. One night I was sitting right next to her showing her a cat video on my phone and I noticed her face had no peach fuzz or freckles. Another night I caught a whiff of that rubberized plastic smell that all of my sister's dolls have. I finally realized why she was so perfect. She wasn't even human, she was a mail order robot!