Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Mood Eyes

It's lovely when a person doesn't run away when I tell them I am cyclothymique. My own family of origin rejects me. I am self conscious because I am either SUPER HUMAN or SUICIDAL. So I feel as though I can't be a very good friend except to my dog. The CURE is to walk a lot, be physical to LIFT up or TAMP DOWN. Perhaps I should've been a ditch digger instead of an artist. No, I am joking. I would DIE if I didn't have a dog to walk daily. But that said it all goes into my writing. My mother was born this way but she took amphetamines (speed as diet pills) and Valium (the suburban 70's drug, and anti-anxiety relaxant). She never drank but the pills wreaked havoc on her roller coaster emotions. My uncle, my mothers brother, had psychotic "break" and got shock treatments at age 16. The more I look, the more I see. These things are inherited.

Today I was on my way home from the library when I met a very sweet radiant woman with blue eyes. She was downtown near Chelo's and she stopped to pet Lily. She was very petite and pretty and had big Frankenstein boots on. She told me her dog saved her life. She told me that RI Hospital had taken her in because she was very sick (heart, thyroid, Lyme disease) but she had no insurance. They said "There's nothing we can do but we need to watch you."
"Watch me die? I need to get home to take care of my dog. Right away I got better being at home with Zack and I found a doctor in Boston.
The doctor who saved my life was murdered last year," she said.

You have two colors of blue in your eyes, I said. You have light blue and dark blue around the rim, I've never seen that before.
"Yes my friends tell me that they get all black when I am angry, she said.
Ah, yes, mood eyes!

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