Jonathan Capehart

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Doug Emhoff is the antidote to toxic masculinity

By Jonathan Capehart

Columnist|

March 4, 2023 at 12:43 p.m. EST

Vice President Harris listens as her husband, Doug Emhoff, speaks in the East Room of the White House on Sept. 30. (Susan Walsh/AP)

This Women’s History Month, I want to celebrate a man: Doug Emhoff.

In American politics, we are not accustomed to seeing men sacrifice their careers for powerful female spouses. At the White House level, we’ve never seen it before at all.

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As the husband of Vice President Harris, Emhoff has the title of second gentleman. With that comes a host of duties once performed by female spouses. But as the first man in this role, he is not only shattering perceptions of gender roles; he is also taking a sledgehammer to toxic masculinity.

When Emhoff and Harris married in 2014, he was a high-powered lawyer at a Los Angeles firm. She was attorney general of California. When Harris was elected to the Senate in 2016, Emhoff stayed rooted in California while Harris made the bicoastal commute. But when Joe Biden chose Harris as his running mate, Emhoff took a leave from his firm to hit the campaign trail. And when Biden and Harris won, Emhoff left the firm to be by Harris’s side.

“He had a thriving legal career. Women give those up or scale back constantly in hetero relationships,” NBC News Capitol Hill correspondent Ali Vitali said of Emhoff. Her book “Electable: Why America Hasn’t Put a Woman in the White House . . . Yet” is about the gendered double standards women face in politics. “He’s trailblazing in that effect on a big stage."

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Emhoff is very conscious of this. “I want more Kamala Harrises in the future,” he told me during a recent interview at his White House office. "And I want to do as good a job as I can to try to set as good an example as I can, so some other person out there might say, ‘Hey, that Doug Emhoff guy was very supportive. If my partner is like that, I’m going to throw my name into the ring and run for something.’”

In addition to being the first second gentleman, Emhoff is the first Jewish spouse of a president or vice president. With rising antisemitism at home and abroad, he has become the administration’s leading voice decrying hate.

“It’s not just a Jewish issue, it’s an issue for all of us. I’m going to continue to lean in, and speak up, speak out, and call out those who stay silent,” Emhoff said. This was a day before Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel revealed that she and other Jewish state elected officials had been targeted for murder by a man arrested by the FBI.

Emhoff’s thoughts on toxic masculinity have gotten less attention.

“We’ve kind of confused what it means to be a man, what it means to be masculine. You’ve got this trope out there that you’ve got to be tough and angry and lash out to be strong. It’s just the opposite,” he said. “Strength is how you show your love for people. Strength is how you are for people and how you have their back. And how you stick up for other people and [push back] against bullies.” Hear! Hear!

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Emhoff famously jumped into action in 2019 when someone stormed the stage during an event Harris was doing. That moment is among many that show why Emhoff has become a popular part of the Biden-Harris administration. But really it boils down to one simple thing: He deeply loves his wife. Emhoff doesn’t just wear his affection for Harris on his sleeve; ask him about her, and his eyes will glisten, as they did several times when we talked.

“You got someone who is a public servant, not a politician. She has spent every minute of every day of her professional life serving the people. That’s it,” Emhoff said. “She accomplishes so much. ... To the extent people think I’m good at this role, it’s because I get to watch her. She’s awesome.”

Sure, the cynics among us will discount such talk from one spouse about a political partner, and everyone is welcome to do that. But really it’s irrelevant to the broader point about the role Emhoff has embraced so fully. Although he’s not the first man to put his wife’s career ahead of his own, Emhoff is the first to do so at this level. With every activity he does, he chips away at our calcified notions of power, gender and masculinity.

The full impact of his example might not be seen for a while, but he’s starting to hit a nerve. Ever since his comments on toxic masculinity were publicized, conservative commentators have lost it. And channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw, I can’t help but wonder: Why are they so triggered by a man with the confidence to tell the truth?