“is it normal to dread the holidays?”It is completely understandable to feel frustrated

 The gathering feels exhausting before it even starts.

Family holiday stress signals that something isn’t working well for you – your needs aren’t being met.  

The holidays get hard when we haven’t learned how to establish boundaries with family. Most of us grew up learning that “family comes first” – which meant: “sacrifice your own needs so other people can be happy.”

 https://yourparentingmojo.com/set-boundaries-family-holidays/

It is completely understandable to feel frustrated; 40 years is a long time to carry the burden of travel, and a healthy dynamic requires reciprocity. To finally break the pattern, clearly communicate your new boundary well in advance and offer a firm, low-stress alternative for this year's holidays.