Determined

We started the run early and it was cold for the first time this fall. We didn’t talk. For six miles, we ran and grunted. I complained absently about pains in my feet and hips and shoulders. But I didn’t have real pain; I just couldn’t stop thinking about my aunt.

Then I remembered something I’d read about making your workout an offering, nearly like a prayer. I assessed my situation. Sure, I was tired out from working and making the hour-long trip back and forth from the hospital. But I was outside, using all my limbs, breathing on my own. I decided making an offering was better than complaining. I started to dedicate each mile to my aunt, and I hoped, somewhere in the cosmos, that it would help her in some way.

Running did not get easier, but I grew more determined.

At mile 10, we stopped back at the car and fueled up and I grabbed my headphones and some music. My mind was wandering, and I wanted to take those last hours to focus on the run. I also wanted to make sure I got through the whole workout. I put on my half marathon race day playlist from last year, and my feet felt fresh. I sang along and slogged through each mile. Each time I made it through, I held up one arm, sending it upward, very literally offering it up. Yes, I’m sure I looked crazed. I didn’t care.

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