Thursday, May 25, 2017

Approachable Small Steps

I'm so relieved that it's raining today because the neighborhood is quiet for the first day in weeks. Amen to that. After lingering at my desk this morning, I was hesitant to swim but I reminded myself that one lap is enough. I had a transformation during the swim and kept going. Then later I was reluctant to play my horn and I reminded myself that one song is enough and I had an enjoyable practice.

Receive mode is a slog but when I steady myself in a routine and proceed in spite of my mood I feel a subtle reward. Perhaps it's from following through on the commitment to myself. Occasionally I am surprised at the transformations that occur for example when I am resisting the most and I go ahead and try anyway, like today.

I read an article about a guy who wanted athletics back in his life. So asked himself to do one push-up each day and little by little he was able to make a fitness routine but he had to start with just one pushup to make it approachable.

Perhaps receive-mode feels so damned and transmit-mode feels so inspired but both scenarios are irrelevant distractions better known as moods. It's just that I feel them both so vividly. I need to muscle through the blanket of mood with a firm loving-kindness so I can learn to trust my strength and courage.

The tricky balance for me is not allowing these activities to become weapons of judgement to earn approval and self-respect. I must remind myself that they are both tools and a privilege. This is why one step has to be enough.