Monday, July 10, 2017

The Gyn Exam

I doubt anyone really looks forward to their gyn exam or their colonoscopy for that matter. I am pretty phobic about 'the medical' as I was abused by my mother who used doctors in her ploy. That's a long story for another day.

I arrived at the gyn center and noticed that it was next to a tarot card and fortunetelling business on a commercial highway. When I arrived I filled out the paperwork including threats and punishments on page 5. Missed appointment - $55. I'd never seen that before!

I was greeted by a student who was representing the NP. The student nervously interviewed me and told me the NP 'will be right with you.' The NP came in and watched the student try to deal with my anatomy, unsuccessfully. Then the NP took over and had an equally tough time trying to find my super-tilted uterus. Years ago one doctor had asked me, "Are you sure you have a uterus?" He was making light of the fact that it was difficult, and I laughed. It still bothered me though. "When was the last time you had sex?" the NP asked, annoyed by the difficulty I was apparently causing her. Why should I tell you, I thought, you have not exactly won my trust. And I'm the one here who is in pain. "Use it or lose it," she advised me.

When it was over the NP told me I needed a mammogram and a gyn exam every year. "My DOCTOR says every 3 years," I volunteered. She ignored me, and went ahead and sent an order in for a mammogram to my clinic. Which I will ignore.

When I got out to the lobby there were two very pregnant ladies in the waiting room sitting next to my husband. I had asked him to come with me for support and I was so glad I did. I was still in shock on the way home and and I told him what had transpired. He was furious.
"Well I'm going to write about this. The pen is mightier than the speculum," I said. I have heard horror stories from other women about gyn exams. My husband asked, "Who said 'When a writer is born into a family, the family is finished.'?"
"Czeslaw Milosz," I said, beaming.