Children don’t have obligations to their parents merely by virtue of being biologically related.

Children don’t have obligations to their parents merely by virtue of being biologically related. Those obligations arise only from a proper relationship with them. With deeper ties come expectations. Because you find your interactions with your birth mother unpleasant, you already have one reason not to go on with a relationship; creating an unwanted form of dependency is another. So far, she hasn’t asked for your help. By limiting your interactions with her, you won’t lead her to think that she’s in a position to do so. Whatever assistance you provide will be a decision, not a duty. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/20/magazine/autism-friend-ethics.html

My father-in-law verbally and emotionally abused his late wife of over 50 years. I didn’t know the extent of the abuse until after she died, and have since learned it was far worse than I could imagine.

Now, less than a year after his wife died, he is engaged to be married. It has been a difficult year for us, his family. We miss our matriarch. Now we have to see this man spoil his new fiancée with gifts and kindness. She says he’s the sweetest man she’s ever met. From what I know about domestic violence, it is likely he will fall back into the same old patterns once they are married. Do I have an obligation to tell this woman she’s engaged to a scary and abusive man? Name Withheld

Tell her what you know; she is entitled to the facts, and you should be as clear and specific as you can about the abuse your mother-in-law suffered. But understand that this woman will make her own judgment about what her partner’s past behavior means for her.

Don’t be surprised if she takes little notice of what you have to say. Among other things, she may suspect that you are driven by your devotion to the late family matriarch. And she is no doubt in love with your father-in-law and enjoys being pampered.

In the end, it’s not up to you to protect her from her choices; all you can do is ensure that her choices are informed ones. Even if she ignores your warnings now, they could be helpful to her in the future should the relationship take a nasty turn.

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Kwame Anthony Appiah teaches philosophy at N.Y.U. His books include “Cosmopolitanism,” “The Honor Code” and “The Lies That Bind: Rethinking Identity.” To submit a query: Send an email to ethicist@nytimes.com. Want the Ethicist directly in your inbox? Subscribe to our new newsletter at nytimes.com/ethicist. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/20/magazine/autism-friend-ethics.html