Judy Collins

In her books, Collins is open about her personal struggles. She tried to commit suicide when she was 15 by taking 100 tablets of aspirin, she says. She struggled for years with depression and alcoholism. "Alcohol is a depressant, which no one told me at the time," she says.

She was drinking from her son's early childhood until he was 19, "a long time to subject him to many imperfect actions, to be a devoted mother but be a shambles at times," she writes.

She loved Clark. "He was special, lovable, kind, beautiful. At times I loved him more than I thought I could bear. I had wept with worry, with anxiety, in that love."

Collins tried to do the right thing by her son, but they went through some rocky times. Clark struggled with drugs and alcohol during his adolescence and early adulthood. (Collins and Clark's father divorced when her son was a child; she has since remarried.)

After his suicide, which was similar to the suicide of Clark's paternal grandfather, Collins was heartbroken. She writes: "I was beyond devastation. I wanted to die, to pack it in, call it a day, call it quits, stop in my tracks. … Now he was gone. I could not see a way to live beyond that terrible day."

She says that when you first come out of "the shock of the horrible loss, you think everything is over … and you'll never have a happy life."

But singing, writing about the tragedy and talking to others about the catastrophes in their lives helped her cope.

She also drew on her faith: She was raised Methodist and turns to God in prayer: "He can bring us hope when there is despair." She also meditates and practices yoga. She follows the practice of Self-Realization Fellowship, a Yogananda spiritual path.

At the time of Clark's death, there weren't many books that offered guidance on surviving a loved one's suicide, but now that's changing.

"Now you can find more about how people have gotten through suicide and traumatic, catastrophic loss," she says. "With this book, I wanted to fill in the blanks." She says more research needs to be done on the connection between "alcohol, drug addiction and suicide. I don't think suicide, alcohol and drug addiction is nearly as well understood as it should be."

~

THE ROAD TO RECOVERY

In her new book, The Seven T's: Finding Hope and Healing in the Wake of Tragedy, Judy Collins offers these ideas for coping with a devastating loss such as an unexpected death:

Truth. Tell it. Don't hide the truth about how you lost the person you loved. Telling the truth frees you from regret, bitterness and remorse. Truth will help brighten the shadows.

Trust. Trust the people around you to give you the support you need, and if they cannot, find people who can. Live your life in faith. Let your fears subside and trust in a greater power that guides you.

Therapy. Get it. Seek help, be it through traditional talk therapy, prayer, meditation or your art. Get the help you need. You must be your own advocate and find the methods that will heal you.

Treasure. Hold on. Don't stop treasuring your loved one. And treasure the little things in your own life -- coffee or tea in the morning, a walk in the park, a call from a close friend, the river shining in the moonlight.

Treat. Take care of your body and mind with exercise, meditation and other relaxing activities. Use prayer to steady your thoughts and emotions. Find someone else who needs help and offer your time. Take a walk, enjoy nature, get a pet, find a good nutritionist and figure out a healthy plan for eating.

Thrive. Keep living with your eyes wide open. Don't give in to the temptation to abuse alcohol or other addictive substances to blunt or blur your sadness.

Transcend. Learn how to live again with joy, abundance and forgiveness. Get up in the morning with energy and optimism. Smile when you want to frown. Find someone to love in your life.


Article